To My Favorite Liar Patrick Stump
by failed-attempts
Summary: .. To My Favorite Scar Julie was tired of living a sheltered life in Mercer, PA. She was tired of being the top student and good girl. So she signed up to be on MTV's MADE. She just didn't know it would be the end of life as she knew it.
1. Chapter 1

**1: Not-So-Clumsy Mistake**

***Author's note:** This is a revised version of a story that I found on . I have edited this story into my own words. The original author reached chapter 34 3 years ago and then disappeared off the face of the interwebs. It was just so good that I had to finish it, which I am in the process of doing so. Here's the URL for the original story: .com/stories/510620/to-my-favorite-liarpatrick-stumpto-my-favorite-scarchapter-01not-so-clumsy-mistake

The steaming water splashed against your face and cascaded down your shoulders and your back, making you shiver. You let loose a sigh of contentment. Taking a shower was the highlight of your life; there was no better feeling in the world to you. If someone was in the bathroom, you'd go by any means to kick them out just for an hour underneath the hot water, and it quite literally took you an hour. It was your time to be alone. It was your time to think, to not have to worry about anything.

As it did every time you showered, the water suddenly turned icy. You sighed, turned off the faucet and wiped your wet face with your hand._ Another day of school. _Reaching your dripping arm from behind the curtain, you grabbed your soft blue towel, smothering yourself in it and taking in a deep breath. _Just another day._

Once you dried off, you changed into your usual school uniform: a white button-down shirt, black sweater, black skirt, and a black tie. _Yes, the perfect way to individualize yourself.  Perfect, _you thought sarcastically. You then dried your mousy brown hair, pulled it back in a high ponytail and made your way downstairs. There you found your mom and stepsister, Katelyn, waiting for you by the door like they do everyday. Only today you could sense the tension in the air. Ignoring their glares, you pulled on your black pea-coat, grabbed your bag, and headed out the door.

"Julie, get in the car," your mom called after you stiffly when she noticed you walking down the driveway. It was daily routine that she drove you to school, but today you were in no mood to be around her. You were both seething from the argument you'd had the night previous.

Your whole life you've been confined to being the "good girl." You constantly received pressure from your mom and her husband Doug, as well as all your teachers, to be the best student you possibly could. In combination with you work ethic, you had become the top student in your year since the fifth grade. And then there was the whole ordeal with the stupid piano. You'd bee forced to take piano lessons every weekday after school since you were twelve. On top of that, your mom always forced an extra three hours of practice time. You had become the official pianist of your chorus and band at your private school. Something inside you told you, screamed at you, that this was not how a normal teenager should be living her life. You were going insane with this life and you knew you had to do something to break free of it.

Summers and weekends were the low points of your life. You were seriously lacking in any form of a social life, so these days were nothing special for you. Often times, you dwindled away the hours finishing up homework in advance or practicing the piano even more. So what would anyone expect a girl your age to do in that situation? Obviously not what you ended up doing... God were they pissed at you.

One day towards the end of summer when you were at your best friend Courtney's house, you decided to be just a _tiny_ bit rebellious. You were dinking around on Courtney's computer in her room, and you dared to go to a website that your parents would have slaughtered you for going to: . You'd never even watched MTV before, although you knew too well of what it was. You knew it was once a great music channel that had long since fallen to despair, but your mom had always forbidden you from ever watching it. The fact that it was banned was enough to make you irrevocably curious of it. As you sat on this site, just taking in all the links and headlines, you got this horrible need to disobey your mom. You _needed_ to rebel against her ridiculous rules. You saw an advertisement that seemed to know you like an old friend. It read: "Are you someone who feels confined? Do you want to crawl out of your forged shell? And are you in the Pennsylvania area? Well then, CLICK HERE to be MADE into a rock star."  The link seemed to glow knowingly at you, daring you to click. Eagerly, you pounded your index finger on the mouse. Your eyes grew with the thrill of it all. You sent them an in depth essay about your life and how you've always wanted to change it. And what eventually happened? You got a callback. The producers talked to you about how they've narrowed it down to seven girls in your area and that they wanted you to send them a videotape of yourself. Overwhelmed, and yet scared, you decided to not tell your mom about it and had Courtney help you make the tape. You sent it three months ago. And? Nothing happened.

Eventually you got over it and decided that they chose someone else…Until last night. Your mom had answered the phone and it was the executive producer, Tasha. She told your mom that, after numerous extensive meetings, they'd chosen you to be on the show. They'd be at your house on Saturday to set up and start filming. Completely oblivious and thinking it was a prank call, your mom told you about it over dinner, laughing hysterically. Too bad her laughing turned into angry screaming when you told her it was truth.

She started screeching. She gave you the usual speech about how you're throwing your life away and that MTV is trash. _Blah fucking blah_, you had thought bitterly, trying your best to ignore her. You took your chance during a brief break in your mom's speech, and for the first time in your life, you stuck up for yourself. You stood and shouted back about how this was _your_ life, about how you had always been the good girl, never doing anything for herself. Tears of frustration and anger welled in your eyes as you begged for her to understand that you needed to be a normal teenager for once. That you were done living life as her puppet. She was stunned into silence, but not for long. You could see the ferocity welling up within her. Before she could start the next barrage of shouting, you retreated to your room.

"Julie! Get in the car!"

You were almost to the end of the driveway. "I can get there on my own, thanks." Bitterness oozed from your words.

"Stop being so childish, Julie. Besides, you'll be late if you walk."  Her tone was flat.

You hesitated then climbed into the backseat, throwing your bag next to you. You avoided eye contact by staring out the window.

* * *

"Cytosine with Guanine, Adenine with Thymine."

You stared blankly at your notes. Your pencil was moving as fast as your biology teacher, Mr. Hannay, was talking. Your hand started to cramp and you gave up on taking notes. You threw your pencil onto the desk and rubbed your temples. You looked across the room at Courtney who had her cheek leaning on her hand, nodding off, drool smothering her chin.

"-along with the process. Oh!" Mr. Hannay looked away from the board for the first time since class started and noticed the clock. "The bell's going to ring soon and there's no homework, so just sit tight and uh... Contemplate life."

_Score! One day of Bio down, only a million more to go. Awesome. _You watched the clock along with the other students who had managed to stay awake. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. The bell rang as everyone jumped up, most awakening from their nice naps. You anxiously scooped up your notebooks and headed out the door.

"What the hell was he talking about?" Courtney asked, popping up next to you.

You sighed and stretched. "No idea."

"Well then it must be hard if even you, almighty Julie, didn't understand it." The both of you made your way downstairs and to your lockers, which were conveniently right across the hall from each other. "So, how did your mom take it last night when she found out you're going to be on TV?" she practically shouted for everyone to hear. A few people to stopped and looked at you.

You quickly slammed your locker closed and ran over to her, looking over your shoulder to make sure no one was close enough to hear. "Fantastic. Why don't you let the whole school know?"

"Well don't you think that people will notice when you have cameras following you around school next week?"

"I was sort of hoping they wouldn't..." you said, feeling a bit awkward and looking down at your feet to avoid her glares.

She laughed, closing her door. "Oh! Did you find out about who your coach is going to be?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," you said. "No. They didn't even mention a single thing about my meeting the coach. I guess that part's at least real, the reaction to meeting the coach." You shrugged. "Whoever it is, I hope she's nice."

"And I hope she's easy on you since you have no idea how to play guitar," she added sympathetically. She then burst into a fit of giggles. "That's probably got to be the best part about this whole thing! Ah, man. You playing guitar? It's like a cat eating dog food."

_Call me a safe bet; I'm betting I'm not._


	2. Chapter 2

**2:What's This Odd Game that's All Over the Airwaves?**

Your week seemed to bypass you and skip straight to Saturday. You hadn't been able to sleep at all the night before and woke up with dark circles under your eyes. Your stomach distracted you from such a miniscule detail, however, as it had been inhabited by an angry swarm of ravenous, rabid butterflies.

After getting dressed, you went to sit in your living room waiting for the camera crew to arrive, your anxiety growing worse with each passing minute. After about half an hour, you decided to play the piano preoccupy your time. You hoped it would help you focus your nervous energy. It didn't work. _Just breathe, Julie. It'll be fine. Just try and be yourself._

The doorbell rang. You felt your heart fall in your chest and your head began to pound. You jumped up, the piano bench nearly tipping over, and ran to the door You threw it open. Courtney stood in front of you. _Of course._ "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," she said, a little hurt sounding.

"Well I thought you were them," you explained, your tone still razor sharp.

"Calm down, I'm not the only one here," she said, stepping out of the way to reveal a large white van in the driveway. Your eyes widened as you inhaled a lungful of breath. It wasn't enough.

Four men appeared from behind the dusty van, unloading their large cameras and rolls of wires and such. They barged in through the door, pushing you out of the way. Courtney laughed at this and trailed them into the house, watching them while they set up the equipment. You had the door half shut when you noticed a woman standing in the front yard chatting on her cell phone, and from what you heard, she sounded angry. Once she hung up, she charged toward you and you opened the door fully again and got a better look at her. She was your standard version of pretty. She looked to be about twenty-five. Her golden blonde hair was pulled up into a glossy bun. She had striking green eyes perfectly framed in flawless make-up and black-rimmed glasses. She wore a charcoal grey pinstripe pantsuit with black patent leather, squar-toed heels.

"Julie, right? " she asked, holding out her right hand and an obvious fake smile on her face, a replica of a Barbie doll's smile. Her teeth shown unnaturally white in the overcast weather.

You shook her hand uncertainly. "And you are? "

"Tasha, executive producer, " she said, walking into your house. Every move she made exuded confidence. You were unsure weather to despise her curtness or admire her confidence. "I believe we've talked on the phone a few times."

You let the door squeak closed as she ventured into the living room. "No, I don't think we have." You slowly followed her, maneuvering around the treacherous wires.

She took a quick look around. "Cute place."

"Thank you, compliments to my mom, though, since she decorated," you said quickly.

She nodded and you knew she wasn't really listening. Tasha decided to get straight to business. "Alright, here's what we expect of you. These four cameramen are going to follow you around. You just need to act like everything's normal and learn to ignore them. Do what you usually do on a weekend, you know? You'll get another call from me tomorrow night so you'll know what to expect Monday at school. Got it?"

You stared at her, stunned for a moment. "What?"

"Act like your usual boring self and don't worry about anything just yet," she said seeming a bit agitated. "We just want to document a few days of your normal boring life to have viewers get a sense of who you are."

_You want people to think I'm boring?_ "No," you said. "I mean, that's it? They're just coming in and setting up suddenly like this? And we start now?"

She nodded. "Um, yeah. Pretty much. That's how it always goes, kid." Her cell phone started vibrating in her pocket.

"Uh... Okay."

"Fantastic! So just hang out with your little friend. This _is_ your friend, I'm guessing?" she asked, pointing to Courtney who was poking a cameraman and pestering him with questions about the buttons on the equipment.

"Oh, yeah. That's Courtney."

"Fantastic," she repeated. "Just hang out with her; let the camera get a feel of who you are and... Whatever." She huffed, reached into her pocket and took out her phone. "And like I said, I'll give you a call tomorrow." She slid open her shiny read and silver phone and rushed past you and back outside. She never said another word to you and you just stood there, dazed.

Courtney turned around, her eyes lighting up. "This is awesome!" _Glad someone is having fun._

* * *

As always, the weekend snailed by. All week long, you thought that maybe life would speed up once the cameras were in your face, but they just seemed to make everything go slower. No matter how much you tried, you just couldn't get used to them all Saturday. Courtney had to leave you alone a few hours after the cameras arrived, so you were, once again, alone…though you weren't. You decided to go back to practicing the piano, but the cameras were there, distracting you. You tried not to look at them. You gave up on the piano and grabbed your backpack to do some homework. Shortly after opening the massive Biology textbook, you slammed it shut again. The cameras were still on you. Katelyn came down the stairs, pulling on a coat.

"I'm going to the park with some friends. Tell mom and dad I'll be home for dinner," she informed you. You only nodded. You sunk into the couch and sighed. A few minutes of gnawing on the corner of your lower lip, you decided to take a shower. The cameras couldn't follow you there. Within an hour, the water ran cold and you stepped out. You took your sweet time getting dressed again and blow drying your hair. You spent the rest of Saturday lying on the couch trying to read a book. After dinner, the cameramen were gone for the night.

Sunday was spent in much the same way. It was about 8 pm when Tasha called you. It was a short conversation. She repeated much of what she had told you the day before. When you asked about meeting your coach, she just replied, "You don't have to worry about that." She hung up soon after.

Finally it was Monday. You, Courtney and your friend Sam were sitting in your math class. Your teacher had spent the first half of the class going over notes, explaining formulas, and then let the class start working on the homework for the remainder of the period. He had just sat behind his desk when the students' low rumblings of conversation started to grow in strength.

"It's already seventh period and you haven't met your coach yet!" Sam hissed anxiously.

"It's not like it's my fault."

Courtney laughed. "Maybe they forgot about you," Sam said. Courtney laughed again.

You glared up at them. "Thanks, guys. Way to make me feel better. Why are you guys freaking out about this anyway? It's my problem."

"Problem? You signed up for this!" Courtney said, slapping you on the side of your forehead. You cradled your head in your hand. "We're just curious."

Sam agreed. "Yeah, as is everyone else in the school! Did you notice how many people have been staring at you all day?"

"And everyone keeps on asking if we know who your coach is," Courtney said. "The anticipation is killing all of us."

Just as she said this, a knock came at the door. The room fell instantly silent. All heads turned to face the door, curious and anxious to see if this was the moment they'd been waiting all day for. A tall man (well, tall against Julie's 5'2" frame) with curly brown hair popped his head into the doorway. Sam and a few others gasped. You glanced at her. She wore the biggest grin on her face, showing all her teeth. A few people murmured around you. You looked back at the guy with a fro.

"Is there a Julie Ridgway here?" he asked while everyone just stared at him in awe. "Oh crap, don't tell me they sent me to the wrong room again..."

He turned to leave and Sam sprang from her seat, pulling you with her. She held your arm up. "This is her!" A few people giggled at her shrillness. You yanked your arm from her grasp and rubbed the red spot.

"Thank God," he muttered under his breath, stepping into the classroom. He walked over and held out his right hand to you. "I'm Joe Trohman and I'll be your MADE coach."

You shook it, still a little dazed by everything, but gave him a questioning look. "Excuse me," you laughed slightly, "you're who?"

"Joe Trohman, from Fall Out Boy...the lead guitarist and backup vocals."

Even with his explanation, you still had no idea who he was. You laughed a little nervously. "But you're not a chick."

Everyone in the room stared at you, the room going completely silent. Even the air was completely still. Your ears began to buzz.

"Um, no…. No I'm not. Thanks for noticing," he said, bewildered.

"She was expecting a female coach," Courtney blurted out.

He laughed. "You're kidding, right?" You still stared at him, confused. "Well then," he said, seeming a bit perplexed, "I guess we have some things to work on. First of all, like I said, I'm Joe. I'm from a band called Fall Out Boy, which I'm assuming you've never heard of. I'm going to be teaching you how to play the guitar. Do you know anything about that at least?"

"Uh, well, no. But I do play the piano," you said.

He gave a short laugh. "Because those are definitely the same instrument." He sighed. "Then we'd better get to it. Why don't we start with some of your moves?"

"My moves?" _What the Hell? What _kind_ of moves?_

"Yes, woman. Your moves," he said, pushing you to the front of the class. "Let's see you do some air guitar."

"Air guitar? What?!" _I've known this guy for two seconds and he's already ruining my life._

"Yes! Right now," he urged you on.

You stood frozen in front of your classmates, totally and utterly confused. They all stared up at you, obviously amused and wanting to see you embarrass yourself. "Are you serious?" You looked at him like he was a murderer.

"Yes, do it right now." He crossed his arms over his chest, legs spread a little more than shoulder width apart.

"Right now?" You were a broken record.

"What is it with you and these questions?" he said. "What, you're too embarrassed to do a little air guitar?"

You could feel everyone's eyes on you. "Well maybe I don't really know what it is," you said. "Do you?"

"Honey, you're talking to the lead guitarist of Fall Out Boy, so you'd think I'd know a _little_ bit about it." He stared at you for a moment, waiting for you to do something. "Fine then, I'll show you." Not more than a second went by before he burst out into air guitar, pounding his right hand in front of him while head banging. A few small grunts and odd noises escaped him as he started spinning around and rocking out harder to imaginary music. He did a final spin in the air, both feet tucked under him and he landed with his knees bent and spread farther than when he started. He stood up straight and pounded one last final silent chord and raised the invisible guitar to the class. Everyone clapped and a few students cheered.

Alright. Now you were completely sure that you were in the twilight zone. "What are you doing?! Are you having a seizure? Do I need to call a doctor?"

"That's the air guitar!" he said, clearly happy with himself. Your expression remained unchanged and his smile slightly fell. "Now you do it."

You glared at him for a short time to see if he was serious. Finally, you decided to give in and just do it. Immediately your face burned crimson as you failed to recreate what Joe had just demonstrated for you. You half-heartedly spun in the air, hardly getting an inch off the linoleum. You landed with your feet together. You felt absolutely ridiculous as you continued on with your version of "rocking out" to the air guitar.

"Stop-" commanded Joe. He grabbed you by the shoulders and made you look up at him. "No more. I get it. I was right, we do have a metric shit ton of work to do."


	3. Chapter 3

**3: Skip the Beat**

"Here, I'm going to teach you how to play the chorus to a song." You opened your mouth to protest. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But I find it much easier to learn a song rather than learn all of the other chords that don't matter for right now. That's how I learned." Joe had kidnapped you for the remainder of the school day and locked you two in a practice room usually used for band and choir students during sectionals. You two were sitting cross-legged across from each other on the carpet-covered concrete floor…and your butt was starting to go numb. You noticed there were two acoustic guitars behind Joe and a CD player sat to his left. "Here, it'll all make sense later. Just trust me for right now."

"So what song am I gonna learn?" You eyed the CD player.

"Oh, yeah, right." He put a CD in and pressed the button to number four. "This song is called 'Saturday.' I'll just skip to the chorus so you can focus on that part for right now." He rested his elbows on his knees and curled his hands into fits beneath his chin. The speakers started blasting as the electric noises of guitars. The unfamiliar sounds blended with the bass, the drums, and the smooth melodic sound of a guy singing. You found it impossible to catch every word he sang, but you liked it. The combination of all the notes had sparked a small fire in the pit of your stomach, seeming to warm your soul. It felt like awakening for the first time. You hid a small smile. It was like nothing you had ever heard before, and your mom would've killed Joe for letting you listen to it which made it ten times better. You pulled you knees up to your chest and rested your chin on them. Almost as quickly as it started, though, Joe slapped the stop button. "Hmm?" He stared at you. You had forgotten he was even in the room.

"'Hmm' what?"

"What'd you think?" he asked, anxiously.

"It was... Spectacular," you said, incapable of finding the words...even if you could, you weren't sure you were comfortable sharing with Joe quite yet.

He laughed and shook his head at you. "Wow, your vocabulary amazes me. If I were sixteen again and talked like you, I'd get my fucking ass kicked." You flinched a bit at his swearing. He noticed. "Why're you cringing?"

"I'm not cringing," you said, looking away.

"Nooo, no. I just saw a cringe. That was total cringing. What, you don't like it?" he asked, pointing at the CD player.

"No, that's not it. I really did like it…more than I can say. It's just…nothing."

"Then what?"

You sighed, feeling unbelievably stupid and childish. "I'm just-I don't know. Not completely used to everything."

"You're not a normal teenager."

"Yeah, that's what everyone tells me." You looked away.

"Know what?" he said, sitting up on his knees, leaning in closer. "You need to loosen up. I swear to God I could crack an egg off your forehead." You smiled, despite the fact that he was completely making fun of you. "You just—here," he reached over, grabbing your shoulders and shaking them. You laughed, pushing his hands away. "You need to calm down. I don't care how sucky your poor teenage life has been so far. Shut the hell up. Your life starts now." He reached behind him, handing you one of the guitars. You held the foreign object strangely then placed it in your lap in what you hoped was the correct way. Joe didn't correct you, so you relaxed a little. "As soon as these strings touch your fingers, I don't want you to think about holding back. Guitar and even music in general wouldn't exist if everyone were holding back. It's about letting it loose-whether your the musician yourself or even just a listener. So promise me something, alright?" You nodded, looking up from the guitar and to Joe. "No holding back." You took the other for himself and placed it in front of him, mirroring you. He watched his fingers form the starting chord of the chorus and strummed. "Now you." You struggled to twist your hand into uncomfortable positions to copy his hand, hoping they were in the right spot as you strummed. The sound was weak and a little off. You looked up apologetically at him. "That's ok. Try to keep your fingers pressed on the strings firmly. Strum with confidence. Like I said, no holding back. We've all got to start somewhere."

"Like this?" You tried again. The sound was stronger, but it was even more off key.

"Yeah, except you let your finger slip on the string." He reached over and placed in the right place again. He repositioned a few of your other fingers and attempted to straighten your wrist a bit. He nodded and you took that as your cue to try again. He smiled when the sound was dead on. "See? You're already making progress." You smiled widely at him, feeling a bit more confident.

Joe kept you locked in that room with him (and a cameraman) for about three hours. He made you learn the chorus one chord at a time, drilling them into your brain. When you had one chord down, he made you learn the next. Before you moved on, he made you start from the beginning and play through the chorus until you reached a part you didn't yet know. It was like one of those retarded name games you're forced to play on the first day of class where everyone sits in a circle and you repeat everyone's name in order until you reach the end (Susan. Susan, Dean. Susan, Dean, Sam.. etc, etc.). You discovered the song wasn't particularly difficult, and by the end of the three hours, you were getting to be pretty good at the chorus.

"Great! Awesome, you're almost a natural at this. Honestly, I was worried at first, but you're not bad at all."

"Liar," you said, your face turning red. "Coming from you, that must be a real compliment."

"Yeah, well, you know," he said while putting the guitar away. "So, take that guitar with you. I want you to keep practicing this and memorize the words. Tomorrow we'll have to work on vocals."

You nodded, putting the strap of the case around your shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

He nodded. "Yep, I'll be at your house bright and early. Set your alarm, little girl."

You giggled as you two started for his van.

"Where have you been?!" You shut the front door behind you as Joe pulled out of the driveway outside.

"Yeah, I love you too mom." You threw your bag on the floor next to the door, like always, and walked into the living room where your mom was.

"You think this is funny? I called Mrs. Howard today and she told me you quit your piano lessons."

You sighed, feeling like a broken record for the second time that day. "I've told you a thousand times that I won't have any time for lessons. The show, remember? Might as well make it a thousand and one times that I've said it." You headed for the kitchen.

"This is ridiculous," she sighed.

You rolled your eyes, your back turned to her, and said nothing. You were tired of fighting with her. You grabbed a pudding cup and a spoon and headed for the sanctity of your bedroom, the guitar still strapped to your back. You kicked the door shut behind you and sat on your bed. You set the guitar next to you and downed the pudding. You set the empty cut on your nightstand and sighed. You decided that you should practice the guitar some more, since Joe told you to, and pulled out the acoustic from the case. The chords were still fairly fresh in your mind, so you didn't struggle so much. You practiced relentlessly until dinner.

* * *

Wet.

Wet and cold water.

Wet, cold water, and giggling?

_What the hell?_

You awoke to a morning sunlit room. You pulled your blankets closer to your neck instinctively when you saw Joe hovering over you with a water bottle, a devious grin on his face.

"Wakey wakey, honey dip."

You sat up, wiping the water off of your face. You blinked a few times and it took you a few moments to realize that there was someone else in the room. There, standing at the foot of your bed, was a large guy decked out in dark jeans, a black 'I 3 REVENGE' shirt, blue vest, argyle hat, black-rimmed glasses, and large sideburns.

Naturally, you had no idea who he was.

He noticed your staring and waved at you with an awkward but dorky smile on his face.

"This is Patrick and he'll help you with the vocals," Joe said, taking a seat on the side of your bed.

Patrick pointed to your feet that were sticking out from under your purple comforter. "I like your piggy socks."

"Oh. Um, thanks," you said, sitting back against your headboard.

"Ignore her awkwardness," Joe said. "We're probably the only guys to ever be in her room before."

A pillow hit him in the head as you told him to shut up.

_I've read about the afterlife but I've never really lived more than an hour._


	4. Chapter 4

**4: Day Two: Signing Lessons**

"Well at least he's not saying you have guys in here all the time," Patrick joked. You continued to glare and threw another pillow at him. He ducked just barely in time. The pillow fell to the floor with a non-threatening thud.

"Alright, be nice." Joe sighed, standing up. "You need to get up and get dressed."

"Yes mother." You flung the blankets from you, rolling your eyes light-heartedly so Joe could see. You sauntered over to your closet to pick out clothes for the day. The hairs on the nape of your neck told you to turn around. Joe and Patrick were just sitting on your bed, watching you with interest. You scowled at them. "Out!" You jammed your finger towards the hallway.

"Oh—right." They both headed out the door.

Once the boys had gone, you yanked your shirt over your head and pulled a clean shirt off the hanger. The cloth had hardly touched your head when you heard childish giggles. You yanked it all the way down and grabbed a shoe. "Get out!" you bellowed, throwing the shoe at the door. They closed it just in time and the shoe left a black scuffmark. You heard them fall against the door and wall in uncontrollable laughter. "Can't a girl get some privacy?"

"You're going to masturbate, aren't you?" you heard Patrick yell once he regained a little bit of control. They both lost it again.

"Oh grow up."

"Never!" Patrick shouted back through his fit of giggles.

"We think you need to act more your age, little miss Julie," Joe added.

You shook your head, allowing yourself to laugh a little in their good humor. _They're lucky that I know they're only joking._ You found the rest of your outfit and pulled it on. As they waited for you, you heard them making moaning sounds outside in the hallway. You quickly opened the door, rolling your eyes. "You guys are so gross."

"That's why we're boys, my pet," Joe said proudly.

You stared at him for a second then Patrick put his arm around your shoulder. "Don't worry, we're just teasing you."

Joe laughed. "Yeah, obviously you've never hung around guys that much, but you'll learn soon enough."

It was true. Thinking back, the only time you were around guys was at school. You didn't have many guy friends at all, and the ones you did have, you knew strictly through Sam and Courtney. Boys were just so foreign to you that you had no idea what to say or how to act around them. Joe was right from the first second he met you, you did have a lot to learn. Especially socially.

"Okay, let's get started," Joe said, leading you to the stairs. Once in the living room, Patrick and Joe took a seat on the couch where they had two guitars sitting. You plopped into the recliner across from them then scooted to the edge of the seat. "Now, I'm assuming you have most of the words memorized?" Joe asked. After you nodded he said, "Good, good. Now Patrick will help you out with them. Take it away, dude."

You watched Patrick as he picked up one of the guitars and began to play. He cleared his throat. "Two more weeks, my foot is in the door. I can't sleep in the wake of Saturday." You kept your eyes on him intently, listening. His voice sounded strangely familiar. "Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended." He finished the chorus and set his fidgeted with his pick. "That's it…that's all there is to the chorus," he added awkwardly to your gaping stare.

"I get it now!" you said, pointing at Patrick. "You're the lead singer, the guy on the CD."

Joe stared blankly at you. "No shit, Sherlock. I thought you knew that."

"Hey, well I never said I was smart. You all just assume that part," you said, grabbing the other guitar. "Now, play that again."

Patrick laughed, looking at Joe. "Gotta love a girl in charge."

You practiced the chorus, playing with Patrick and Joe giving out commands periodically, for a few hours. Though your hand was starting for like it was going to fall off and your fingers were screaming in agonizing pain, you wanted to keep going. You played the chorus over and over for them on your own. You never gave it a second thought. Though you had just met these quirky boys, you felt completely comfortable around them, like they were old childhood friends. You sang and played with confidence. Playing for them, allowing yourself to be over taken by the notes and words, made you feel free. It was a completely different experience than playing the piano. So the words were simple…they were still new and liberating for you. You played through the chorus one more time, at the end of which, the boys cheered wildly.

"Houston, we have progress," Patrick announced, flinging his arms out. You laughed as you flexed your fingers.

Joe agreed. "Seriously. Who knew you'd be such a natural?" He looked at his watch. "I'm hungry. I think a raid of Julie's fridge is in order!"

Patrick's face lit up like a little boy. "Let's do it!" And before you knew it, they were both annihilating your fridge. Packets of food and Tupperware were flying behind them, landing everywhere. After moments of arguing and wrestling, they both decided on a packet of Go-Gurt each. When you walked into the kitchen, you saw them sitting on the floor with yogurt all over their faces, smiling contentedly.

"You guys are sad," you said, throwing napkins at them. "Here, I'll make you something." You walked to the fridge, taking out some strawberry jelly and butter. Then you took out some bread and peanut butter from the cupboards.

"Wow, PB&J. How original," Patrick said, watching you. "What's the butter for?"

"It's not just any PB&J," you replied ignoring his question. You pulled a pan from the oven and set it on the stove. While you were making the sandwiches, you could hear them behind you rummaging around through stuff, whispering and giggling to each other. Then they both appeared beside you with big grins on their faces. "Should I be scared?" you asked, nervously.

"PIXIE STICKS!" they yelled, dumping the colored sugar all over the sandwiches as they were grilling. You threw the sandwiches on a plate and turned the stove off. The boys grabbed the food, stuffing it into their mouths, making you laugh.

"You guys are going to make yourselves sick."

"Do you want that?" Joe asked you through a mouthful while pointing at the last sandwich. You shook your head. _Boys._

"No, I'm good, thanks. I was planning on getting a shower." They both perked up at you, smiling. "_Alone_, thank you. But I'll be back down in a little while. You guys can watch TV or something," you said, walking towards the stairs. "And try not to make a mess."

* * *

You wrapped your towel tightly around yourself and slipped into your room to search for another outfit. Once you had changed, you went back into the bathroom to blow dry your hair. You ran the brush through the frizzy strands and looked at your reflection, unimpressed. You pulled a rubber band from the drawer and gathered your hair into a ponytail. It was how you always did your hair. What else could you do? It was just so plain…mouse brown and thin. It always refused to look decent if you let down; it just hung limp around your shoulders, parting crookedly in the middle. And as always, you skipped over the makeup department, though you did briefly contemplate it. You just never felt pretty enough to be able to wear it. Over the years, you had come to accept that you were indeed very plain. Recently, however, you'd been getting tired of your "style" and wanted to drastically change it. You shrugged at your reflection and shut off the light, heading downstairs. At the bottom, you faintly heard a guitar in the kitchen. You noticed that Joe was passed out on his stomach on the couch, drool running over his lip, so you knew it had to be Patrick. You padded into the kitchen.

He looked up at you, still playing. "Hey."

"Hey," you said, walking over to him. "I see Joe's being a sleepy boy."

"Yeah, I just left him there. He gets pretty cranky after eating a lot of sugar," he laughed. "Why don't you take a seat? I'll play something for you." You nodded, taking a seat on a stool across from him. "This song is a bit older, but I'll play it anyway."

"What's it called?"

"Chicago Is So Two Years Ago." He started strumming, looking down at his guitar. "My heart is on my sleeve. Wear it like a bruise or black eye. My badge, my witness. Means that I believed every single lie that you said." _He's got such a fantastic voice…very unique._ "Cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains I went through to avoid you. And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still…Hate you." You noticed his expression matched the words of the song. You were entranced. "But there's a light on in Chicago, and I know I should be home. And all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house. She took me down and said 'Boys like you are overrated. So save your breath.' Loaded words and loaded friends, are loaded guns to our heads. Cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains I went through to avoid you. And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still... Hate you. But there's a light on in Chicago, and I know I should be home. And all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house. You want apologies? Girl you might hold your breath. Until your breathing stops forever, forever." He looked up at you for this part, drumming his hand on the guitar as you smiled, pulling your knees up from under you as you listened. "The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips. I hope they taste of me forever. But there's a light on in Chicago, And I know I should be home. And all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's... With every breath, I wish your body will be broken again. With every breath, I wish your body will be broken again. With every breath, I wish your body will be broken again. With every breath, I wish your body will be broken again."

Once he finished, he set the guitar on his lap and stared down at his feet as you clapped. "I think I should go buy one of your CD's, now," you laughed which made him smile.

"Yeah, you _should_."

"And I'm surprised, you know? If I would've heard you guys before, I would've had all of your songs memorized and stuff. I really love your sound."

"Really?"

"Yeah, totally," you said. "Are you kidding me? Your voice is awesome. I mean, that's not really saying much since I don't know a lot when it comes to music other than the piano, but that you're really good."

"Shut up, don't make a guy blush" he said, a wide smile of his face.

"Well I can't help myself. I'm infatuated with music, I guess. Oh, and your lyrics! Where did you come up with them?"

"Oh I, uh, wrote the lyrics to that song. It was a while ago, though. When I was about seventeen."

"'She took me down and said boys like you are overrated'," you recited. "You wrote that?"

"Yeah, I did. Long story." He made an attempt to avoid your glance.

You gasped theatrically. "Did a girl break Patrick's heart?"

He laughed flatly. "Yes, a girl did." He looked down as he fidgeted with the guitar.

You went silent as you noticed his smile fading. "Oh.. Sorry. Yeah, none of my business." You stood from your stool, about to walk back to the living room. _Way to be, Julie. You just met him and you already poked fun at his broken heart. _

"No, no, it's fine," he said, making you turn back towards him. "Like I said, that was a while ago and it doesn't matter anymore," he said, trying to dismiss the subject.

"I see," you said, sitting back down in your seat. "Well if it makes you feel any better, I've never gone out on a date before. Ever."

"Really?" he said, a bit surprised. "Then from what Joe said, you are really sheltered."

"Yeah, well, from what I know so far, Joe says a lot of things. Anyway," you said. "So you guys are from Chicago?"

He nodded. "Yep, yeah. Born and raised, more or less."

"So what made you want to become a musician?"

"Sex and drugs." You laughed, making him smile. "No, I'm just kidding. I dunno, just growing up with the huge swarm around me, growing up with the music movement. I dunno. I can just remember sitting in my basement as a kid and just writing and listening to music for hours on end."

"That seems a bit obsessive," you joked.

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that." He smiled, looking up at you. You returned the smile, staring at him for a moment. He coughed and you both looked away, each feeling a little awkward.

"Uhm... Want anything to drink?" you asked to make things feel normal again.

"No thanks-"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Both your heads shot towards the living room where Joe's exclamation came from. Patrick jumped from the stool and headed for the living room; you followed closely behind.

_I've seen sinking ships go down with more grace than you._


	5. Chapter 5

**5: For a Dreamer, Night's the Only Time of Day**

You stopped just beside Patrick in the living room. Joe was pacing the length of the couch and running his hand over his mass of curls. "I thought it was supposed to be tomorrow!... No, I'm not.. No I'm not! I'm not mad, and tell Pete to shut up, I can hear him laughing... No, no. I'll be there but it'll take a little while. Yeah, it's okay. Okay... Alright, bye." He slammed his phone shut and jammed it back in his pocket.

"What was that about?" Patrick asked.

Joe released a frustrated breath of air as he faced Patrick. "We gotta go pick them up."

Shock turned Patrick's face pale face even whiter. "Now? How the hell did they get here _now_? What happened to tomorrow?"

"I guess Pete got the dates on the tickets wrong," he said, running his hand through his curly hair again. "Either way, we don't have much of a choice. They're here now and they need us to go and get them. Sorry, Julie, but we gotta leave."

"Where are you going?" you asked, puzzled, not wanting to be left alone again and so suddenly.

"We have to pick some people up at the airport in Pittsburg."

"Well, then I'm coming with," you said, grabbing your coat. This sounded like an adventure and you did not want to miss it.

"No, no, your mom'll be home soon," Joe said. "I don't want to be responsible for getting you into trouble."

"She'll live. It's a Saturday and I'm seventeen. I can do what I want."

Patrick laughed. "There she goes, being all dominant again."

Joe gave in and you grinned as you headed out the door first. You locked the door as soon as the boys had stepped out next to you and the three of you headed to Joe's van. Your hand was about to yank open the door when Courtney's car pulled into the driveway next to you. She quickly got out and slammed her door shut. "Where ya goin'?"

"Long story," you answered then turned to Joe. "This is Courtney, is it cool if she comes? We haven't been able to spend much time together recently."

"Yeah, sure, I don't care," he said. "Just as long as we hurry."

She stared at Joe and Patrick in amazement, eyes wide. "_Dude_. I never thought I'd even meet you guys and now I'm going to hang out with you..."

"Well let's 'hang out' in the car. It's going to take about an hour to get there." Joe demanded.

Courtney sprinted to the front passenger's door, shouting "Shotgun!" Before anyone could say otherwise, she was in the seat, first in the car. You laughed at her and climbed into the backseat. Patrick joined you on the other side and Joe hopped into the driver's spot. The engine came to life, making a sort of growling sound.

"Buckle up. Joe's a shitty driver," Patrick whispered to you, smiling. You did as you were told, the thrill of adventure burning within you.

In the front seat, Courtney was chatting incessantly about how excited she was to be coming along with them, how she was beyond glad that Joe had turned out to be your MADE coach instead of some chick. Once she started spouting facts about them, you gave Patrick an apologetic look. "Courtney! Cool it!" you demanded. "I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure they know these things about themselves. Please stop scaring these poor boys." She started to protest. "I'm not saying that you can't talk at all, just find a different subject. Please and thank you."

Courtney and Joe started in on a debate about something to do with hard rock (you weren't really paying them much attention anymore). Patrick looked at you in amusement. "'Please and thank you?' You are so polite…you know, for a teenager on the path of rebellion," he teased.

"I can be rebellious," you protested. "But does a rebel have to throw out all rules of common courtesy?"

"Not necessarily, but that's generally the way it goes," he answered.

You giggled. "I guess I'll just never fit in anywhere."

"No way!" Courtney yelled. "I _love_ those guys!" With that, Joe put in a CD and turned up the volume. Music began to blare.

"_Extra! Extra!_

_Read all about it!_

_A corporate's head been murdered!_

_His secretary found him_

_Scandal! Slander!_

_Catch all the gossip!_

_From what I hear_

_The chief executive deserved it"_

"What band is this?" you yelled to Patrick over the music and the loud singing of Joe and Courtney.

"Oh, this is Forgive Durden," he said.

You strained to hear him, but to you, it just looked like he was moving his lips. "What?"

"It's Forgive Durden," he tried again, a little louder.

"What?!" you yelled again, feeling like an idiot.

Patrick laughed and tried again. "Forgive-"

_Bang_!

The van jolted forward; your seatbelt held you in place. The van thudded down the road for a few seconds and then came to a sudden halt. The music had died with the bang and no one spoke. Joe tried to start up the van again, but nothing happened. "No, no, no. Fuck!" Joe yelled, punching the dashboard. "God damn it!"

Patrick leaned forward, poking his head between the two front seats. "What happened?"

"I knew I should've changed the fucking battery before we left," he said, aggressively pulling out his keys and opening the door. You watched him get out and open the van's hood to take a look. The rest of you followed as soon as you recovered from the shock. Both Joe and Patrick stood scratching their heads, clearly at a loss as to what they should do now.

"We need to move the car out of the road," Courtney offered.

"Yeah, we should," Patrick agreed. "We'll pull from the front, you two push from the back." You nodded and the two of you circled around to the back. You each grabbed a hold of the rear bumper.

"I bet you're glad you brought me along now," Courtney said gleefully. "There's no way you three woulda been able to move this monster out of the road."

"Oh don't flatter yourself. You're only one girl," you teased.

"Hey, girls. Do you think you could stop talking and start pushing?" Joe asked. You two laughed.

"Fine," you said. "One... Two... Three!" You leaned as far forward as you could, pushing with as much strength as you could muster. Your feet were plated firmly on the ground and you pushed against the earth. Grunts and groans kept escaping from all four of you and you started to laugh. All your strength suddenly evaporated. "This is just a tad bit sexual sounding," you giggled, standing up.

Joe gasped sarcastically. "Julie's being a perv!"

"I see you guys are rubbing off on her already," Courtney said, smiling at you. "She's finally talking and thinking like a human."

"That was my goal," Joe said. "Okay, serious now. Let's get this thing to the side of the road." Joe counted to three again and you all pushed harder than before. The van started to roll and the pushing became easier. Once it got going, stopped proved to be a bit difficult, but you managed. You and Courtney joined Patrick and Joe at the front again. Joe started rummaging through the inner workings of the car again.

"Move, I know cars," Courtney commanded, elbowing him to the side.

"Good, you figure it out then because this piece of shit is driving me nuts. You'd think that with the money I have, my car would actually _work_."

"Shouldn't we call someone?" you asked.

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, we should." He reached into his pocket. "Damn. I left my phone at the hotel. Anyone else bring theirs?" He looked at you.

"I don't even own one."

"Mine's dead," answered Courtney.

Joe reached into his pocket and grabbed his. He flipped it open and stared at it for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'd let you use this except for the fact that I have absolutely no signal."

Patrick sighed. "Well I saw a rest area back there a little ways. I can go down and call on the payphone."

"Good, get me something to drink too," Joe said, handing him a dollar.

"Julie, come with me," Patrick said. "If someone hits me with their car, you can go beat 'em up."

You laughed. "Yeah, alright." You fell into step with him as the two of you started on your journey. He walked with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and watched his feet. You looked around at the trees and noticed it was starting to turn dark. You looked at your watch. "Seven o'clock," you mused aloud. Patrick gave you a questioning glance. "This is usually my curfew on the weekends."

His eyebrows rose, disappearing under his bangs. "Are you serious? Damn, when I was a senior I didn't even have a curfew."

"Consider yourself lucky." You looked at him wonderingly. "How old are you anyway?"

"I'm twenty-one. Going on twenty-two in April. Why, are you trying to make me feel old?" he laughed.

"Oh totally. Yes. You are so old. Look at that, I can see some grays coming in." You played with a few strands of his strawberry blonde hair that poked out from under his hat. Another question popped into your mind. "What's up with the hats? I've heard from people at school that you always wear them."

"Because people say I look terrible without them." He laughed. "I dunno. I just kinda put on a hat one day and never took it off." You pursed your lips and cocked your head to the side, your forehead scrunching, as you tried to imagine him without the hat. Strange. You could almost picture it, but not quite. Patrick laughed at your serious expression. He took off his hat and placed it on your head, the bill twisted a little to the left. "There." He assessed the difference. "Wow, look at that, you look better in it than I do." You smiled brightly and pulled the hat down further on your head. "And you should feel lucky," he told you in a serious tone. "You're the first girl to ever wear any of my hats."

"Dude, that's monumental. You should let me keep this," you said. "I'll buy you another one." You smiled sweetly.

"Hmmm, I dunno..." He smoothed his thin hair. You stuck out your bottom lip into your best pout. Patrick raised his eyebrow at you and you struggled not to laugh, forcing yourself to keep pouting. "How about we play rock, paper, scissors for it?" he asked, Now walking backwards in front of you. He held out his fist. You held your own fist in front of you.

"Rock, paper scissors." Both your fists went down on the beat of each word. You had paper; he had rock.

You jumped up, one hand pumping in the air. "Oooh, what now?" You laughed.

"Best two out of three," he said, his fist ready for the second round. You prepared yourself as well. "Rock, paper, scissors." He had rock again, but you switched to scissors.

"Ha! Take that!" He pointed gleefully at you. "And it's tied! Oh man, the intensity."

You both shot out your fists for the tie-breaking final round. "Rock, paper, scissors," you chanted. This time you had rock while he dared to go with scissors. "Yes! And I take the win!" You danced in celebration was you walked. Patrick reached for the hat, but you put a hand on top of it and ducked under his reach. Now you were walking backwards and he walked forward.

He suddenly turned very serious as he gave you his best sad puppy face. His blue eyes were open wide and sparkling, his eyebrows wrinkled his forehead in sadness, and his lower lip lightly protruded. "Julie, may I have my hat back, please?"

His charm hadn't worked on you. "Nope," you giggled. You were sort of skipping backwards in your happiness.

His eyes narrowed. He waited a few seconds then lunged for the hat in what he hoped was a sneak attack. You sidestepped him, laughing again. "Aw come on. Can't you just let me win?"

"You see, I would, but I can't change the fact that rock beats the crap outta scissors every time," you answered.

"Man, scissors need to work out a little more," he conceded. "But remember you owe me another hat," he reminded, pointing seriously at you.

"Yeah, yeah." You turned around to walk forward and fell back into step at Patrick's side. "I get the feeling you wouldn't let me forget anyway," you said as you adjusted the bill of the hat, turning it to the left a little more. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence.

"So, tell me Julie's life story," he requested after a few minutes.

"I'm not sure you really want to hear all about my life. I'm really not that interesting," you answered. Your tone was apologetic.

He rubbed his nose and then shoved his hands deep into his hoodie pockets. "Everyone has a story, Julie. It might not seem interesting to them because it's _their_ story, but…I'd like to hear yours." He looked at you, waiting.

You smiled, looking down at the ground and then back at him. "You're good. What d'you wanna know?"

"Um... How about something random?" he suggested.

"Okay then. Uh...," you paused for a second, trying to think of something. "Well, when I was little I used to dress my dog up in my old clothes and take him to the park. I'd pretend we were on a date."

He laughed. "So you _have _dated…he was just your dog. I see why you didn't own up to that now. Was he a good boyfriend?"

You scoffed and punched him playfully on the arm. "Your turn."

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"Oh, don't think you're getting off easy. It's your turn to tell me something random about _you_," you commanded again.

"Well then, huh..." he thought for a second. A faint smile played on his lips and he went a little pink. "When I was five I boycotted clothes."

You burst out laughing hysterically. "Awww! Little nudie Patrick!"

"Yeah, it was pretty cold that year," he muttered. "Alright. Now it's your turn again."

"Promise not to laugh?" He nodded his silent consent, patiently waiting for you to continue. "When I was little, my mom told me about this girl who always said 'bunny bunny' at the first day of each month. It was supposed to bring her love and good luck." You paused for a second, and he looked at you quickly, as if expecting more to the story.

"And?"

"And so I always said it. Those were the first words that came out of my mouth every month," you explained.

"That's not that bad," he said. "All little girls do stuff like that."

You looked down at your feet, feeling yourself blush a bit. "Well I still do it."

He smiled, still watching you. "So..."

"So what?"

"So, does it work?" he asked.

You laughed. "I'm still trying to figure that out."

A large parking lot came into view about fifteen minutes later. At the far end stood a small brown brick building. Standing against the building was a payphone. Patrick handed you Joe's money and asked you to go get the soda while he called someone. You crumpled the money in your palm as you stuck your hands in your pockets. You headed into the small convenient store and went to the back where the drinks were. You walked past the beer—_who'd sell beer on the side of the highway? Are they trying to promote drunk driving?_—to the half wall of sodas. You decided to go with a Mountain Dew, not know which was Joe's favorite and certain he wouldn't care too much, and headed for the checkouts. Somehow, a line had formed in this desolate place. A single old lady had reached the counters seconds before you and rummaged through her giant cat-print purse for her wallet.

"I know it's in here somewhere," she muttered to herself as she dug. "Where did that confounded thing go? Ah!" She pulled out a tiny black change purse. "Now what do I owe you?" she asked the cashier. He told her the amount and she began to count out the exact change. As this happened in front of you, you stared out the window blankly. A wisp of a smile pulled at the corners of your lips. You hadn't noticed the little old lady in front of you had dropped most of her change and she started picking it up. When she had finished, she stood, facing you. She looked to where you were looking and smiled. "I'm so sorry, dear," she said, pulling you out of your blank mind. You looked at her, slightly confused. "I'll try to hurry up and count out this dratted change again so you can get that soda to your boyfriend out there." She looked out the window and your eyes followed hers to where you were staring a few seconds ago. You realized you had been watching Patrick and quickly looked back to the old lady, eyes wide.

"Oh, no. We're just—" _What exactly _are_ we? Are we friends or still acquaintances? _

She just smiled at you the turned back to the counter. "How much do I owe you again?" The cashier repeated her total. She counted out the change and grabbed her purse. She wished you a good day before leaving.

As you paid for the soda, you contemplated what the lady had said. You quickly dismissed the idea. You only met this morning, and yeah, he was a lot of fun to be around, but you could only imagine him in the older quirky brother kind of way. You shrugged. Today had been by far the greatest day of your life. So what if Joe's van left you stranded somewhere on the highway between Mercer and Pittsburg. You scored a new hat, played an intense game of rock paper scissors, and were hanging out with some of the craziest, most awesome people you'd ever met. Best of all, you weren't spending the day alone…as you always did. That thought was enough to make you beam. That cashier handed you a few cents in change and you grabbed the soda, turned then left. The door chimed behind you as it clanged shut. You went and stood next to Patrick. "So?" you asked, handing him the soda.

"They're going to pick Joe and your friend up, then they're coming here to get us because I'm too lazy to walk back."

"What about the guys at the airport?"

"They called someone else to drive them to Mercer," he answered, taking a seat on the floor against the wall.

You sank down next to him and pulled your knees up to your chin. "Today was pretty awesome," you spoke your mind.

He gave you a strange look. "Joe's car broke down."

"Yeah, but I got to hang out with you, conned you into giving me your hat, and we had a nice little chat," you explained. "And as an added bonus, my mom's going to flip when I get home."

"Oh shit, I forgot about that... I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's cool. I'm actually happy about it. She needs to realize that I'm almost eighteen. I can finally live."

_I manage to siphon some breath out from my gut. Tell you to take my hand and run. I'll be waiting for you to come home._


	6. Chapter 6

**6: MacDonald's Monday**

A month passed by and you were still recounting the failed trip to Pittsburg in microscopic detail. People gathered around your lunch table requesting to hear it over again. As you spoke, everyone watched you intently, more so than the first time you told the story, though they probably had it memorized by now. Each time you reached the part about the old lady, everyone burst into laughter and teased you. Today was no different.

"Oooooh, Julie's found love!" your friend Alex cooed. His lunch tray was abandoned on the table behind yours and he straddled the chair, facing you.

Ah, Alex Woods. Here's a boy who's had your stomach all a-flutter since the day he became the new kid in your fifth grade class. His dark blonde hair always fell perfectly just above his electric blue eyes. He shot up to the grand height of 5'7" by the end of your sophomore year and hadn't grown since. He wasn't in any sports or clubs and his grades were average, but he had a certain air about him that made you think he was amazing in every possible way. You'd admired him from afar, until one day two years ago he started talking to you. You were shocked into silence, but you soon were able to talk back. Since then, you'd become pretty good friends. But until you started hanging around Fall Out Boy, you were never fully comfortable enough around him to be yourself.

"Why, Alex. Do I detect a hint of jealousy?" You raised your eyebrows at him and popped a grape into your mouth.

"Oh, yes. Now I have to go find this dude and beat him up," he joked.

"I really do hate to say this, Mr. Woods, but there's no way you could take him. The love that he and I have makes him the strongest man alive." You all burst into laughter.

"I guess I have no choice but to concede and give my approval then."

You smiled. "I'm not entirely sure if you can handle these boys."

"Try me." His look was dead serious.

"What about this weekend?" Sam inputted. "Why don't you have them over for a party?"

"Pfft, like my mom would ever go for that," you laughed.

"We can have it at my house, then," she said. "You know my parents wouldn't care."

You nodded. Her parents were in their teens when they had her, so they hadn't ever had the chance to be a kid themselves. They were always looking for an excuse to be by themselves. "Actually, that sounds like a good idea. Saturday night? I can play my song that I've been working on. I know Joe would go for it; he's been wanting me to play for a crowd."

"And I'll bring the booze!" Courtney chimed in.

Alex stood from the table, his lunch tray in his hands. "I'll definitely be there." He flashed you a confident smirk before turning to leave.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Sam and Courtney squealed and burst into a fit of excited giggles.

"Oh. My. _God!_" squeaked Sam.

"There's no way around it! He so totally likes you! I mean, did you see that smirk he gave you? I've only ever seen him give that smirk to girls he likes. He's totally set his eyes on you!" Courtney added in her own shrill voice.

"Shut up," you said, fighting off a grin. You felt your cheeks turn pink and you looked down at the table.

"It's so easy to see that there's something going on," Courtney said. "He's been acting all protective and macho every time you mention any one of the members of Fall Out Boy."

"You're just saying that. He's always acted like that towards a girl, and he's going out with that what's-her-name anyway." You crumpled your empty milk carton and aimed for the trashcan a few yards away. You sent it flying through the air and it bounced off the edge of the garbage, zooming right and hitting some kid in the back of the head. He turned around, glaring and searching for the culprit. You sunk into your chair and looked back at your friends. They were giving you curious stares.

"No he's not," Sam said.

Your head shot up. "What?"

"He's not dating her. He broke up with Nicole a few weeks ago."

Stunned by this news, you looked around the cafeteria. Sure enough, Nicole was at her table of friends, looking perky and perfect as always, but the spot usually filled by Alex was completely empty. On the complete opposite side of the lunchroom, Alex was now sitting with his own group of friends. Each were completely ignoring the other, as if they didn't exist. "Well…they've always been off and on, haven't they?"

"Julie, if you don't shut up then I'm going to stab you in the head with my pencil and hope you get lead poisoning," she threatened. "You've always been like this towards every guy that's ever liked you. You either object and act like it's impossible, or you're clueless towards them. You were wrong about them, so what makes you think you're right in saying Alex doesn't like you?"

You bit your lower lip and looked away from her. In all honesty, it was quite easy for you to think he didn't like you as more than a friend. You never felt like one of the girls that caught the boys' eyes. You often felt invisible unless they needed help on the homework. In your mind, boys only ever saw you as the smart girl or the shy and quiet good girl…at most, the girl to be friends with. As for all those supposed boys who've liked you in the past, you can't even think of one. You were pretty certain that Sam and Courtney were just making them up so you didn't feel like a complete loser.

"This is it, Julie. This is your chance. You're going to graduate this year! After seven years of liking him, don't you think it's time to take some action?" Sam asked. "You don't want to be left wondering what might have happened, do you? No," she answered for you. "Saturday is your night. You know exactly where he'll be. It's the perfect opportunity to make something happen! And if you don't, Courtney and I will, damnit!"

Courtney nodded. "We all know how much you like him. Besides, you're already friends. It's absolutely _perfect_! Especially now that he's single again," she reminded you suggestively. "I swear, I'll eat my shoe if you guys aren't together by the end of the night on Saturday."

"Okay guys. Calm yourselves. I still need to ask Joe if they can come. They might be busy."

"What the hell would they have to do in Mercer? I mean damn, this town's not even the size of my pinkie," Courtney said.

You knew they were right. And these guys were here to be your coaches anyway. So why would they say no to an opportunity to put you in the spotlight? They wouldn't. This party was going to happen.

* * *

The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. You headed outside where you were supposed to meet Joe everyday so he can pick you up for practice. Your back started to scream in agony from the weight of your overstuffed backpack. You shrugged it off your shoulders and let it fall to the ground next to you. You looked at your watch and sighed. Ten minutes had gone by without a sign of Joe. You pulled your jacket closer to you against the chill of the late fall. You leaned against the brick wall of the building and watched the little cloud puffs your breath made, completely mesmerized. Another fifteen minutes went by…then twenty…then forty. _Where the Hell is he? He should have been here _ages_ ago._ You looked at your watch once more then down the street he usually came from. You heaved your backpack back onto your shoulders. _Might as well start walking home, I guess. God, this is going to take forever and a day. Note to self: kill Joe for this._ You started walking down the sidewalk, heading towards home. The cold November air swept across your face and hair as you pulled your coat on tighter around your body, wishing you had worn a scarf. Just as you were about to turn the corner, a red car pulled up behind you.

"Julie... Julie!" You turned around, struggling to keep your balance, and saw that it was Patrick in the driver's seat. "Hey, get in! We're going to McD's. I'm starving."

You jogged to the passenger's door and yanked it open gratefully. You tossed your bag over the front into the back seat, nearly hitting a cameraman that you hadn't noticed, and slid in next to Patrick. "So where's Joe?" though you tried to hide it, your irritation could be heard in your tone.

"He had to leave for a few days," Patrick answered. He put the car in drive and started rolling down the street. He turned left, towards the edge of town where the hotel was.

"What for?

"His little brother is having a bar mitzvah back home."

"Oh." Now you felt kind of bad for being so angry with him. _But still, he could have called or something._ "I didn't know he was Jewish."

Patrick nodded and turned down another road. "Yeah, and naturally he forgot about it when he signed up for the show. His mom was pissed." He let loose a short laugh. "So yeah, we called Tasha and decided that I'll coach you for the next few days until he gets back around Thursday. We can practice today, but I wanna eat first."

"Good because I'm starving too," you said, looking up at him. You noticed his hat said 'I BINGO' which made you laugh. "Nice hat."

He grinned. "Yeah, Pete got it for me a few years ago. It's probably my favorite hat. And, no, you can't have it."

He pulled into McDonald's, parking right beside the doors. You reached into your pocket, making sure you had some money with you. You pulled out a ten then shoved it back in. Patrick opened the door, letting you in before him. The two of you took your places at the back of the line and stared up at the menu.

"I bet the other guys are starving," you said, picturing Andy and Pete in their room, gnawing on random objects.

"Oh, they'll live. The hotel's right across the street, so when they get hungry they can walk." The line scooted forward and you were now next in line. "So, what are you getting?" he asked.

"Probably the chicken sandwich or something. You?"

He rubbed his neck. "A salad."

You cocked your head at him. "Don't tell me you're on a diet..."

"Oh, no," he said quickly. "I'm vegan. No meat, you know?"

"Me too!" you said, your face lighting up. "I mean, well, not vegan, really. I don't eat the cows.

He laughed. "I see how you are, screw the birds and fish. Right?"

"Most definitely. Chickens and crabs piss me off," you joked.

After you each ordered, you grabbed your trays and went off in search of a place to sit. You found a booth in the back and slid in, one on each side. You unwrapped your sandwich and bit into it. As you chewed, you noticed Patrick was playing with a few of the blue packets of sugar substitute. He glanced up and noticed you were watching him. He smiled deviously. "Dare me?" he asked.

You swallowed. "Dare you to what?"

"Dare me to eat these?" he asked, holding one of the packets up.

"What, are you going to take a shot of sugar?"

"Hell yeah! You dare me?"

You shook your head laughing. "Yeah sure, I guess. Whatever floats your boat." You took another bite as he gathered three packets and ripped off the tops. He leaned his head far back and shook the contents into his open mouth. He coughed, sending a cloud of white powder into the air and all over his chin. He quickly swallowed and covered his mouth as he coughed again. He took a deep drink of his soda. His eyes were watering, his face was turning red, and his leg was bouncing under the table. He scrunched his face and shuddered, releasing a sound of disgust.

You giggled. "Taste bad?"

He took in a lungful of air. "Damn! That stuff should be made illegal," he said, taking another sip of his soda.

You shook your head again. "Maybe you shouldn't do stuff like that." You chomped off the end of a fry.

He smiled sheepishly. "I guess I just never learn. I once took a shot of garlic butter when I was nineteen."

You pretended to gag. "That explains a lot."

He reached over and snagged one of your fries. "You still haven't told me your life story."

You smiled, taking a last bite of your sandwich. "You never quit, do you?" He smiled at you intently. "Well," you took a sip of soda, "I grew up in a place close to Mercer called Lake Latonka with my mom and dad. I spent most of my time at school, the library, or the daycare. I guess that's what happens when your mom works night shifts at the diner and your dad is working ten to twelve hours a day. I rode the bus in the mornings since my mom was passed out and my dad had left at four. My dad normally picked me up in the afternoons on his way home. Things started to go south for my parents' marriage and they split. I was about seven. That's when my mom moved us here. A few years later, she met Doug. They eventually got married, and I was thrust into a family of four. Now I end up making daily death threats to my annoying little stepsister, Katelyn. She's eleven and thinks she knows everything. Now I'm filming a TV show with you sitting across from me," you finished lamely. Patrick just started at you. "Yes?"

"Nothing, it's just that was probably the quickest life story I've ever heard."

"My life's pretty boring," you said. "Up until now, I mean. What about you?"

"Me?" he asked, munching on his salad.

You laughed. "Yes, you. I want to know about Patrick."

"Ummm... There's not much to me either, I guess. Really. I grew up in Willmette, Illinois... Went to school, graduated, met Joe in a bookstore, joined FOB, and here I am now. Eating a salad at McDonalds."

"That was even shorter than mine," you laughed. "And what about that girl? The one you wrote that song for?"

"Oh, her? You don't want to hear about that." He poked his fork around his salad.

"Yes I do!" you said. "It can be useful. Dating advice, you know?" You kind of felt lame saying it, but it was true. Patrick was older, so naturally, he'd have more experience in the dating world. He's obviously had one relationship more than you had, and you thought there must be something he learned…some precious little gem of knowledge that could be of use to you.

"So you want to use me as one of those dating fashionista gay pet friends, right?" he said, joking.

"Exactly! No, really," you said, "what happened?" your tone was a bit more sympathetic now.

"It's a pretty stupid story," he said. "She criticized everything about me and everything I did."

"What was her name?"

He sighed. "Her name was Anna. We pretty much grew up together, and I always had a thing for her. We talked about everything and did everything together. It seemed perfect. I even said that we were meant for each other because we both smelled bad," he said while laughing, still poking his fork around his food. "But no, I really did love her. But once Fall Out Boy really took off, she changed. I asked her to go on tour with us and stuff but she refused."

"That's kinda weird," you said, eating the last of your fries.

"Yeah, I know. And I told her that. Then she freaked out and started saying things like that she can do better than me and that I'm overrated. I was probably in California at the time, so whenever I tried calling her back she wouldn't answer. Eventually I moved on and just tried to forget about her. Now she's living in an apartment back home with a loser who makes furniture or some shit for a living... Or so I've heard." He stopped, looking down at your tray to notice you were both finished. "You ready to go? We should probably get practicing."

You nodded. You both got up and dumped your trays then headed for the car. Before getting in, you paused. "Um, Patrick?" He looked at you. "She was wrong. There's no way she could do better than you."

He smiled, his hair waving across his forehead from the wind under his dorky "I BINGO" hat.

* * *

Once in the hotel room, you and Patrick attempted to practice. That proved to be a bit more difficult than it sounds because Pete and Andy had rented a Nintendo 64 from the front desk. They were playing Mario Cart…loudly. Pete screamed each time he fell of the course or was hit with an object. He screamed whenever he got ahead or hit someone else with an object. Whenever Andy won the race (which was just about every time), Pete went ran around the room, jumping on the beds and rapidly punching Patrick and Andy in the shoulder. It was possibly the least productive day of practice you'd had yet. You looked at the clock and saw that you had fifteen minutes to be home. You and Patrick headed for the car so he could take you home. Your front door shut behind you at exactly six pm. You sighed, glad to finally be home and dropped your bag off in your room. After dinner, you took your shower then changed into pajamas. You crawled under your covers and fell asleep reading.

_Conversation got me here, another night alone in the city..._


	7. Chapter 7

**7: Transformation Tuesday**

Mr. Hannay gave the class objectives and you tapped your pencil impatiently on the desk. "So in the back I have the rest of the instructions. There's all of the materials for your slides and stuff, but the only thing is that there are only enough for two to a microscope, so I'll let you partner up with someone. So get to it!"  

You looked over at Courtney who was talking to Sam. _Great. They've already partnered up_. You looked behind you and noticed that everyone else was already paired with a friend. You searched dejectedly for at least one other person with out a partner. You were about to announce that you had no one when a set of hands came down on your shoulders, making you jump.

 "Julie!"  

You turned and stared into a set of electric blue eyes. "Well hi there, Alex."

"Julie needs to be my partner since I have no friends," he announced, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your seat. 

 You laughed, standing on your own. He lead you to a microscope in the back of the room and you took your seat next to him. He pulled the microscope between the two of you and proclaimed, "I hate biology."

You agreed and put the slide in place. "I'd like it if we had a real teacher," you said while peering over his shoulder at Mr. Hannay.

Alex laughed. "This guy is so senile. And he's so fat his stomach erases most of the stuff he writes on the board when he walks by."  

You smiled, half listening as you read the packet of instructions_. #1. Make the slide. __Check.__ #2. Adjust the magnification. __Check. __#3. In the lines below, explain what you see. __Okay then..._You leaned towards the microscope to look into the lens- just as Alex leaned forward at the same time.  

"Ow!" Your heads collided at the temples. Your hand immediately flew to your head to rub away the pain.  

"Oh man, sorry," he apologized. He removed your hand from your head to see if you were alright.

"What's the diagnosis?"

"You've a red spot, but I'm pretty sure you'll live. About 96% sure…maybe." You burst out giggling. Students at the neighboring tables glared up at you.

"Get your work done, please," your teacher said from his desk, and you calmed down to a small giggle. Alex grinned, putting his hand on your shoulder and looking at you.

"But seriously, you're alright?" 

"Yeah... I'm fine," you said, straightening up. "That was probably the best thing that's happened to me today."  

"Good to know I made your day."  

You smiled then looked back down at the packet. "We're supposed to explain what we see." 

"Here, I'll look first," he said, pointing and then peering into the lens. About a minute later, he said, "I see... the reflection of my eye."  

"You dork. Here, let me see..." He moved over and you looked into the scope. All you could see was grey blur. You turned some of the knobs to change the adjustment and the fine adjustment until you saw a large, dark green blob with strange vain-like lines running to the center. You stepped out of the way, letting him look while you finished writing the answers on the packet.  

"What would I do without you?" He turned off the microscope and cleaned off the slide.

"You'd fail the lesson," you said, signing both of your names on the paper and heading to the front of the class to turn it in. You set it on a pile on Mr. Hannay's desk then headed over to your seat. You sat down, opening the book you were reading the night before, called Stupid and Contagious, one of Joe's books, and began reading. A few minutes later, Alex appeared again, sitting down at the desk in front of you. He put his hand at the top of your book, pushing it down so he could see your face. 

"Don't think you're getting rid of me that easily, Julie."  

You smiled at him, setting your book down on the desk after marking our place. "What may I do for you now, Mr. Woods?"  

"What you can do," he said, "is grace me with your presence, possibly tonight for dinner."  

You bit your lip. _Damn it! No! Why did he have to ask me out when I'm busy?_ "Sorry, I can't. I have to practice with the guys tonight," you said. "If I didn't have to, I would definitely go, though."  

"Ah, I see. Guess I'll have to catch you when you're not busy with your other boys." _There's no 'other boys.' Just you. For the past goddamn seven years, it's been you._ "See you later then," he said, getting up.  

_No!_ "Yeah, see ya." _Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Why couldn't you just say what you were thinking? Why does being a teenager have to be so ridiculous?_     

Later that day, you debated with Sam and Courtney the possibilities of what "grace me with your presence" meant. It wasn't a specified date, but if it wasn't a date, what could it be? Was it just an invite for friends to hang out outside of school? How you longed to know what he was thinking. Knowing you all too well, Courtney scolded you for not saying what was on your mind before he left. She told you that he probably thought you weren't interested in him now because of how you responded. You shrugged, knowing there was nothing you could do now…except worry about was the party that weekend. _Oh shit. The party._ You'd almost forgotten to ask Patrick if they could go. You were so into your conversation with him yesterday that it totally slipped your mind. So after school when you put money into the payphone to call your mom, you took a pen out and wrote, 'Ask about the party,' on your hand.  

"Hello?"  

From the tone of her voice, you could tell she was in a good mood. _Good_. "Hey, mom."

"What's going on today, Jules?"  

"Not much, I'm about to leave to practice with the guys."  

"They actually came by earlier today. They went upstairs to your room then came back downstairs with black trash bags full of stuff," she informed you, confusion evident in her tone.  

You paused, waiting to see if she was serious. "They what?"  

"I don't know. I asked them and they said it was for a project or something."  

_Hmm, the boys are up to something._ "Alright, well I'll be home at six."  

"Love you."  

"Love you too." You set the phone back up on it's receiver then reached down to pick up your bag, slinging it onto your shoulder. Turning around, you saw the familiar red car from the day before. Patrick was driving, Andy was in the front passenger's seat, and Pete sat in back. You ran over to the car. You threw your backpack in before you. It landed on Pete's lap.

"What the hell do you have in that thing, a dead body?" he asked as he heaved it to the floor.  

"Nope. College prep English homework, biology, world history, French, and health," you said nonchalantly.  

"Damn," he muttered. "Good luck with that."  

"Thanks, I need it." Patrick popped in The Hush Sound up front and the music consumed the car.   He drove for about fifteen minutes and you stared out the window, watching the images outside as you passed. _Yep. The usual Pennsylvania landscape. __Evergreen trees, large cornfields, and run-down farm houses.   _

About twenty minutes later, you came to a town close to Mercer called Hermitage, and you immediately knew where you were when Patrick pulled into the mall parking lot.  

"Why are we here?" you asked as the boys climbed out of the car. They opened the trunk where they each took a garbage bag, carrying them to a nearby dumpster. You got out of the car as well, eyeing them, completely confused. 

"You see these?" Patrick asked, and you nodded. "These _were_ your clothes." _Bull-effing-shit._ They tossed the bags into the dumpster, throwing away every piece of clothing that you had ever owned, or so you thought. Patrick reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a white pair of socks—your piggy socks. He handed them to you, smiling. "I didn't have the heart to let these go, though."   

"Alright, now come with us little girl. We've got a MADE makeover to do!" Pete said as he put his arm around your shoulder. He ushered you to a door in the back of the mall. Once inside, you took a quick look around, gasping from what you saw. You were in a massive room that was full with rows and rows of clothing. You stood there with the biggest grin on your face.  

"Told you she'd love it," Andy said, noticing your expression.  

Pete ran in front of you, holding his arms out to emphasize the quantity of clothing in the room. "We had our pals from Clandestine prepare hundreds of wardrobes just for you, my pretty. A little birdie told us that you were sick of your image, so we had this arranged. Compliments to Joe, though. He was the man who thought of this in the first place."  

"Remind me to bake him a cake when he gets back." You were overwhelmed.

Patrick walked up behind you and nudged you forward. "Alright. Get going. Pick out an outfit just for today." A smile leapt across your face. You felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. You ran down the aisles of hangers, going through different shirts, dresses, hoodies, pants, jackets, and everything else imaginable. Once you chose some things that you liked, you went into a little bathroom they had set up to be a changing room for you. You'd come out every couple minutes to show them what you'd put together. Each time, Andy and Pete would join in together: "Daaaaamn, girl." "Holy shit, she looks human." and various other cat calls. But every time you'd come out, Patrick would stand in the back against the wall just looking at you. You only paid him a short glance, so you couldn't really decipher his stare. This made you unsure if you looked alright in any of these outfits, but then Pete and Andy chimed in with their hoots and hollers of ample approval. You took that to mean you looked pretty okay. You gave up on trying to decipher Patrick's seemingly blank stare. Eventually, you decided on a light blue shirt that said 'Fall Out Boy ownzz me,' a pair of skinny jeans, and a black zip-up hoodie that read 'More For Keeps' with a graphic design on it. You smiled, pleased with yourself.  

"Wow, you look amazing," Andy said, walking around you while Pete did the same. You knew they meant it in a friendly way and they weren't hitting on you. You felt completely comfortable around these guys and liked to refer to them as your boys or your dorks. It felt as though they were your hyper older brothers.

"Now let's get this girl over to get her hair did!" Pete said, clapping his hands in the air. As he did so, another girl appeared in a doorway beside the bathroom. She had long, curly brown hair, a thin body swathed in other Clandestine gear, and smelled strongly of hair spray. "This is Claire and she's going polish you up," Pete said.

She smiled, holding out her hand and you shook it. "Come in here and have a seat." She led you into the room she came from. You glanced over your shoulder at the guys, giving them a nervous grin. You haven't had your hair done for who knows how long...The room was a small and square with a large vanity on one end and two desks on the other. She pointed to a chair that was in front of the larger mirror by the vanity, so you quickly sat down. She shut the door behind you and walked behind you. She pulled out the rubber band and set your hair free to lay about your shoulders.

"Wow, you have really pretty hair. Is it naturally this color?" She flattened out the strands in the front by pulling them down in her hands.

You nodded. "Yeah, I've never touched my hair with dye."  

She then ran her fingers through your hair a few times, taking a good look at it. After a minute or so, she got out one of those cape things and draped it around you. "I'm going to do some cutting and some coloring, so you're going to need to trust me," she said, spinning you around so you couldn't watch her reflection in the mirror.   

You squinted your eyes shut, breathing in deeply. _How bad do I really want this? ... Pretty damn bad._ "Go ahead," you said, relaxing into your seat. "I trust you."  

With her spray water bottle, comb, and scissors, she worked her magic for about five minutes. You looked down as you saw bits and pieces of your hair falling all around you. Your stomach felt like it was going to explode from the nerves and excitement. Once she was done cutting, she got a little bowl of hair color and aluminum foil and attached it to parts of your hair.    

One hour later, after vigorous washing, pulling, and straitening, she finally spun you around in the chair to see the final product. _Holy shit._ It was completely different than anything you'd ever dared to imagine for your hairstyle. She had done a chop-cut to your layers so your hair hung down like daggers. She dyed your roots crimson, pulling the color down into some streaks around your head. She had dyed the rest of your hair dark brown, making the red pop more. You played with your new hair for a second, loving the effect of the two colors contrasting against each other. She pulled off the cape, finally setting you free.

"Thank you so much," you said, getting up and throwing your arms around her.  

"I'm glad you like it," she laughed, returning the sudden hug. "Now let's go show everyone else."  

You followed her to the door as she opened it, revealing you to the guys. Pete and Andy, who were sitting on the floor, stood up and immediately started clapping once they saw you. _They're such girls._ Patrick still stood against the wall, just looking at you. _Still_ only looking at you. "What d'you think?" you asked as you saw a small flash of light. You glanced upwards to see Pete snag a random photo of you.  

"We think you look bitchin'," Andy said just as Pete poked you in the stomach. You poked him back, laughing.   

* * *

Later that night, you sat in Patrick's car as he pulled into your driveway, taking you home. He had already dropped the guys off at the hotel along the way. The make-over had taken up most of your practice time, so he had decided to just take you straight home. It wasn't such a big deal since you knew 'Saturday' pretty much by heart now. You were glad for the break. You looked down at your hands that were sitting on your lap. You read the 'Ask about the party' that you'd written earlier while talking to your mom. _Oh shit! _"Patrick?"  

"Hmm?" He was staring out the front window and you broke him of his trance. "Oh... Yeah?"  

"My friend Sam is having a party this Saturday at her house and I wanted to know if you guys could come. I know Joe was trying to figure out a way for me to play in front of people, so I thought this would be an awesome opportunity."  

"Oh, yeah, sure," he said. "We have nothing else to do. And if the other's do, I'll make them go anyway."  

"Great! Because... I kinda already said that you'd come," you said which made him laugh. You reached into the backseat, grabbed you bag, and opened the door. You were about to get out when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned around slowly to look at him. He had the same look on his face that he had back at the mall.   

"Julie?"  

"Yeah?"  

"You look amazing."       

 _I could have died with you. (I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle.)_


	8. Chapter 8

**8: Seduction Saturday**

***Author's note:** I think I may have forgotten that the original author did put in some sexual scenes. Nothing more than in a PG-13 film, but you might be aware of it. There are a few throughout the original author's chapters, but they are in there for a reason. Just to let you know...P.S. I did not name these chapters. xD Ok, I'm out.

At school the next day, you were the center of attention. Everywhere you looked, you saw people noticing you. You were no longer invisible. That morning, you felt brave enough to give make-up a try. You lined your honeyed brown eyes with a thin pitch-black line, thickening it at the outer corners. You decided to go with a bright pink eye shadow and toned it down with a smoky purple to darken the outer corners, blending the two shades in the middle of your lid. You finished your eyes off with black lash-defining mascara. The only other make-up you added was your daily chap stick. It wasn't overdone, but it was just enough to make a statement. For your hair, you mimicked what you had seen Claire do to straighten it, taking small sections at a time and battling out the few waves your hair made. As you walked around school, you couldn't help but to feel more confident and you smiled at many of the people you passed between classes.

Joe returned from Chicago by Wednesday and resumed his position as your coach. When you told him about the party on Saturday, he was beyond excited.

"Fuck yes!" he had exclaimed, holding up his hand for a high-five. You slapped your hand to his excitedly. "This is going to be awesome! I give you major props." And with that, he worked you twice as hard during practices.

You lay in bed attempting to sleep Friday night, but your mind kept you wide-awake. You ran through 'Saturday' again in your mind, playing the air guitar along to practice playing at the same time. But performing wasn't your main concern. You had only made through half of the song when you thought of Alex. The rabid butterflies swarmed your stomach again as your mind ran wild with numerous scenarios of the next night's possibilities.

* * *

Before you knew it, it was Saturday afternoon and you were standing on Sam's doorstep ringing the doorbell with a few changes of clothes (since you hadn't yet decided on an outfit). You heard the frantic sound of running footsteps and then the front door flew open. Sam was still in her pajamas even though it was almost five.

"Good mornin' sunshine," you said, stepping inside as she closed the door behind you. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get my parents out of the house? I eventually had to bribe them with money," she said while you took off your checkered vans, setting them beside the door.

"Is Courtney bringing the food?" you asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I just got off of the phone with her. She's stopping at the store to get a bunch of crap for later." She headed towards the stairs and you followed her up, heading into her room. You plopped down on her bed, falling back on the pillows while she sat down at her desk to get on the computer. This is what you usually did when you went over to her house. You would always lie on her bed and say whatever came to mind as she surfed the internet. It was better than therapy.

"I feel like I'm going to puke," you admitted.

"Please don't. I really don't feel like cleaning it up."

You sat up on your elbows so you could look at her. "No, seriously. I'm so freaking nervous about tonight it's not even funny."

"Why? What d'you have to worry about?"

"Everything!" you said. "Everything. I'm afraid I'll mess up somehow. Not with the performance, or anything…But what if I totally freeze when I'm talking to Alex? Or what if I end up doing something completely embarrassing? I don't want to make a fool of myself now that there might be the tiniest flicker of hope that he might like me."

"You'll probably be too busy making out to do something embarrassing," she said sarcastically. You smiled. "But really, you have nothing to worry about. You'll have us here and if he acts like a douche, we'll beat him up."

You sighed and let yourself fall back on her bed again. You watched the lights from her disco lamp dance across the ceiling. _Maybe she's right. Maybe I don't have anything to be so stressed about. I mean we're friends anyway, so it's not like I haven't talked to him before. And besides, tonight's really about the music anyway, right?_ You paused in your thoughts for a second. _Who am I kidding?_

You heard a brief knock followed by the slamming of the door. "You two better get your asses down here and give me a hand with this crap!" shrieked Courtney. You followed Sam downstairs and saw Courtney standing just inside the entry surrounded by grocery bags. You each took a few bags and set them on the kitchen counters.

"What all did you get?" you asked, unloading the bags as they both did the same.

"Let's see," she said while holding out her fingers to count them off. "Napkins, plates, cups, streamers, balloons, salsa, cheese, five bags of chips, pop, and anything else I could think of."

Sam emptied the last bag, which was full with bottles of vodka. "And what's this?"

"This, my friends, is my secret ingredient for a good time. This is what I paid my brother an extra five Hamiltons to get for us," Courtney said, putting them in the cupboard underneath the sink. "And we need to save these babies until the perfect moment tonight."

You hadn't believed that Courtney was really going to bring the booze, as she had said earlier in the week, but there it was in all its glory. The mere sight of it made you uneasy. You knew that if the party got out of hand and the cops were called, that Patrick, Pete, Joe, and Andy could get into some major trouble…possibly even arrested. And the use of alcohol was the one area that your mom didn't need to be so strict about with you. You'd always hated the smell and how it made people act. Once, you accidentally took a sip of beer from your dad's glass, thinking it was your tea one glass over, and you nearly threw up from the taste. You vowed then to never touch the vile poison. But you supposed that underage drinking at a technically unsupervised party (as the boys were really just big kids) was something normal for teens all over the nation.

You set out the chips and such in bowls and put them in the living room while Courtney and Sam set up the huge stereo. You ran upstairs to get ready, changing in the bathroom where there was a full-length mirror attached to the inside of the door. You decided on your new 'Droppin Science' Fall Out Boy t-shirt with a pink tank top underneath. Over that, you threw on a Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie. You made sure your make-up looked absolutely perfect, and, though you had straightened your hair, you put on the had you'd won from Patrick, turning it slightly sideways the way he had first put it on you. Before leaving the bathroom, you looked checked yourself from every possible angle and decided that you looked pretty good.

The doorbell rang as you reached the downstairs again and you felt your heart drop. Sam walked over and opened the door just as the camera crew pushed themselves past her and walked inside. _Damn. What's their problem? _That was the same thing they did to you the day they came to your house to start filming. As the cameramen started to set up, Patrick Pete, Joe and Andy stood in the doorway carrying their own equipment. They dragged through the door an electric guitar, and amp, and a microphone with a stand. You stepped aside to make room for them. You watched excitedly as they plugged in everything. Joe stood up straight and motioned for you to come closer.

"It's just going to be you up there tonight, but don't freak out, Okay? We all have total confidence in you. Now," he held up the guitar, "we decided to have you play the electric. Everything's the same, except the sound, so you shouldn't have any issues. But I want you to know that this is my guitar, so if you break it, I might just have to hurt you."

You laughed and nodded. "I'll be sure to take extra good care of it."

"Alight, now quit bothering me, kid! I have to finish setting things up."

You both laughed, but you left anyway. You looked around and saw that Pete and Andy were talking with Sam and Courtney. _Where'd Patrick go? _You turned around and saw him walking into the kitchen by himself. His face seemed a bit red like he was nervous about something. You decided to follow him.

"What's up?" you asked, looking up at him confused.

"Oh, ah- not much." He looked down at the floor, seeming as if he was avoiding eye contact. You both had been around each other so much lately, so you knew that he was acting odd. He was always so outgoing around you…until yesterday. It was almost like he was angry with your or something.

"What's wrong?" you asked. "Did something happen?"

His soft blue eyes shot up at you and his facial expression changed almost immediately to shocked. "What? Oh, no. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. I just.. Didn't get much sleep last night. That's all."

"Well you don't have to be here. You can go back to the hotel and get some sleep if you want," you said, trying to be as helpful as possible.

"No!" he said quickly, even shocking himself. "No. I don't want to- I mean, I don't want to leave. I'm fine. I'll be okay."

You narrowed your eyes, getting a good look at him. He didn't have any bags under his eyes and he didn't seem calm and tired at all. Nope.. His face was a little red and you noticed his hands were shaking a bit. But he insisted he was fine, so you didn't want to push the matter.

"Nice hat, by the way." He almost seemed to be forcing himself to joke.

"Thanks! I won it off some guy on the street."

"That sounds kinda ruthless." You both laughed lightly.

The doorbell rang again and you got up to answer the door since Sam was too busy. Her home was pretty much your home anyway. You opened the door expecting to greet a few people from school, but were shocked to see a long line of people that stretched out into the yard. You poked your head out to notice it going further down the sidewalk. _Oh shit._

"We heard Fall Out Boy was here!" the girl in front of you said, trying to peek behind you to see if it was true. _Wow. News travels fast in this small town._

"Uh, yeah. Come on in, I guess," you said, letting everyone past you. The line of people coming in seemed almost endless, and you looked over at Sam who seemed as confused as you were. You didn't even recognize half of the people there, but you knew some of them were kids from Mercer and some were kids from other schools around the area. You were about to close the door after the last person, but then someone pushed it back open as more people came in. You decided to just walk away and let everyone in. _Who really cares?_ As long as Alex came, you didn't mind whoever was there. _Speaking of the blonde boy, where is he?_

You walked into the living room after everything was set up and you took a good look around. There were so many people in there that you had to squeeze through to get to the other side. After scanning most of the heads, you decided he wasn't there yet. You continued walking into the dining room where you found Joe, Sam, and Courtney huddling in the corner from the mass of goggling girls. You ran over, standing next to them.

"Julie! I almost forgot, I wanted to give you something," Joe said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a large stack of CD's and handed them to you. "These are the rest of our CD's and other bands that I think you'd like." You scanned the labels: The Academy Is.., Shiny Toy Guns, Cute Is What We Aim For, Amber Pacific, Bring Me The Horizon, + more. You smiled and quickly hugged him, shoving them into your hoodie pocket.

"Awesome, I needed these. Hold on, I'll go put my hoodie away so no one steals them," you said, heading towards the kitchen again. It was pretty empty except for every random kid that came in to get a pop from the fridge. You walked to the corner, zipping off your hoodie and stuffing it in a drawer so no one would find it. You turned around to head back into the dining room but landed right into Patrick who was standing behind you.

"Oh! Sorry, didn't see you there," you said, laughing and taking a step back.   He didn't laugh. Nor did he smile. He just peered down at you with that same look on his face like he was sort of panicking.

"Julie, I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"There's something I've been meaning to say-" He stopped mid-sentence just as someone yelled your name from the front door. You looked over Patrick's shoulder to see Alex gleaming happily at you.

You felt your heart leap to your throat. _Yes! There he is. _"Oh! 'Scuse me," you said, walking around Patrick as his eyes followed you as you ran over to Alex, leaping into his arms to give him a huge hug. "I almost thought you weren't coming!"

Alex pulled away, but still kept his arms around your waist. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

You smiled up at him. _Ahhhh, those amazing blue eyes. _"Here, I want you to meet someone," you said. You grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd into the living room where you saw Joe tuning his guitar with a clan of girls around him. "Joe, this is Alex. Alex, this is Joe; the guy who's been coaching me."

They shook hands and Joe grinned at him. "Oh, so this is the kid that you can't stop talking about." You felt your face go a little pink, almost like Patrick, but you didn't shy away.

"That's good, because I can't stop talking about _her_," Alex said, looking down and smiling at you. _Oh. My_. _Did he seriously just say that? ..yeah, I'm pretty sure he just said that._ You bit your lip to hide your smile.

"And speaking of coaching, I think it's the perfect time for you to play for everyone." Joe yelled, making everyone get quiet, "Hey guys! Julie's going to play a song, so everyone get your adolescent asses in here!"

People pushed and shoved their way into the room for a few minutes just as Sam came running into the room. Joe set the strap of the guitar around you, letting the guitar hang down. You felt a bit paralyzed as if you couldn't move. _Holy shit! They want me to play __now? _Joe turned the amp on and you looked around the room. Everyone's eyes were on you. You peered around, looking for a comforting face as your eyes set on Patrick. He cracked a small grin, the first one of the night, and you felt a numbing feeling come over you. He nodded as if to say 'It's alright, you'll be fine.' You nodded back, then looked down at your feet. _Alright, this is it. Now find the G# chord..._You placed your fingers in place and put your lips to the microphone. "I'm good to go and I'm going nowhere fast. It could be worse I could be taking you there with me. I'm good to go, but it looks like I'm still on my own. I'm good to go for something golden though the motions I've been going through have failed. And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall at a hundred miles an hour. When I say...Two more weeks, my foot is in the door. Yeah. I can't sleep in the wake of Saturday. Saturday. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Pete and I attacked Astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence. And I read about the afterlife, but I never really lived more than an hour, more then an hour. When I say...Two more weeks, my foot is in the door. Yeah. I can't sleep in the wake of Saturday. Saturday. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. And I read about the afterlife, but I never really lived. And I've read about the afterlife but I've never really lived. Two more weeks, my foot is in the door. Me and Pete in the wake of Saturday. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Saturday, when these open doors were open ended. Saturday"

Everyone stared at you for a few seconds, silence covering the room when you finished. You held in a deep breath, not wanting to look up. Suddenly, they burst out in applause, causing you to let out your breath. Joe ran over to you, hugging you and almost knocking you over. The biggest smile swept across your face; it was the first time you'd ever really felt this alive. Everyone believed in you at that moment, and that's all that mattered to you. You felt just like Charlie in the book Perks Of Being A Wallflower. You felt infinite.

For the next few hours, you ran around from room to room just talking to people and socializing. Random people that you didn't even know came up to you, patting you on the back and complimenting you either on your performance or on how good you looked. The entire party seemed like a dream; a complete blur of a night. And to think, you didn't even want to come to the party earlier.

"Julie! There you are, I've been looking for you."

You turned around to see Alex who grabbed your hand instantly.

"Can you come with me? I want to talk to you," he said.

You nodded. "Of course." _Wait, wasn't there someone else who wanted to talk to me earlier?... Oh well._

He led you upstairs where it was quiet, or so you thought. You looked around to see people making out in the hallway, so you pulled him into Sam's room so you could talk privately. Once you closed the door, you turned around to see him right in front of you. You leaned your back against the door... God, he was so close.

"You were amazing down there," he said.

You blushed a bit, looking down at your feet. "Thanks. I've been working on that song forever now, so I'm glad it paid off."

He took a small step closer to you. Then another. Then another.

You felt your heart begin to race. Your breath caught. _Holy shit._

He was pressing you against the door. You looked up to see the small smirk play across his face. The air seemed to have been sucked from the room. He leaned in, and before you knew it, his lips were against yours. His arms were now on either sides of you and he slipped his hands around your small waist, pulling you close to him. His kiss became more intense as he slipped his tongue against yours. You felt a strange sensation crawling between your legs that you never felt before. Normally you would've pushed him away, but you were too into the moment. His lips against yours just felt right. He pulled his kiss down the side of your neck and his hands swept the edge of your shirt. He started pulling it up, and you put your arms up, allowing him to take it off. He threw it behind him, then put his arms around you again and started walking backwards onto the bed. He turned you around and set you down on it, crawling on top of you and pulling your legs on either side of him so your were almost straddling him. The sensation was growing now as the crawling feeling turned into a heat that crept like slow waves. His hands slid under your pink tank top, pulling it up. His cold hands made you shiver as he touched your soft skin, but your hands shot up, stopping him.

"Alex... No, I can't do this," you whispered, your voice coming in short breaths.

"Why not?"

"I just.. I can't." You sat up, grabbing your shirt off of the floor. "I'm sorry."

He sighed heavily as you quickly left the room, his fist hitting the pillow beside him.

* * *

You sat in the living room, the party still going on. It was already one in the morning and there were even more people there than there was to start with. The reason, you were guessing, was because the camera crew left. Pete was snooping around the kitchen and found the vodka, which he was oh-so-happy to pass around to everyone. Everyone was acting like they were completely wasted, but you could tell no one really was. They probably only had one sip. 'Oh, look. I'm drunk!' Funny how teenagers do things just to look awesome. Even though they look completely retarded.

You and Andy were pretty much the only ones who didn't drink. Pete and Courtney were going bottle happy and you noticed them making out in the corner. You laughed once you noticed them. Courtney had always thought Pete was gorgeous, and now she was making out with him. Pete, even though he knew she was underage, didn't seem to mind at all. _Oh well, she'll be eighteen in a few months. _Amazing what just the thought of alcohol can do for someone.

Patrick walked into the living room and he saw you sitting on the couch. He took a seat next to you, and you smiled at him again. He seemed a bit calmer now.

"Julie..."

_Oh shit. _He_ wanted to talk to me..._

_Loaded words and loaded friends are loaded guns to our heads._

"Yeah?"

"I, uh-" He looked down at his hands that were starting to shake again.

"Yeah? You said you wanted to tell me something earlier."

"Yeah," he said, putting his hands underneath him, sitting on them so you couldn't see him shaking.

"Well?"

"Never mind," he said, suddenly standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He walked towards the door, grabbed his coat, and headed outside without looking back at you. You were left alone again, completely confused. _Okay then…Maybe he really was just super tired…__Who knows._ You'll talk to him tomorrow.

Alex walked over to you, taking your hands and pulling you up. "I gotta go. Walk me to my car?"

You smiled and nodded. "Sure."

He took you outside, walking over to his car. The night air was freezing, which reminded you when his cold hands grazed your skin. You looked up at the sky, and for once there were stars out in the view from the town. It was beautiful.

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

"Don't worry about it," he interrupted. "It doesn't matter."

Just as he was about to get into his car, he turned around and kissed you. It wasn't like before when he was rough; it was soft. You felt your heart leap.

You swore you were infinite.


	9. Chapter 9

**9: Boys Will Be Boys**

The next morning, you awoke to the sound of your phone ringing beside your bed on your nightstand. You sat up, shocked from the sudden noise. You looked at your alarm clock..._7:34 Who the hell would be calling at this time on a Sunday?_You reached over, grabbed the phone, then turned it on and held it to your ear. You breathed in sleepily. "..mm'ello?"  

"Julie! Hey, this is Patrick." 

"You sound lively this morning." Your voice was still rough with sleep. You lay back down, closed your eyes and put your palm to your forehead. "What's Patrick calling for at this time?"  

"I wanted to know if you wanted to come to the movies with us? We're going to see the new Harry Potter movie." You knew Pete put him up to this. Pete has always been obsessed with the Harry Potter movies, as were you. You owned almost every piece of Harry Potter merchandise that existed. You often found Pete hiding out in your room playing with all the little toys. He wrapped your Gryffindor scarf around his neck and hopped around your room, waving your wand that lit up at the end to cast spells. He'd always call you his 'Hogwarts Buddy.' "So?" Patrick said after you didn't say anything. 

"What time?" you asked, rolling over onto your stomach so you could peer into your closet to decide what you'd wear.  

"Well the movie doesn't start until 11:30, but Pete wants to get there as soon as possible so we can get good seats." _What the hell? The movie's been out for a few weeks now. There's most likely going to be no one else there. Pete's so effing paranoid. _ 

"Yeah, sure. I'll go get a quick shower. I'll meet you outside in about an hour?"  

He laughed. "Yeah, right. I know you usually take forever to get a shower. See ya in an hour then."  

"Bye." You hung up and threw the cordless phone across the room. It fell with a loud thud. You got up and went into the bathroom, which was right beside your room. You didn't feel like picking anything out to wear just yet, so you just threw off your pajamas and turned on the water. You loved how quickly the water warmed up. You stepped in, enjoying the soothing feel of the water. It was your ultimate stress reliever. _Ahh, yes! Relaxation._ But suddenly the shower wasn't as relaxing as you knew it should've been. A single sickening thought washed over you. _I could've almost lost my virginity last night.__ What?_ You said it aloud, trying to see if it could make any sense to you.  

"I almost lost my virginity last night." Nope. Still doesn't make sense. You were just so into it when his body was against yours and you felt that feeling you'd never felt before. That was the first time you'd ever really kissed a guy, now that you thought about it.  

_Was that my first kiss?_You touched your fingers to your lips. You'd always heard from people that your first _real_ kiss is when you're with someone you care for so deeply while they share the same feelings back. Was that what it was last night? You had no clue. You didn't even know if he really cared. You didn't know anything at this point. You were now rinsing out your hair, and you looked down. You saw a strange red spot on your collarbone. _Oh shit! It's from Alex._ _Damn._ You hadn't realized hickies were so noticeable.

Once you were finished in the shower, you stepped out, wrapped a towel around yourself, then went into your room to find something to wear. You picked up your jeans from last night that were on the floor…_Oh, who cares? They're still clean_. You put on some underwear then threw on the jeans. _Now, what shirt to wear?_You'd think having a whole new wardrobe would help you find things to wear, but you realized it was now even harder than before. Half of the stuff you haven't even worn yet. _Gah_. You eventually settled on a green 'The Patrick' Clandestine polo shirt and some random hoodie. You checked yourself in the mirror. _Good enough. _

You were too lazy to put any makeup on, so you spent the rest of your time drying your hair until it was about 8:30. You then went downstairs, threw on your brown and pink fuzzy high tops Converse, and headed out the door. You knew they'd be there any second, so you sat down on the steps of your porch to wait.

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen.  _Damn. I would've had time to put makeup on now_. Just as you were about to go inside to call them, Joe's car pulled into the driveway. You ran over and jumped in the back, Patrick beside you in the middle, Andy on his other side. Pete was in the passenger's seat, and Joe was driving.  

"You guys made me sit out in the cold for fifteen minutes. Bitches," you pouted.

"Yeah, well if it wasn't for dumbass up there," Andy said, pointing to Pete, "then we would've been on time. He insisted on going back to the hotel once we were halfway here so he could get the Goblet of Fire soundtrack."  

Pete turned around, smiling, obviously proud of himself. "Yep." He popped the CD in, blasting the volume as 'Hedwig's Theme' played. Joe pulled out of your driveway, heading towards Hermitage, the same town where the mall was. Hermitage was pretty much the only place you could go to near Mercer for some fun. They pretty much had everything there including the mall, a bowling alley, the movies, an arcade, and like a hundred other things. You looked up to see Patrick smiling at you. _Thank God. He was acting weird last night. _He seemed more cheerful than the last few days. You still had no idea what his problem was, but you could tell he was fine now. _Maybe he was just freaked out by the tons of fan girls he was bombarded by at the party.  _

"What's that?" he asked, pointing at your shirt. Andy looked over too, as did Pete.   

"What?" Joe asked, his eyes still on the road.

Patrick's smile faded as Pete started freaking out. "_Holy shit_!Julie has a _hickie!_" Ah crap. _I hoped it wasn't that noticeable._You blushed, pulling your shirt a bit closed as Pete kept on chanting, "Julie has a hickie on her neeeeck! Julie has a hickie on her neeeeck!"  

"It's her collar bone, dumbass," Andy said.  

"Dude, that's like the same exact thing. Sooo….Who's it from?" He gasped, staring at Patrick. "We thought we said to stay off of her last night!"  

Patrick laughed. "Couldn't help myself." You punched him playfully on the arm, trying your hardest not to grin.

"Oh, I know who it was! I was that kid you introduced me to last night, wasn't it?" Joe asked, peering at you through the rear-view mirror. You looked out the window as the other three shot curious glares at each other.

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't." You pursed your lips shut.

 "TICKLE HER!" Pete yelled, reaching back as he started tickling you. Andy started laughing uncontrollably. 

You screamed. "Dammit! Pete! Noooo! Aaaaahhh! Please—stop! You're gonna—make me—pee—my pants!" you yelled, laughing and kicking the back of Joe's seat as he attacked you. Everyone burst out laughing maniacally.

"Guys, I'm trying to drive here."  

"Pete, sit down and put your seatbelt on," Patrick said as everyone forced themselves to calm down. Pete sat face forward in his seat, but started chanting about your hickie again. You shook your head and you kept on smiling. These guys were amazing.   

* * *

You stood in the lobby of the theatre after you bought the tickets, reading the clock that was overhead. 9:00. _Stupid Pete being all paranoid. I could have slept longer._You now had about three hours to do nothing. But then again, you were with four of the biggest little kids you'd ever met. They could make a crazy fun game from a single penny.

Pete grabbed Joe's jacket, pulling him over to the wall where the video games were. "Dude! Let's race!" he said, plopping down at the speedboat racing. Joe did the same, getting into the seat beside him.

Andy pulled out a bag full of quarters, and you looked at him a bit puzzled. "You never come to a place that has an arcade with Pete and not bring quarters. He gets cranky," he said, making you laugh.

"Andy, ho! Gimme your money," Pete yelled. Andy ran over to them, leaving you and Patrick standing there.

"Why don't we go get the food?" he asked, pointing to the concession stand.

"Alright."

You followed him over, pulling out a ten from your pocket and peering up at the menu. "We can get one of those combos; four drinks and two popcorns for twenty dollars."

"Mmkay.." he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet. You held your money out to him, but he pushed your hand away. "No, I'm paying. You save your money up for something useful."

You bit your lip. Damn, you hated when he acted like a gentlemen. At the same time, you loved it. It was one of those awesome quirks about him that you couldn't help but adore him for. When he wasn't looking, though, you did buy your own drink so there was one for each of you. You helped him carry the junk food over to the guys. He dumped off their share of the food. Then, grabbing one of the popcorn bags and his drink, he led you to another empty bench across the way. You sat down next to him and grabbed a giant handful of popcorn, shoving it into your mouth.

"Save some for the movie," he said, setting the bag on the other side of him.

You pouted, reaching over his lap to get another handful. He set both of your drinks down, grabbed your arm, then wrestled you away. "You're just a little ball of sunshine this morning, aren't you?" he said once he had you away.

You tried reaching over again, but he held the bag up over your head, making you reach for it. You scowled. "More like a hungry ball of sunshine. You woke me up early, and now I'm hungry."

"Okay then.. If you want some so badly, you have to hug me."

"What?"

"You heard me. You have to hug me and say 'Patrick is the most amazing person in the world. The end'," he said, mimicking your voice to make you sound like a little girl. You looked up at him, giving him the puppy dog face, hoping that would be enough to change his mind. He laughed at you. "Nope! Not gonna work. You have to do it."

"Bastard," you muttered under your breath. "You're lucky I'm not hungry to the point of being savage." You wrapped your arms around his husky waist. "Patrick is the most amazing person in the world. The end. Now give me some popcorn, damnit!" you said, jumping up.

He grinned, pulling the bag down and letting you get another handful. You stuffed it in your mouth, then grabbed your drink to take a sip of your Sprite.

"Sooo... Wanna tell me about this boy that you like?" Patrick asked, watching you drink.

You swallowed quickly, shocked from his sudden change of subject. "Well.. He's blonde. He has blue eyes. I've only recently gotten to know him and I guess I kind of like him. The end."

"Oh.." he said, looking down at his feet. You noticed him blush a bit and a random smile play across his lips. Which reminded you...

"And what did you need to tell me last night? You were acting strange and it confused the hell outta me."

"What?" he said, looking up at you as if he was thinking about something. "Oh, uhm. Yeah. Well, uh, I guess there's someone who I like too."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "That's it? That's what you were freaking out about?"

"Yeah, I guess so," he said, grabbing some popcorn and eating it.

"Who is it?" you asked, feeling nosey but not really caring.

"Well, you know her. I can tell you that much."

You gasped, sitting up on your knees, looking like you were about to pounce on him. "Ah! Yes, the guessing game. Hmm.. Is it Courtney? Well, Pete likes her. Umm..Oh! Duh! It's Sam, isn't it?"

"Not telling," he said. He stood up.

"What? Nooo, you have to tell me! I'm going to die if I don't know!" you said, pulling on his jacket like a little kid.

He shook his head, obviously enjoying this. "Nope, sorry."

"But maybe I could help you with her! I could talk to her for you. It is Sam, isn't it?"

He laughed at how concerned you were. "You probably couldn't help me. I'll just let things happen as they will," he said, picking up his drink and walking over to the guys who were screaming and getting a little too into the video game.

You sighed. _Boys will be boys._

_I love her, love her madly. But she treats me oh-so-badly._


	10. Chapter 10

**10: I Wrote This For You**

"...and students are reminded to check in with Mr. McMannis before the end of the day. Kelly?"  

You sat in your second period class staring at the television screen as it played the usual boring school news. You had a fresh piece of paper in front of you as your pencil started twirling on it, making little squiggles. _Blah_. The news was always boring. No matter what the news was, it was all delivered in the same way. Every year, the newscasters were the same generic type of people. The girls always looked orange from their fake tans and wore too much make-up. The boys wore the same haircuts and polo shirts. It looked as though they shared the same closet. And they always tried to be funny. They made lame puns and laughed uproariously. They made commercials and not one person could act. Obviously, these were the kids who were always so full of themselves. _Oh well._ _You can't control the school_. So instead of paying attention, you'd always just stare mindlessly at the screen while you doodled.   

"Thanks Josh. The Snowball Dance will be held next Wednesday, November 30th, from six to eleven. Tickets can be bought before and after school and during lunch. Singles are $3, couples $5, and $7 at the door for everyone." Your head perked up. _Did she say Snowball dance? _For the last two days since the party, you've been freaking out about the whole thing with Alex. _What really happened? Did he mean for it to happen, or did it just- Happen? Are we still friends, or something more?_ You were completely baffled. He wasn't at school today, so there was no way you could talk to him. Maybe if you asked him to the Snowball Dance after school, you could find out somehow where you two now stood. It would be more of a 'date' and it could give you the perfect opportunity to just talk to him one on one. You knew you were ready for that. But one thing you knew you weren't ready for was what almost happened in Sam's room. Someday you'd be ready, but you knew that when it would happen, everything would be perfect. You promised yourself that.

But Saturday night with Alex... It was like you weren't even you. It was like your mind shut down and all of your morals just disappeared. It wasn't right, now that you thought about it. At the time you were having fun, but now you sort of regret it. You knew you didn't want to lose your virginity, not just yet. You wanted to wait until that perfect time. You wanted to wait for marriage. _I can wait until then,_ you promised.

You felt someone tap your shoulder and you turned to your right to see the girl you sat beside, Kayce, smiling at you. "I heard you on Saturday at Sam Kardasz's house. You're a good singer."  

"Aww, thanks. You should really compliment my coach, though. He's taught me everything so far," you said.  

"Is it true Joe Trohman is your coach? I mean, I saw him at the party, but I wasn't really sure."  

You nodded. "Yeah, he is. And all of the guys were there." 

"I also heard you're dating Pete Wentz. Is that true?" she asked, staring up at you. Suddenly you became aware of all the gossip that must be flying all around you. After all, you were constantly hanging around these four guys…no parental supervision. What else would it look like to the prying eyes of the entire student population?

"Uh, no. We're just friends."  

She stared at you still, her eyes almost bulging out. "But you're dating _someone_ from Fall Out Boy, right?"  

What was it with these annoying lies people were spreading about you? Before you started filming MADE, no one even knew you existed. "Ohh, yeah, definitely" you lied. "I always have a huge orgy with them everyday and I got Andy Hurley pregnant." The bell rang. "Have a nice day," you said, smiling sarcastically at her and practically sprinting from the classroom.   

While you were walking down the hallway, you tried your hardest not to bust out laughing. The shocked look on her face was priceless. The only bad thing was that for the rest of the day, you noticed her running over to her little cronies and whispering things whenever you walked by. She probably just did it so the camera crew that followed you around would film her. You rolled your eyes and tried to ignore the anger that simmered within. People who were attention hogs sickened you.

* * *

Patrick was the only person in the car when he came to pick you up that day. "Joe busy again?" you asked as you climbed into the passenger's seat. You tossed your backpack over the seat and into the back like every day.

"Yeah. He's going to get us some Chinese Food for dinner. Pete's been saying death threats to him all day because he didn't get it for lunch, so he's getting it now just to make him shut up."

"Ah, sounds like a fun day in the Fall Out Boy hotel room," you said.

"Yeah, well, we've just been bored. You have no idea how hard it is to deal with being in such a small town compared to home."

"Sorry," you said. "I know it sucks. You only have, like, two more months left until the show's over though." _Only two more months? This is going by way too quickly._

"Pete's leaving in a few days to do an interview on TRL for us, and Andy's probably going to go too. They invited me, but I think I want to stay," he said.

You gave him a confused look. "What? I thought you just said you were bored of Mercer."

"Yeah... But I'll most likely be bored anywhere else. Besides, I'm not really one for being interviewed. I usually let Pete take the front man persona for me."

_He's such a moron. _You couldn't help but smile."Can I borrow your cell phone?" you asked, reaching into your pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. You had Sam write Alex's number down for you. _Why did she know it? Who knows._

"How did you know I had a cell phone?" he asked.

"Because every human on the planet has one but me."

"Huh..." He reached underneath the seat, pulling it out. "Good thing you reminded me about it because apparently my battery's almost dead."

"How long has it been in here?" you asked, rubbing off the strange smudges that were on its screen. You scrunched your nose in disgust.

"Good question. Let's just say I'm very forgetful." He pulled away from the school.

You punched in Alex's number, took a deep breath, and hit send. It rang for a few seconds, and you felt your heart pound in your chest.

"Hello?"

It was a female's voice. "Hi, is Alex there?" you asked, and Patrick looked over at you suddenly.

"Hold on a second.." You heard footsteps, a few murmured voices, then a soft rhythm of breathing.

"Hello?"

Your stomach leapt into your throat. "Uh, hey. It's me, Julie.

"Hey. What's going on?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Not much. I'm just on my way over to the hotel to practice and stuff. You know, the usual," you said. "Why weren't you at school today?"

"Slept in. And mom let me stay, thank God. I needed the extra sleep."

"I see," you said. Even his voice over the phone made you melt inside. _How pathetic am I?_

"So what do I owe the pleasure of this call for?" he asked once a few seconds went by of silence.

_This is it, Julie. Don't screw up_. You attempted to take a calming breath. It didn't work, so you just went for it. "I heard about the Snowball dance next Wednesday and... I wanted to know if you'd go with me?" Silence. _Deep breath, deep breath!_

"Hmmm..." he said. "The Snowball?"

"Yeah, it's next Wednesday. From six to eleven, I think."

"I'd really like to, Julie, but..." _Oh God. Not the 'but.'_ "... I don't usually go to those dances. The only reason I go to Homecoming and Prom is because my mom makes me."

"Oh, okay," you said. _God, I feel like such a dumbass now._

"Sorry. But look, I'll see you tomorrow?"

You bit your lip. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

You hung up, staring out the front window. _What the Hell was that? At least I asked though, right? Yes. And he said he didn't like to go to dances…I wouldn't want to force to go to something he hates. And he did say sorry. But still. And whose mom makes them go to dances? Ugh. Whatever. _You threw Patrick's phone back on the seat and slapped yourself on the forehead, receiving a puzzled look from Patrick.

"And what was that all about?" he asked.

"Oh, you know. Me being the biggest loser on the planet. Asking a guy out. Getting rejected," you stated bluntly, staring straight out the front window.

"Oh."

"You know what?" you said, pulling your legs up on the seat and facing him. "I thought he liked me! But I guess not. God!" you growled. "Why can't people come out and just tell people what they feel? It would make everything easier. And stop a lot less headaches."

You noticed his face go a bit pink and he just nodded, staring out the window like he was concentrating. He turned down a street... The wrong street. The hotel was the other way.

"Patrick?" He didn't look at you or say anything. "Patrick?" Still, nothing. "Patrick!" you yelled, and he finally looked over at you.

"Wh-what?"

"You turned the wrong way," you said.

"Oh.. Shit!"

He slowed down and pulled into a large parking lot outside of the local grocery store. You thought he was going to turn around, but instead he just found an empty spot and parked, turning the engine off.

"Aren't we going back to the hotel?" you asked as he turned in his seat to look at you. You noticed his hands shaking again. _What is _up_ with him?_

"Yeah, we'll go back, but first- I need to say something to you that I've been trying to say for a few days now."

"If it's about Sam, I already know you like her. I can talk to her and-"

"No!" he said, cutting you off.

You looked him in the eyes. _God, he looked so nervous_. "If you like her, you need to let her know."

"That's what I'm trying to do right now," he said. You looked at him, confused.

"What?" you asked.

He sighed, looked out the window, and put his shaking hands back on the steering wheel. "Julie, I don't like Sam."

"Oh."

"I like you." You stopped breathing. "Oh."

_What escapes me, what he has; a better kiss that never lasts_

You didn't know what to think. You just sat there, a sickening feeling crawling through your stomach. It wasn't a feeling of disgust, but it was a feeling of guilt. Your head buzzed and started to go numb. You leaned back against the headrest.

"Yeah," he said. "That's what I've been trying to tell you since the party. I know it's crazy. We've only known each other for about a month, but all I can think about is you. And I can't explain it."

_Me? Why me? I'm nothing special._

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable," he said after a moment, noticing the look on your face.

You shook your head and reached up, grabbing his right hand to make it stop shaking. "Patrick, it's alright."

He looked back at you. You looked up at him. And for the first time, you noticed how blue _his_ eyes were.

He forced a small grin as he studied your face. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to say that."

"You're four years older than me; you'd think it'd be the other way around," you said, smiling. You took your hands away and he took his off of the steering wheel, setting them on his lap. "Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

You leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek as he made a confused smile. "Go to the Snowball with me?"


	11. Chapter 11

**11: Let's Play This Game**

Patrick reached his hand up, rubbing the spot on his cheek that you kissed. "What about that guy?"

"Alex? Oh, he said he doesn't want to go. I don't know... I've liked him for a long time but I guess he doesn't care," you said, feeling a bit pathetic. "I've got this feeling like I should give up on him. We're not moving past friends anyway."

"No. I mean, from what I hear, he _must_ like you."

You gave a him a perplexed look. "How do you know?"

"Well, I talked to Sam and Courtney. They're your best friends, you know? And I wanted to get their advice, and they told me about him. And just for bringing him up, I feel stupid. I guess I shouldn't have said anything."

You shook your head. "No, I'm glad you told me. It's better when people say what they feel, no matter how stupid they think it sounds."

"But I don't think I should've said it. Julie, you really like this kid and he likes you."

"I don't know," you said. "You'd think he would've said yes if he did."

"Well from what he did to you at the party, I'd say he does like you."

_Shit. Sam and Courtney told him about that._"That? It was nothing. I didn't even know what the hell was happening," you reassured him. You could tell he was jealous.

"You've never been that close to a guy before, have you?" he asked. He looked slightly pained.

"Uhm.." You could feel your face turn red. _God, he must think I'm the most pathetic girl in the world. I'm seventeen and I _just now_ got my first kiss. Or was it a real first kiss?_

He smiled and shook his head. "No, I didn't think so."

"Patrick, I've never even had a boyfriend. You know that. I told you that the first day I met you, though I have no idea why," you said. "I just—I don't know... I'm starting to feel stupid now."

He stared at you for a second then sighed. Turning the keys, he started the engine and pulled out of the parking space. "I don't know what to say. I'm not making any sense."

"What d'you mean?" you asked. _This whole conversation's not making any sense._

"I mean, I'll go to the Snowball with you. I really want to, you have no idea how much. But I don't want you to go with me as just a second choice. I don't want to be that guy."

_Is that what I'm doing? Oh man. Do I even really like Patrick? Or do I just like him because he likes me? What the Hell is going on? What am I doing with these two boys? _Your head was spinning. Your emotions were scrambled. Everything was chaotic. You never thought your life would be so complicated.

He turned the opposite way, heading towards the hotel. "If you like this Alex kid then-"

"I do," you interrupted, making him look quickly at you. "But nothing's happening with him and I don't want to waste my time with him." _But I've liked him for seven years. Can I really just give him up for someone I've just met a month ago? Do I want to be that type of girl? The one who gives up for the easier choice because she knows it's a for sure option? _You found yourself suddenly imagining what it would be like to date Patrick. You imagined it wouldn't be too different from hanging out with him now, only with a bit more handholding…maybe a few kisses here and there. You tried imagining what it would be like to date Alex. Your mind came up blank. _Shit. Damn. Fuck. What the Hell am I trying to say?_

"Well what if he asks you out again? What would you do?" he asked, looking back at the road.

"I dunno, Patrick. What _should_ I do?" you asked. You watched him.

He nodded to himself after a second. "I think you should accept."

_What? What the hell kind of bullshit answer is that? _You shot him another puzzled look. "What d'you mean?"

"I mean I think you should go out with him if he asks you."

"Patrick, this doesn't make any fucking sense."

He laughed darkly. "I know, right?"

* * *

You walked into the hotel room; Patrick closed the door and stood behind you. The first thing you noticed when you entered was the massive drum set in the middle of the room, the beds pushed off to the side. Andy sat behind the set, twirling his drumsticks. Joe stood on the other side of the room, setting bags of food on the small coffee table. He just got back a few seconds before you. Then you saw Pete charging across the room towards you. He threw his arms around you, picking you up and twirling you around.

"Oh my God. Hi there, Pete! What the hell?"

"_We got effing Chinese!_" he yelled, setting you down and running over to do the same to Patrick who made an awkward face as Pete spun him around.

"Yeah, but you're not allowed to eat until after we practice," Joe reminded him, walking over to the group.

Pete looked at him, making a growling noise. "Fine then. Julie!" He picked up a guitar that was set against the wall, throwing it at you. "Get practicing! I'm fucking hungry!"

You held the guitar, looking at Joe. "What is all this?"

"I'm planning on making you learn a new song and then putting it together with a full band. I talked to some people at your school and I set up a date for a concert. You're going to play 'Saturday' and this new song in front of everyone. Everyone! Isn't that awesome?" He beamed at you.

You stood there with your mouth open, not knowing what to really say. _A _full_ audience? As in _everyone_?_ "When?" you finally said.

"Hopefully sometime in January since that's the last month of filming," he said. "But anyway, put that effing guitar on before Pete has a seizure."

"_Thank_ you!" Pete said, tapping his foot impatiently.

You threw the strap around yourself and hurried over to a mic stand that was in front of Andy's set. "Well what are we playing?" you asked, confused.

"We're just going to do 'Saturday' for now. I'll give you the music for the other song and you can take it home to work on," Joe said, grabbing his guitar. You noticed Patrick do the same with his, and Pete with his bass. Everyone positioned themselves; Pete to your left, Joe over to your right, and Patrick beside you. Apparently you had to share a microphone with him.

You played the song for a few hours. You sang all of the lead vocals, Patrick doing the backup ones. With all of the instruments put together, the song sounded amazing. Even though you messed up a few times, you still got an excited feeling whenever you played. It was like you knew that this was it. This whole show was exactly what you needed. Your fingers pressed the strings and the microphone was close to your lips with Patrick's nearby, spitting out the same words as you. It all fell into place. Deep down, you knew this was right.

* * *

You sat in Patrick's car as he drove you home, the warm air from his heater clashing against the cold winter air blowing outside, making the windows steam up. You reached up and drew a star on your passenger's window.

Patrick saw you doing this and smiled, then looked back at the road. He seemed like he was concentrating on something.

In your left hand, you held the music Joe gave you for the new song. It had the title 'Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy?' across the top with scribbled notes and chords following the lyrics underneath it. _Yeah, Joe. I can definitely read your shitty handwriting. Dipshit._

Patrick made a coughing noise, clearing his throat, and glanced at you quickly. "So take my advice tomorrow if he's at school."

"What are you talking about?" you asked.

"I mean, if that kid asks you out. Take my advice." His eyes were focused on the road ahead. You noticed his jaw clenched.

_Oh_. You could tell it was really hard for him to tell you that. _But why would he tell me to go out with him? Does he think that little of himself?_ He pulled into your driveway, stopping so you could get out. You reached behind into the backseat, grabbing your backpack. You knew this wasn't it, though. You couldn't leave with that being that last thing said.

"Julie?"

_Oh, thank God he said something._ "Yeah?" You looked up hopefully at him…but for what?

"Promise me something?"

"Yeah?"

"...never do that with him again. I you want to make sure the next guy you kiss cares about you as much as I do."

_As you wrap your car around that tree, your makeup looks so great next to his teeth._


	12. Chapter 12

12: Goodbye Waves and Driveways

"..so finish page 374, numbers fifteen through twenty five tonight. You can do the vocabulary in class tomorrow. Don't forget about the test on Thursday." _Aye, aye, Mr. Hannay. Even though I'm not going to do it because I could care less._ 

You sat in third period Biology, staring at the clock like it was your life support. There was only one minute to go until the bell would ring. Your eyes followed the second-hand as it made it's slow journey across the notches of numbers. _Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _The bell chimed and you practically flew out of your seat, charging towards the door. You held your books tightly against you as you made your way to your locker. With one more hallway left to go before the staircase, Courtney caught up to you.

"Yo! Speed demon! Wait up!" she commanded. You slowed down to a shorter walk. "God, what's your hurry today?" 

"I dunno.. I guess I'm excited to get to lunch," you said as you both reached the stairs, going down to the first floor.  

"So, how was practice yesterday?" she asked.  

"It was okay," you said. "We played 'Saturday' for the millionth time. Joe gave me the music for the new song."  

"What song is it?"  

"Grand Theft Autumn. I listened to it last night, and it sounds pretty awesome. It's supposed to be a duet between me and Patrick."  

She gasped, her eyes getting wide. "Oh my _God_! You're learning that song?"  

"I'm assuming you've heard of it?" you said, sarcastically.  

"That's my favorite song they've ever done," she said. "I make Pete sing it to me on the phone sometimes."  

_Pete? On the phone?_ "Speaking of him, are you guys together? Or what's going on there?" you asked her as you both made it downstairs, walking over to your lockers. She continued talking even though she was across the hallway. She liked talking about Pete loudly.  

"Well, we've been talking on the phone and internet like crazy. He's been saying how you need to bring me to practice and stuff because he wants to see me again."  

You threw your books into your own disastrous locker, closing the door as she did the same. "So you're not actually 'dating'?"  

"No, not yet," she said, joining beside you as you both started your way to the cafeteria for fourth period lunch. "But hopefully, if things go good, something might happen."  

"You do realize that he's going to be leaving in two months to go on tour, right?" you said. _Wow, that sounded bitchy of me. _

"Yeah, but a girl can have fun, right?"  

"True," you said, turning the corner in the hallway. _Do I tell her what Patrick told me yesterday? …Of course. She's my best friend and I really need some advice here._ "Courtney, guess what happened yesterday," you said seriously.  

"What?"  

"Okay, you know how I've told you about how Patrick has been acting weird lately?" She nodded, her forehead scrunched. "Well, he came to pick me up yesterday because Joe had to go get Chinese because your little Peter Panda was driving everyone crazy. Well, I used Patrick's cell phone to call Alex to see if he wanted to go with me next Wednesday to the dance. He said no, by the way. And then I felt stupid once we hung up and I threw the phone on the seat. Then I started ranting, and by the time I shut up I realized we were going the wrong way and we were down by that one grocery store. So he pulled into the parking lot and parked. He actually even turned off the car so he could turn and look at me as he spoke. He told me that he likes me…that he can't stop thinking about me."

"Aww!" she cooed, making some people turn around and give her a weird look. "That's awesome! I can date Pete and you can date Patrick and maybe—"  

"No, no," you said, cutting her off. "He says he wants me to date Alex."  

She gave you the same dumbfounded expression that you gave Patrick. "What? But…why?" 

"I don't know! The whole thing is complicated," you said. The two of you had finally reached the cafeteria and got in the back of the lunch line. The constant murmur of conversation was periodically broken by a shriek of laughter or someone calling out to a friend.

"What're we getting?" she asked, turning around to look at you. The line was at a complete standstill.

"I think it's spaghetti today," you said.   She looked up at you, smiling randomly. "What?"  

"Behind you," she whispered, pointing.   

You spun around, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. You spun around, right into Alex.  

"I'll let you stay in line with him. I think I'll get salad line since I hate spaghetti." She smiled again, walking away and leaving you with him. You felt your face go a little red. _God, he's so cute. And why am I so nervous? Now I know how Patrick felt.._

"Hey," he said. "How was practice yesterday?"  

_What is it with everyone asking me that?_ "Oh, it went great. You feeling better?" you asked.  

"Much better now. But I'm glad I got to see you. I wanted to ask you something," he said as you both progressed further in line.  

You smiled. "Shoot."  

"Well, I was wondering if I could pick you up after your practice was over? I could take you to Subway or something for dinner since I just got paid over the weekend."  

"Sure! We practice at the Howard Johnsons across from McDonalds."  

"Oh, okay. What time do you think?" he asked.  

"I'll have to be home at six, so I can probably con Joe into letting me leave around four thirty. Is that good?"  

"Perfect."    

You struggled to keep your girly excitement hidden, but inside you were freaking out. _I'm going out on a date with Alex Woods! After all these years…Am I dreaming? Is this really happening?_ You realized you weren't breathing and took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Your head cleared a little. A small voice crept into the back of your consciousness. _But what about Patrick?_ You argued back with yourself, _He told you to date Alex._ You hadn't fully convinced yourself as you remembered Patrick's expression when he told you to date Alex. But then you looked up at Alex who was now standing beside you. He flashed you his perfect smile and you dropped the argument with yourself.

* * *

Later that day, you sat on the floor in the hotel room with the boys. Joe only wanted you to sing the vocals a few times today instead of jumping into the guitar playing. He promised you'd work on that tomorrow. They had to remove the drums out of the hotel because they "disturbed the peace." You worked through the song's vocals a few times and then left it at that. Joe said he was feeling too lazy today to do much, then he used Courtney as an excuse, saying he didn't want to bore her on her first visit.

You were now sitting on the floor, Patrick lying down with his head on your lap; Andy was sitting in a chair reading aloud from the laptop that he had sitting on his lap; Joe was in the bathroom getting a shower; Courtney and Pete sitting on the bed playing an eager game of 'slap hands.'

"'...and they were killed from the fire.' What the hell? You'd think they would've gotten out of the house because of the alarms blaring. That kinda pisses me off," Andy said, scrolling down on the article he was reading. He always seemed so interested in what was going on in the world, which made him really fun to talk to. He had a wide range of knowledge about some really random things. And he always seemed to know what was going on in the world. The man was a walking newspaper.

"Well it was the middle of the night. I'd be snoring like hell and I probably wouldn't hear it," Patrick said, picking the lint on your pants. You toyed with a bit of his hair that was peeking out from under his hat.

"Yeah, but these were the new Grinnel alarms," Andy argued. "I dunno.. Pete! What d'you think?"

Pete, who was laughing insanely with Courtney, turned around suddenly, pretending to pay attention to the conversation. "Those bitches couldn't even wake a baby up. I think it's their own fault for installing the pieces of shit. They deserved to die."

Courtney punched him in the arm. "Harsh much?"

Patrick giggled. "Finally, someone else besides me to call Pete on his shit!"

Andy shook his head. "Ahh, the usual insensitive Pete. I love it."

_Crash!_Everyone looked at each other, trying to figure out where the crash came from. Then suddenly the bathroom door opened and Joe came out, a towel wrapped around him, laughing his head off. He stumbled into the room, leaning against the wall for support from cracking up. Everyone looked at him, confused.

"I just- oh my God- AHAHAHAHA!" He doubled over, holding his stomach.

"Umm, Joe?" you asked. "What the hell did you do?"

"Breathe, darling," Andy said.

"I just fucking slipped on the tile and smacked my head on the fucking toilet!"

You looked at his forehead. Sure enough, there was a huge red circle in the middle of his skin.

"You're a numbnut," Pete said matter-of-factly.

Andy set his computer down, walking into the bathroom to see if everything was still intact. All you heard was him yell, "Hey, Joe? Why is there a box of tampons on the floor?"

"They fell on me!"

And that was that. Everyone lost it. Pete fell off the bed, rolling around on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. You had no idea why it was so funny; it was one of those 'in the moment' sort of things. You wiped the tears of laughter that were forming in your eyes then looked over at the alarm clock. 4:27

"Oh damn," you mumbled, nudging Patrick. He sat up and you stood. He lay back on the floor. "I gotta go, Alex will be here soon."

Everyone whistled and teased you, except for Patrick. You looked down at him as he put his arms behind his head, forcing a smile.

"Have fun and try to keep your pants on," Pete said, slapping Courtney's hands when she wasn't looking, though the game had ended minutes ago. Her mouth fell open in mock anger and she slapped him back.

"Yeah, yeah," you said, heading towards the door.

"Julie!" Patrick yelled just as you were about to leave.

You turned around, looking at him. "What?"

"Call me once you get home."

You felt that same sickening feeling in your stomach again. "Sure," you said, grabbing your bag. You opened the door and headed into the hallway. The room was on the ground floor, so the lobby was just at the end of the hall. You walked straight for the doors, zipping up your hoodie and wrapping your scarf around you. The door jingled shut behind you.

Tiny flakes began to fall, some of the first of the year. Leaning your head back, you let the baby flakes fall on you. They kissed your lashes and lips, tickling your nose. They felt soft. It made you happy as you leveled your head again. You looked to your right and saw a silver car pull into the lot. You peered in the window to see Alex smiling cheerfully at you. You returned the smile with a wave, then ran over to the car. You pulled open the door, getting into the passenger's side, and slammed it behind you. Instead of throwing your bag in the back as you did when Patrick picked you up, you kept it sitting on your lap. He drove out of the parking lot.

"How was practice?"

"We didn't really do too much," you said. "We sang a few times then just sat around for a while."

He nodded. "I see. Dude, you have no idea how lucky you are that you know them and get to hang out with them. There's so many people at school that I've talked to that are jealous."

"Doesn't surprise me. I knew I'd get some teenage bullshit from this," you said.

He then pulled into the McDonalds' parking lot across the street, and you looked at him puzzled.

"Feel like a burger instead of Subway?" you asked.

He parked in a space that was way off to the side, almost near the woods. He then turned off the engine, turning towards you. "Nope. Not hungry. I had something else in mind today..."

_Love Will Tear Us Apart, Again._

He smiled mischievously, reaching over and grabbing your bag. He set it on the floor at your feet, then planted his hand on your knee.

_Patrick said not to do this..._

His fingers glided up your leg, reaching up to your thighs and eventually to your hips. He leaned his face towards yours as you sat there, paralyzed. When he smashed your lips with his, all you could envision was Patrick and the sad smile he forced before you left. You couldn't bare to think of what he would feel if he could see you now.

_But he said to kiss someone who cares about me; Alex does care about me._ _Right?_

You wanted to push him away; you knew you had to. But you didn't. You didn't stop him, which was the hardest thing for you to explain. The best reason you could think of was the fact that you got that familiar feeling he gave you when he touched your body. Eventually you gave in, throwing your arms around his neck as he slowly made his way on top of you. The windows started steaming up, and you knew it wasn't because of his car heater.


	13. Chapter 13

**13: You're Just The Girl All The Boys Want To Dance With**

"Alex," you mumbled when he moved his lips from yours to your neck.

"Mmmhmm?"

You sighed. You didn't want to ruin the moment, but you had to ask him. "What does this mean to you?"

He pulled away, looking up at you. "What d'you mean?"

"This whole thing," you said. "What happened at the party and what we're doing now. I need to know."

"Well, I find it fun, if that's what you mean," he said, staring at your neck hungrily.

You struggled to find the air to breathe in the steamy car. "No, I meant with this whole 'date' thing," you said.

He breathed heavily, putting his hands on your shoulders and looking you in the eyes. "Julie, I'll say this flat out. I don't think I should have a girlfriend right now. Nicole and I just broke up a few weeks ago and it would be insensitive of me to be with another girl in front of her right now. You know? But we can date and stuff. I'm still allowed to have fun," he said, winking. And before you could say anything else, he smothered you with his kiss once again. He reached down to the side of your seat, pulling the lever so it slid backwards. Now that you were lying back, he was fully on top of you. His hands glided up your sides, pulling your shirt up as he went. You could feel all of his weight on you, which increased the excitement, as did your breathing. He pulled your shirt over your head, leaving your upper-body only clothed by your bra. The heat became intense, though it was only twenty degrees outside, as his touch continued down your body. Obviously the shirt wasn't enough, since he was now working on unbuckling your belt.

"No.." you weakly protested, but he shushed you.

"You'll like this. Don't worry."

_This is wrong. So wrong. I can't say no to him….I love it,_ you thought as he pulled down your pants and started to massage your upper thigh. It was so hot and muggy in the car, you couldn't think straight, but you were aware of both your actions enough. Your hands gripped the door and the driver's seat, white-knuckled.

"Take me home, please." He ignored you as he started kissing your stomach working his way back up to your neck. "Stop," you whispered. You tried again, "Alex, stop." He looked up at you. "Not here…not now." You were unsure if you actually spoke the last words out loud. He got back into the driver's seat without speaking a word and turned the car back on. You put yourself back together and stared out the still foggy window as he drove.

_Your make-up looks so great next to his teeth._

Instead of taking you home, Alex convinced you to sneak into a movie at the crappy dollar theater. Instead of watching, however, you two sat in the very back corner making out. His hands were all over and you were surprised to find you kind of liked it. After he finally did drop you off, you walked into your house and closed the door quietly behind you. You tiptoed through the living room and into the kitchen, peering at the clock on the microwave. 8:57 _Shit_! You were so far beyond late. Your mom was going to kill you. _But where is she?_She was usually right there in your face as soon as you'd open the door, but she was nowhere in sight. You noticed most of the lights were turned off, which seemed unusual. That was when the note on the fridge caught your eye.

_Julie,_

_I know you had practice today, so I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Katelyn has a chorus recital at the school until who knows when, so I will be home shortly afterwards. If you get hungry, there's a box of oatmeal in the cupboard that needs to be eaten._

_Love you,_

_- Mom._

You could feel your stomach ache. Because you were so hungry, you really didn't care what you ate at that point. You had no time for eating since you and Alex were... Too busy.

Just as you opened the cupboard, the phone rang. You picked it up, looking at the caller ID. 724-555-9033. _Must be a cell number._ You hit the 'Talk' button, then put the receiver to your ear. "Hello?"

"Julie! I've been calling you since six! Did you just get home?" It was Courtney. "Yeah, long story. But what's up?"

"The guys are dropping me off right now, but Patrick wants to know if he can come over?" she said. _Shit. Should I let him?_ _What if he asks about what happened?_ _Oh well. I'll just lie._ "Yeah, sure."

She didn't press you for details, but she did say that she'd grill you for them the next day at school. After you guys hung up, you went to the bathroom to see what sort of state you were in. You had make-up smeared everywhere and your hair was a disaster._ Figures._ You decided to scrub your face and brush your hair. You picked up the nearest washcloth, wetting it, and then started scrubbing your face. You knew Patrick could figure out what happened if you didn't wash it off. After many minutes of scrubbing and scrubbing, you finally got all. But somehow it didn't seem like it was enough. You still felt guilty about breaking your promise to him, and that guilt burned like a scarlet letter.

_Ding dong. _You wiped your face dry and headed out of the bathroom and towards the front door. You could see Patrick through the window, his hands shoved in his pockets and his long hair streaming into his eyes from under his hat. For the first time, you noticed that he was indeed kind of cute. You found yourself smiling before you even reached the door.Once he saw you, Patrick returned your smile. "Come on in! I was just about to make dinner," you said, stepping aside as he entered. You closed the door behind him as he yanked his shoes off, setting them on the rug.

"Good because I'm hungry too," he said. "What're you making?"

"Oatmeal," you told him, walking into the kitchen as he followed you.

His face lit up. "I fucking love oatmeal!"

"Really? Do you know how many people tell me they hate the stuff?" you asked, getting out two bowls and putting water in them.

"Are you kidding me? Man, oatmeal is my life. When I'm at home, I make it like crazy."

You pulled two packets out of the box. "Is banana and brown sugar okay?"

He nodded. "My favorite."

As you poured the packets in and stirred, he took a seat on a stool in the middle island. He watched you with interest as you continued cooking, putting the bowls in the microwave.

"So how was the date? Do I have to beat him up?" he asked.

You licked your spoon, turning around and leaning on the counter. "Haha, no, it went fine. We just ate dinner and stuff."

"Oh, so that's why you're eating now," he said sarcastically.

You shook your head. "No, I didn't eat much. I wasn't very hungry then." _Wow, I'm good at lying._

"And I thought you were going to Subway? I saw him pull into McDonalds."

"Umm, he changed his mind." The microwave screeched, signaling that your food was done. You walked over, grabbed the bowls, then went back to the island. You sat down across from him, putting the food on the counter.

"Watch out, it's hot," you said as he took a spoonful, putting it in his mouth. He jumped in his seat, throwing the spoon down on the bowl.

"Ah! Damnit! I think I burnt my freaking tongue off," he exclaimed, fanning his mouth.

You giggled. "In all fairness, I did warn you."

"You're so mean. You're not even going to ask if I'm okay?" he asked.

You pretended to ponder then shook your head. "Nope. You seem fine to me."

"Oh do I?" he asked with a sly smile as you nodded. "Alright then.." He picked up his spoon, flinging it at you. The oatmeal slapped against your cheek, sliding down.

You jumped off of your stool, your mouth hanging open. "Whore!" you shouted, laughing. "You'll pay."

He giggled, standing up from his stool too and holding up his spoon as a shield. You dipped your hand in the bowl then flung it at him as it hit him in a range from his nose to his shoulder. Good thing he isn't wearing his glasses.

"You did _not_ just do that!"

You laughed. "Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure I just did!"

He dipped his own hand into his bowl of oatmeal and flung it at you. You ran over to the fridge, trying to duck but failing miserably as the oatmeal fell in your hair and all over your arms and shirt. You attacked again, throwing another handful as he ran over to you. He smeared a fistful all over your face and into your air. You went for his cheek clean cheek, but he ducked. The two of you went on like this until you were completely out and soaked head to toe in oatmeal, laughing as hard as possible.

"Here, I'll clean you," he said, walking over to you and holding out his sleeve even though it was also covered.

You sighed happily. "That was my first oatmeal war."

"Hope it was as good for you as it was for me." He wiped your cheek, smiling brightly. He then pulled his sleeve back so his hand was exposed and he rubbed the tops of his fingers against your skin, making your cheek warm from his touch. It felt a little different from Alex. His touch always felt eager and rough. No, Patrick's felt warm and soft. You looked up at him as he stared into your eyes. You leaned forward a bit, urging him to kiss you. He hesitated for a second then leaned forward as well. You swore you could hear their song 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me' playing in your head. It was just the chorus where Patrick sang 'Kiss her, kiss her...'

He stopped before your mouths touched. "I gotta go," he whispered, his breath against your lips.

You felt your stomach sink.

_I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late._

_And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances._


	14. Chapter 14

**14: Something Short and Sweet**

The next morning, you sat downstairs in your kitchen with a hot cup of coffee in your cold hands. You picked up the creamer, pouring it in with the sugar that you'd already added, then stirred it with your spoon. As you took a small sip, your mom came running down the staircase, her hair soaking wet and a towel wrapped around her. You cringed.  

"Mom! Nobody wants to see that. Go put some clothes on," you said.   She laughed, teasingly rubbing her butt on you. "Come on, show your mom some lovin'."  

"Mom!" You took a few steps away, cupping your coffee in your hands so you wouldn't spill it.  

"Why are you up so early?" she asked, walking over to the fridge to get out the bag of bagels.  

"I'm waiting for Courtney to come pick me up. I wanted her to drive me today since you said you wouldn't have time." Like she so often does, your mom came into your room late at night last night to tell you about her day. She rambled on and on about how stressful things were at work, going into detail about some meeting she had. Last night just before she left your room, she told you that she wouldn't be able to drive you to school in the morning. She went into a long story just to say that she had another series of meetings that started an hour earlier than normal.

"I don't see why you don't have your license yet, Julie. You have your permit right now and you can easily go down and get a license." She popped her bagel into the toaster.  

You took a larger sip of your cooled coffee. _I guess I never thought about that. I did get my permit about seven months ago and I already sat through the driver's ed class they made me take. And I already have a car since my mom'll let me use her old one. Why haven't I scheduled a test yet? _"Because I'm too lazy," you concluded aloud.

"Tell me you'll think about it, though, because I don't want that car to go to waste," she said just as Courtney pulled in the driveway.  

You gulped down the last half of your coffee and set in on the counter next to the sink. "Oh! Don't forget, we have to go shopping soon for my dress. I need before Wednesday for the Snowball Dance." You knew you'd have to remind your mom again about that later, but it never hurt to say it now. "Maybe we could go later this evening?"

"Alright, I'll think about it," she said as you headed out the door. "Have a good day!"  

"Yeah." You left, running over to Courtney's car while trying to dodge the large snowflakes falling in your hair. You got in, closing the door and throwing your bag down. "Freaking A, it's cold!" you said, huddling next to the heater and shivering.  

She laughed at you, flipped the car in reverse and headed out of your driveway. "You're lucky I'm picking you up even though you live two blocks away," she said, turning the car around and facing down the street.   

"You can't help it because you love me," you said, rubbing your hands together and sitting back.  

"Consider yourself lucky.." She turned down the street, the school coming into view. Courtney usually liked to get to school early because there wasn't any traffic.  

"My mom rubbed her butt on me," you said randomly.  

"Nice. I bet you liked it," she said. "And speaking of which, Patrick told Pete who told me about last night."  

You looked at her, raising your eyebrow. "How is that a speaking of which?"  

She shrugged. "Because it reminded me about that. By the way, you're a slut," she said, matter-of-factly.   

"What? How am I a slut?" you asked, offended.  

"Because you're trying to get action from two different guys. First you're doing naughty things with Alex and now you're trying to kiss Patrick."  

"First of all, he leaned in first!" you argued. "And how do you know about what I do with Alex?"  

She rolled her eyes. "I'm your best friend, dipshit. You'd think I'd know these things." She pulled into the parking lot, swinging around to the area for student parking. She found her usual spot and turned off the car.   

"By the way, you're taking me to get my license this weekend," you decided out loud. 

"Okay," she said. "But it'll have to be on Sunday because Pete and I are doing stuff Saturday." You sighed. Couples made you want to puke. And they made you feel bad about yourself. In a way, you were kind of jealous. Out of nowhere comes all this boy drama for you. Now you're stuck trying to figure out which boy is worth your time; who do you like more? Your head and your heart were locked in a raging battle against each other (secretly, you hoped your heart would win out). Meanwhile, Courtney gets the boy of her dreams with now problems at all. You sighed. You'd just have to remember to say 'bunny bunny' the morning after the dance. Maybe that'll bring you some luck.   

* * *

That morning in school, you were walking down the hallway and saw Alex. You waved to him, trying to get his attention so you could at least say hello. You were almost one hundred percent positive that he saw you from the corner of his eye, but he didn't respond. He just walked away in the other direction. _What the Hell?_ You knew he was just probably being stupid and didn't realize it was you, but you were still upset by this. When the entire day went by and he hadn't even acknowledged you in class, you knew something was up.

_This wasn't what you wanted, was it? Cause all we know is falling, it falls._


	15. Chapter 15

**15: I'm in the Business of Misery**

As the week went on, you learned the chords for Grand Theft Autumn. On Thursday, you went on another "date" with Alex. Again, Patrick gave you a forced smile as you left, and again you couldn't tell him what happened. You felt guilty for the entire situation, but the one thing you could say for yourself is that you still had your virginity. At least you were strong enough to not let yourself go that far. During your practices, you noticed that Pete and Courtney were getting rapidly closer. You weren't sure about Pete, but you knew this was uncharacteristic of Courtney. You had never seen her so head over heels for a boy. You'd also never seen her so happy. Even at school she never stopped smiling. You were seeing her as a new person, and to be honest, you liked this new Courtney a little better than the gloomy pessimistic one.

Soon it was the weekend. It brought with it your driver's test. 

You had called in on Tuesday to set the date for 27th, which was Sunday. Today…You sat in the waiting room of the PDVS, (Pennsylvania Driver & Vehicle Services), with Courtney. She flipped through a glossy magazine. You were too nervous to focus on anything, so you just sat in the abused chair. Your leg bounced rapidly, trying to consume all your nervous energy, but the butterflies were still fluttering around your stomach.

"Ridgway?" the plump secretary asked from her desk. You stood up and walked over to her, smiling apprehensively. She didn't look at you, but instead rustled through a few papers diligently. She slid one across the counter that separated you from her desk. "I need you to fill this out, then head into that room over there," she said, pointing down the hallway to your right. You nodded, taking a pen from a mug that sat on the counter, and started filling out the form.  

NAME: Ridgway, Julie Marie  
DATE OF BIRTH: May 26, 1988.    
HEIGHT: 5'4"    
WEIGHT: 115  

You sighed. _I don't see why they need all of this, I just want to drive a freaking car. It's that simple._ 

Once you finished, you put the pen back and continued to follow the directions and walked into the room the secretary pointed to. Or at least, the room you hoped she pointed to. You cautiously opened the door. _Thank goodness it's an office…I thought maybe it would be a bathroom or something. _You rolled your eyes at yourself. _That's retarded. If it were, there would have been a sign. You're so stupid, Julie._ You sat in the chair closest to you in front of a desk. Behind the desk sat an older man, probably in his late forties, who was typing away frantically on his computer. You peered around the room, noticing the bland white walls and the rows of filing cabinets.   

_Blah_. _If this were my office, I'd probably puke due to the very clinical feeling of everything. I wonder why he doesn't have any photos of his family or something._

He finally noticed you, and he swiveled around in his chair, coming to the other part of his desk. "Hello, I'm Mr. Howard," he said, holding out his hand. You reached up and shook it. _Stupid businessmen and their strong grips._ "I will be giving you your driver's test. Now, you've already been through the physical check, am I correct?" You nodded. "Alright, well let me have your form. And also your information form you've filled out," he said as you handed him the papers you had. He read through them quickly, then set them in the nearest filing cabinet. You let loose a silent nervous sigh. You just wanted to get this over with so you could finally go home. "Alright, follow me please," he said, standing up and throwing on his coat that he had resting on the back of his chair. He grabbed a clipboard, then headed out of the room as you followed him. He continued down the hallway until you reached the end where there was an exit door. You followed him into a large garage that you never noticed before. There were rows and rows of cars, ranging from every color, with stickers on the sides that read 'Student Driving, PDVS' in bold lettering.  

"We'll go with this one," he said, walking over to the nearest car. He got into the passenger's side as you got into the driver's.   

And that was that.   

From there on for the next hour, you drove him around town while doing everything he asked; parallel parking, reading all of the street signs and telling him what they meant, etc. He'd continue scribbling things down on his clipboard, which made your anxiety increase greatly. But then you were finally done. You hadn't even realized the hour had gone by. You finally did it. You finished your driver's test. You drove back to the garage, parked, and followed him back inside. You felt that you had done fairly well. He took you into a room where a camera was set up, facing a large blank wall. _Yes!_ It was time to take your photo for the license. You smiled before he even pressed the button. There was a blinding flash. You signed your name on an electronic pad, and in no time, you held your first license in your hands. When it was all finally over, you thanked him; he was your new best friend. You practically ran from the room back to the waiting area where Courtney sat. She jumped up when she saw you and squealed. You held out the newly printed plastic card and you both jumped in place.

She took your license from you for a closer look. "Damn! Have I mentioned how much I hate you? You're so freaking photogenic!"

You picked up her coat, throwing it at her. "Put it on. I wanna drive back."  

"Okay, okay," she said, shrugging on her coat. You walked out the door, one after the other, and raced to her car. Courtney tossed you her keys and you unlocked the doors. You both slammed your door shut at the same time and you started the car, pulling on your seatbelt.

 "Are we going back to your house?" she asked as you pulled out of the lot, heading towards the heart of town.  

"Nope. We're gonna go get the boys."    

You and Courtney raided the boys' hotel room, yelling at them to get of their lazy butts so you could get some pizza. At the mention of food, they gladly let you kidnap them. You drove them all to Pizza Joe's, your local pizza shop, and you all sat at a large table in the back. Joe, Andy, and Patrick on one side, you, Courtney, and Pete on the other. Patrick had just come back to the table from ordering, and he sat down across from you.

"You've better of ordered the extra _extra_ cheese, you mofo," Pete mumbled from his chair in the corner.

"I did, I did, don't worry. I know you'd kill me if I didn't," Patrick said, pouring himself a cup of Dr. Pepper from the two-liter you all bought at the front counter.

"Those are some nice pants," Joe said, randomly, to Patrick.

He gave him a weird look. "Um, thanks."

"No, really. Those are nice. I think they're mine."

"I doubt I could fit into your pants," Patrick said, taking a sip of his pop.

"Actually," Andy said, "I think I'm wearing your pants, Joe."

Joe gasped sarcastically. "You bitch."

"Well you leave your pants on the floor everywhere, so someone's bound to take them," Patrick said.

"Someone switch me pants!" Pete yelled, standing up and unzipping his. Courtney punched him in the arm. You just stared at all of them in awe, wondering how their mother's put up with them.

Pete pulled his pants down, standing in his plaid boxers, throwing them at Joe. "Switch me!"

"Alright," Joe said, standing up and doing the same, throwing his pants at Pete. They put each other's pants on then sat back down.

"How the fuck do you wear these?" Joe asked, pulling at the crotch of Pete's pants. "These are stupid fucking girl pants, you loser."

"That's why I switched you," Pete said, smiling contently.

You laughed at Joe as he glared at Pete. Oh how you loved these guys. They're like your family.

"So. We found out today that Julie takes amazing photos," Courtney said once the boys calmed down.

"Lemme see," Patrick said, holding his hand out.

"It's not really all that great," you said reaching into your pocket to get your license out. You handed it to him and he stared at it.

"I like it," he said, passing it around the table for everyone else to see.

"So what kind of car are you getting?" Andy asked as he took his turn to look at it.

"Well, I'm getting my mom's old Ford Explorer," you said.

Pete jumped in his seat. "Holy shit, you're lucky. My first vehicle was a fucking Toyota truck."

"Oh, I remember that thing!" Joe exclaimed. "You have to smack it repeatedly to get it to start."

Andy giggled. "That's what your mom said last night."

The waitress walked over, setting two nine-cut pizzas at your table. She then handed you a stack of plates, then quickly walked away. You were used to people acting this way. After all, these guys were a bit intimidating.

"Hold on, I gotta go call my mom really quickly so she knows what's going on," you said, standing from the table. Patrick stood with you.

"You can use my phone," he said, getting it out of his pocket and handing it to you.

"I'll have to go beside the doors for a signal," you said.

He nodded. "I'll go with you."

You both walked from the table and over a short distance towards the door. You huddled against the window, Patrick standing right beside you while blocking you from everyone else. You dialed your house phone, waiting patiently as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Mom! Hey, I'm out at Pizza Joe's right now with everybody."

"So how did it go?" she asked.

"Pretty well. I passed. I have my license. I can drive. You can no longer pester me about it," you said, jokingly.

"That's great! Now you can drive yourself to school," she said. "Okay. Now I wanted to tell you that you can't go to practice tomorrow because I'm taking you shopping for your dress."

"Awesome, okay. Um, do you want me to pick you up at work?" you asked.

"Yeah, as soon as school's over, come and pick me up. We'll go to Penny's."

_Ahh, mom and her JC Penny's addiction._

_Oh well._

"Alright, sounds good."

"And what's Alex going to wear?" she asked.

_Ugh_. "Mom, I told you I'm not going with him. I'm going with Patrick."

"Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, I forgot. Well make sure you know what Patrick's wearing."

"Alright, I will," you said. "I gotta go."

"Okay. Bye, honey."

"Bye," you said, closing the phone. You handed back it to Patrick.

He could tell what was wrong the moment you looked up at him.

"It's that kid, isn't it?" he asked.

You nodded. "I just don't understand what's going on. When we're at school he doesn't even talk to me anymore, but when we go out, he's completely different- he's all over me—" _Shit. I've said too much._

Patrick's face went a little pink, but he still looked at you sympathetically. "Julie, I know you haven't been completely truthful about your little dates, or whatever, with him and that's fine. It's your life. But I can't give you any advice if you don't tell me what's going on."

You sighed and looked out the window. You watched a car turn left out of the parking lot across the street. The window began to fog over with the heat of your breath. _How could I possibly tell him what's been going on?_

"Has it gone further than kissing?" he asked when you didn't answer.

You drew little lines in the fog with your pinky. "I didn't—I didn't have sex with him, if that's what you mean," you finally answered. There was a tense silence and you forced yourself to look at Patrick.

He stared at you, his expression unwavering and his eyes burning into you. You wanted to look away, but you couldn't. "That's not what I asked." You bit your bottom lip, then reluctantly nodded.

"I see," he said. "Well.."

"I'm sorry, I just let things get out of hand. I've tried listening to what you said, but it still happened. It doesn't even feel like I have control over it," you rushed to explain.

He breathed heavily. "I don't know what to say." He didn't seem angry, but his disappointment hurt worse. You almost wanted him to scream at you, to make a scene. You could deal with anger a little better than disappointment. It's more difficult to reverse disappointment. Patrick looked down at his feet and you looked away. You hated yourself for everything…for opening your fat mouth…for letting things go too far…

…For hurting Patrick.

He looked up and saw how upset you were. He stepped closer, only inches from you, and pulled you into a tight hug. You slid your own arms around his waist and buried your face in his shoulder. He whispered in your ear in a singsong voice, "I hope he is a gentleman."

_Maybe he won't find out what I know- you were the last good thing about this part of town_


	16. Chapter 16

**16: Every Line is Plotted and Designed**

School finally reached an end on Monday and you eagerly went to pick your mom up from her work. You pulled into the mall parking lot and skipped into the building. Your mom herded you into JCPenny's and into the dress section. She piled dress after dress into your arms. She didn't even give you a chance to pick out the dresses for yourself, but you didn't really mind. Your thoughts were currently running off elsewhere. You found yourself suddenly hit with curiosity. You wondered what _he_ was thinking about; what _he_ was doing.

You hadn't talked to Alex since your last date a few days ago. He hardly even talked to you anymore, including on the dates. But you were so elated to be going out with him at all. It was hard to admit, but things were changing so quickly without your consent. You were starting to feel dazed. Thing were spinning out of your control and you began to wonder if you had ever really had _any_ control at all. You felt like you were thrust onto a giant merry-go-round and it only kept sinning faster and faster. Now everything seemed to pass by in a whirl of colors and sounds. Only Alex seemed to be in focus. If only you could press the pause button.

You forced yourself out of your mind long enough to try on the dresses. _She's actually got some really cute dresses in here,_ you thought, amazed at your mom's fashion sense. You were stuck in the dressing rooms for nearly an hour, jamming dresses over your head, battling zippers, and struggling with confusing straps. It was a warzone. Carnage littered the floors as you tossed dresses over the door to your mom for her to hang up again. The return rack was overflowing with frills and sparkles. You finally reached the last dress in the pile. It was a satin black dress. The neckline kind of gathered at the front, turning into thin straps that formed a large X over your exposed back. It flowed over your small curves to the floor, almost like liquid over your frame. You imagined your hair fixed differently (as it was now a frizzy disaster) and fell in love with it. You knew every other girl at the dance would have a fluffy, bright colored gown with sparkles and things everywhere, and you just wanted something simple. It was perfect. Even your mom couldn't object.

You told your mom that Patrick said he'd wear the suit he wore to the VMA's, which consisted of a pinstripe black shirt and white pants. His hat, though, would be another story. He had hundreds of hats, you were sure, and you had no idea which one he'd surprise you with this time. This kind of made you nervous, but excited at the same time. Then you remembered the first day you both met when the car broke down. You remembered your promise to him and were struck with an idea. You changed back into your own clothes, handed the dress to your mom, and then rushed off in search of the perfect hat for Patrick. This meant you had the venture into the guys clothing section. You thought this would make you feel awkward, or at least you'd receive awkward glances, but it didn't. You found the wall of hats and found the perfect one almost immediately. It was a black Houndstooth hat with green paint blotches. You knew he'd love it. You were so excited that you had to give it to him later that night.

You knocked on the hotel room door. Patrick answered it in seconds. "Hey! I though you were busy." He stepped aside and you stepped in, leaning against the wall next to the door so he wouldn't see your gift. He let the door close and gave you a confused look.

"I was. But I won the battle against the dresses."

"Yeah, I was wondering what happened to you." He gestured to your messy hair. You attempted to smooth it out. "So what's behind your back?"

You smiled mischievously. "Close your eyes."

He narrowed his eyes at you. "Am I sure I want to trust you?"

You laughed. "Don't be such a baby. Close your eyes." He did so reluctantly. "No peeking," you scolded, certain that he'd try.

He giggled. "Okay. I'll be a good boy."

"You better." You stepped closer to him, your toes almost touching as you placed the new hat on top of the brown Fender one he was already wearing. You saw his mouth break into a smile, knowing what it was. You stepped back. "There!" You burst out laughing.

He opened his eyes and immediately took off his new hat to inspect it. He beamed. "I love it! I was starting to wonder if you'd forgotten."

You put your hand on your hip. "Now how could I forget about your hat? That'd be horribly mean!"

He pulled you into a hug. "Thank you, Julie!"

* * *

Wednesday morning arrived. There was no school, and you were stoked to be able to sleep in. You were in the middle of a very pleasant dream when the doorbell rang. Your eyes popped open as you heard your mom open the door.

"Is she still in bed?" It was Courtney and Sam.

You sighed then stretched, yawning loudly. You got out of bed and slipped your penguin-head slippers on your icy feet. When you came running down the stairs, the first thing you noticed was the huge box that Courtney had in her hand.

"You didn't have to bring _all_ of your makeup," you said, reaching the living room. "I do have some of my own, you know."

"Yes, but you never come empty-handed," she said, setting it down on the floor just as Sam laid their dresses down on the arm of the couch.

"You guys hungry?" you asked, walking towards the kitchen as they followed you.

"We already ate," Sam said, taking a seat on a stool in the middle island.

You opened a cupboard, getting a mug out and setting it on the counter. "What time did you guys get up?"

"Around nine," Courtney said as she leaned against the fridge. "Pete called and said they'd come pick us up at five so we can get there early. And when I asked him what car they were taking, he only giggled at me. We should probably be scared."

"Watch them come in a beat-up station wagon or something," Sam said.

You poured yourself some coffee, putting sugar and creamer in it. "They better not or else I'll punch each and every one of them in the teeth," you said, taking a sip. "Is Brandon coming with the guys?" you asked Sam. Brandon was her recent crush. He was also a senior. He'd asked he to the dance one day after school, saying that he'd noticed her in their art class. Sam had been very quiet since he asked her, but you'd also noticed that she hadn't stopped smiling.

"Yeah, he's going over to the hotel and coming with the other boys," she said.

You nodded, taking another sip and setting your cup down. "Let's go get ready, then, I guess."

From that moment on, the three of you were running in and out of the bathroom, shoving curling irons in your hair, pounding on cover-up, and pushing each other away from the mirror. After a few long hours of constant tossing of bobby pins and 'Does look alright?', you were finally ready for the dance. Courtney looked amazing with her dark-purple satin dress, curled hair, and purple eye shadow to compliment. Sam looked great, too, with her pinned up hair, emerald-green halter dress, and light makeup. Her eye shadow shimmered white in the light under her eyebrow. And you? Your hair was straight, not a hair out of place, with a green pin holding the right side above your ear. Your eye shadow started out white at the inner corner of your eyes, fading to grey then black at the other corner. You had chosen small grey flats with black ribbons tying up your leg. Once you were in your dress, you felt stunning.

_Ding dong._

You felt your heart leap. You were so excited you thought you might burst. You opened the front door to see Joe, standing there in a black suite with a white tie, smiling at you.

"Come, maladies," he said, grabbing your hand and pulling you outside. There was at least an inch of snow lying on the ground and the air was chilly, biting against your exposed arms. The three of you ran down the driveway with Joe, who stopped suddenly beside your mailbox. There wasn't a car in sight.

"Um, Joe? Where's everyone else?" you asked, looking around.

He only smiled deviously at you, staring to the left down the street. You did the same, peering down the road. _He's on crack._

"Joe, it's fucking cold," Sam said, appearing beside you with Courtney shortly after. "Where the hell are they?"

He put his pointer finger to his lips, shushing you. "Just wait."

Courtney wrapped her arms around herself, shivering. "I'm about to rip his smile off his face."

About a minute later, you heard something just beyond your view. Then you saw them coming around the corner. Instead of renting a limo or driving even in normal cars, two golf carts came squealing around the corner. You laughed as they pulled up to the curb. Pete was driving one with Patrick on the back, while Andy drove the other with Sam's date riding on the back. You could see there were just enough spots for everyone between the two carts with the black Clandestine bat symbol plastered to the sides.

Pete leapt from the driver's seat, wearing a white suite with the same bat symbol on the back, a black shirt underneath. You raised your eyebrow at him. "Golf carts? Are you kidding me? These things go like, ten miles an hour!"

Pete still beamed. "Not these babies! These beauties are fully equipped with turbo boosters! They now reach the life-threatening speed of twenty-_five _miles an hour!" You laughed at him and climbed on the back next to Patrick. Courtney got in next to Pete, Sam next to Brandon (who looked like he didn't know what to do with himself), and Joe next to Andy. Both carts' engines started up again and you all slowly headed to the school, eventually reaching your top speed.

"So how much money did he waste to do this?" you asked Patrick, pointing to Pete.

"He somehow got the carts for free, but we had to pay to add the turbo boosters. I wasn't there when he did that, so I'm not sure how much that cost. The decals are really just stickers, so those were next to nothing."

Up front, Pete started singing, shouting really, a made up song about golf carts. You shook your head, smiling. _I feel bad for Courtney. He's her problem._

"So girls," Pete yelled as the wind picked up a bit, "you're staying at the hotel tonight. We got you guys another room, don't worry. But we're too lazy to take you home tonight."

"Yeah, my mom'll definitely go for that," you said.

"Just tell her you're staying at my house," Courtney shouted back to you. "And I'll say I'm at you're house. They'll fall for it. They're dumb."

You nodded, cuddling your arms. Courtney and Sam were smart enough to wear coats, so you were the only one freezing your ass off at that point. You glanced at Patrick who gave you a concerned look. He pulled off his black suit jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders. You thanked him, pulling it tighter around you. He always seemed to know what you were thinking. _He's such a damn gentleman._

You burrowed deeper into his warmth that lingered in the jacket.

The moment you stepped foot in the cafeteria, everyone started screaming and yelling. You knew why, and you were used to it. Yes, this was Fall Out Boy, and everywhere you went with them there would follow a pack of fans just dying to get an autograph or a picture. _Figures_. But the fuss died down after a little while as you made your way into the dark, music filled room. Everyone you grew up with, everyone who always doubted you, now stood off to the side as the spotlight shined on you for the first time in your life. Revenge was sweet. You used to be the bland girl off to the side that no one paid attention to and now you were the beautiful one that your classmates were jealous of. You were the girl all of the other girls wanted to be.

_You're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with._

"Food!" Joe yelled, running over to the long table that was off against the wall. It was filled with cookies, brownies, chips, and all of the other typical party munchies.

"Just make sure he doesn't do anything to the punch," you said, watching Joe run around and filling his plate, oblivious to the pack of girls following behind him.

"You're giving me ideas," Pete said as his face lit up.

Courtney laughed. "Don't worry, I'll keep him tame."

"I'll go get the brownie boy," Andy said, walking over to get Joe who was stuffing his face with chocolate.

You turned around, facing the corner where the DJ was set up with his equipment. You noticed one of the camera guys filming the lights and such. _He's such a moron, filming the most pointless things._ But you knew the other cameramen were around somewhere, filming from behind some of the large groups of people. Nothing could ruin that night for you. Nothing.

The song ended as the next one started up, which just so happened to be Kanye West's latest song 'Golddigger.' Pete's face lit up, and he grabbed Courtney's hand.

"THIS IS MUH BOI!" he yelled, freaking out and busting into a dance. Courtney stood there for a second, looking at him like he was crazy, but then joined in as she danced with him. All of the other girls looked at her, jealousy gleaming in their hungry eyes. Usually the fan girls went for Pete, but now that he had a girlfriend, they had to stand back. He was Courtney's and they couldn't do anything about it.

Sam and Brandon were also dancing (or were they seizing to the beat? Is there much of a difference? Other than one's considered fun…), and Andy and Joe soon followed, walking over with plates full of cookies in their hands. You smiled, looking at your group of friends, wondering if you'll all ever be this happy together again. Tonight was something to savor since these boys wouldn't be here in two months once filming stopped. Once the show was over, your life had to go back to being mundane and normal and they had to continue on with theirs, leaving for tour. You knew you had to soak up every crazy moment with these boys. You knew these were moments you'd never be able to have again and you wanted to make them last. This was your night, it was everyone's night, and you had to live it to the fullest.

You looked up at Patrick who'd been watching you for a few minutes. He looked a bit mesmerized, but then quickly blinked and smiled at you.

"Guys, put the coats away for us," Joe yelled at the two of you as he, Andy, Brandon, and Pete threw their jackets at you. Patrick took them in his arm and grabbed your hand.

"Here, the closet's over there," he said, pointing to a doorway on the other side of the cafeteria. He pulled you between the groups of people, making your way to the closet. Everyone you passed either smiled at you or gave you a rude look. Which ever it was, it didn't matter to you. You were there with a group of people who cared about you, and that's all that _mattered._

Once you reached the closet, Patrick started hanging everyone's coats up. You reached around your shoulders, pulling off his coat that you still had wrapped around you. You hung it up too just as he finished.

"Your dress is amazing," he said, smiling at you. You shivered a bit, a strange but nice feeling overcoming you. It was weird, though, because all Patrick had to do was look at you and you got that feeling. You liked it.

"Aww, thanks. I like your hat," you joked. He smiled, pulling his new hat down further as his long hair fell around his eyes. The song continued outside with the party, and you stared up at him.

"Let's dance," you said, grabbing his hand this time and dragging him out of the closet. He laughed, staring at your back from your backless dress as you took him over to the edge of the mob in the center of the dance flor. Everyone was dancing and shaking their butts, including Pete who was getting a little _too_ into it. Instead of being shy and just standing there, you grabbed Patrick's large hands and wrapped his arms around you as you placed your back on his chest, moving both of your bodies to the sound of the music.

"Get down girl, go head, get down,

get down girl, go head, get down."

Everyone clumped together in a big group while you, Courtney, and Sam twisted your way down to the ground. Joe did the same, pretending he was a girl.

"Get down girl, go head, get down,

get down girl, go head, get down."

You danced your way back up, smiling and laughing at Joe who was now trying to do a booty shake. Pete joined him, failing miserably.

"Yeah, we got some Shakira's in here!" the DJ yelled into his microphone. Everyone turned around to look at them, laughing. A few random guys came up and joined them, as did Brandon. You looked up at Patrick, who was giggling madly.

Hours passed by as you all danced like there was no tomorrow, joking around and just having fun together. You laughed at a few girls whose feet hurt so badly to the point where they had to take their shoes off and throw them against the wall. Good thing you chose your flats that morning.

"Alright, I'd like everyone to give themselves a round of applause," the DJ said as the last song that was playing faded out. Everyone busted out clapping. "Now, since we have our special guests here tonight, I'd like to play a few songs dedicated to them. Everyone knows who they are." Everyone started clapping again, looking over at your group. The biggest smile played across your face. "So let's let Fall Out Boy and MTV know that they're welcome here at Mercer anytime!"

Everyone cheered as the popped the next song in. After a few seconds of anticipation, it started playing. The sound of a bass and drums filled the room, and you knew exactly what song it was once it started playing. It was their latest single.

You looked up at Patrick, giving him an evil grin. He raised his eyebrow, grinning also, as you grabbed his hands again, placing them on your hips. You bit your bottom lip as you began to slowly dance.

"She says she no good with words, but I'm worse."

You began mouthing the lyrics as your eyes stayed glued with his.

"Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue.

Weighed down with words too overdramatic.

Tonight is 'it can't get much worse'

Verses no one should ever feel like "

Everyone busted out dancing, jumping up and down and screaming the words. You felt your heart pump in your chest.

"I'm two quarters and a heart down,

And I don't wanna forget how your voice sounds.

These words are all I have, so I'll write them.

So you need them just to get by."

Not only did you feel so alive at this point, but you couldn't even imagine how Patrick felt. He's at a dance in some high school, his band's song playing in the background, and the girl he melts for in his hands. You could tell that he was enjoying himself, which made it ten times more worth it for you. You were so glad you asked him to be your date.

Throughout the song, everyone danced, jumped, and sang like crazy, pouring themselves onto the dance floor. Every clique, every group, and every person came together. It didn't matter who you were at that point; all that mattered was the music. Everyone was dancing with everyone. It was amazing.

Eventually, the end of the song came. It was the part of the music video where Pete did his little dance. At this point, everyone formed in rows, facing the same wall. It was like everything was choreographed right then.

Pete's bass played and Andy's drums filled the room again, followed by Patrick's voice. And everyone did the same dance from the end of the video. You didn't know how everyone knew it Heck, you didn't know how _you_ even knew it, but everyone did it at the same time. Every move was perfect.

"Holy shit, look around," Pete yelled, freaking out. "This is fucking SWEET!"

"Dance, dance.

Dance, dance.

Dance, dance.

Dance, dance."

The song ended, and everyone clapped, looking over at you. Pete started to bow, but Courtney punched him in the arm and he quickly stopped. Looking around at them, you could tell this night meant a lot to the band. You were so glad that the day that Joe introduced himself while walking through the door of your math class, it wasn't anyone else. You were so glad you had the chance to meet these four.

The next song quickly started and you recognized it right away; 'Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends.' This time, Patrick grabbed you, wrapping his arms around your small waist. You smiled, placing yours around his warm neck and pulling him close. Even though this was an upbeat song, you still danced slowly, rocking back and forth. You were in the very center of the room, people dancing all around you as you moved slowly.

"You are a getaway car - a rush of blood to the head.

But me, I'm just the covers on top of your bed.

You steer away in a rear view mirror - you make my head swim.

I keep you warm and won't ask you where you've been."

His large hands were placed on your back, sending shivers through you even though you were sweating.

"With your backless black dress soaked to the skin.

When it's said and done they're all scrambling.

And we're friends, yeah we're friends.

Just because we move units."

You looked up at him, smiling, as he did the same. Usually you'd look away from being shy, but no. You stared right at his eyes, right into him. And everything felt right. He slowly leaned closer, pulling you in so your body was against his. You felt his warm breath on your face and you could feel his heart pounding against you. You leaned in closer too, a small space now between your lips. You looked over to the side, just about to close your eyes; you saw it.

You pulled away quickly, your mouth hanging open from confusion and anger. Patrick stood there for a second, thinking he did something wrong, but then noticed you were upset.

"What is it?" he asked.

You shook your head, your eyes narrowing. "You gotta be fucking kidding me," you muttered, and Patrick moved next to you, trying to see what you were looking at.

There, on the other side of that dance floor, was Alex. In his arms was Nicole. On his face was her own.

You felt hot tears stabbing at your eyes as you clenched your fists. Wiping them away before they could fall, you charged towards the door, Patrick following behind you. You threw the exit doors open, the bitter air nipping at your skin, but you didn't care. You didn't care about anything at that point.

"Julie, wait. Stop," Patrick said as you ran out into the parking lot, throwing yourself on the cold blacktop that had recently been plowed of snow. You threw your arms around your head as you pulled your knees under yourself, rocking back and forth. _How in the fucking Hell could he do this to me? How could he lie to me the way he did? How could he touch me—? How could he do this to some other girl? What the Hell did we do to deserve this?_

Patrick caught up, leaning down next to you. He draped his arm around your shoulders. "It's okay.."

"It's not fucking okay!" you yelled, pushing his arm away. Tears could hardly come to the surface, but your face boiled from anger. "He told me he didn't _like_ to go to dances.." Patrick stared at you, trying to think of what to do. "He told me he wasn't going to go."

"Things change, sometimes," Patrick said, trying to put his arm back around you. "He's just a stupid guy, forget about him.."

"No!" you yelled, pushing him away again. "No! He told me he broke up with her! He said he didn't want to talk to me at school because he didn't want to upset her! But you know the truth? You want to know the goddamn truth? He never fucking broke up with her!" He bit his lip, still staring at you. He had no clue what to do, what to say. "And he did all of those things to me and I _let_ him! I'm so stupid!" You slammed your fists on the ground and then covered your face in your arms. You sat there for a moment, the tears now starting to form as they dripped from your eyes.

Patrick tried putting his arm around you again, and this time you didn't push him away. He pulled you into his lap, and you curled against him, burying your face in his chest. He pulled you tight, rubbing the small part of your back, slightly rocking back and forth. Unable to speak, you let the tears wash over you. Everything came crashing down. You mind was numb and the tears were all that made sense right now. You hadn't even noticed you were shivering uncontrollably. Patrick rubbed his cheek against your head, whispering softly.

"Here, I'll take you back."

"I can't go back home," you said into his shirt. He blinked for a second, then nodded.

"Alright."

***

Patrick pressed the hotel key into the door. As it opened, and he took your hand and he led you in. This, you assumed, was the room they got for you, Courtney, and Sam.

He set the key down, not even bothering to turn the lights on. You let yourself fall onto the bed that was closest to the window. He pulled your shoes off for you then pulled the covers around you, though you were still in your dress. He kneeled on the floor next to the bed, brushing the hair out of your now bloodshot and tear-stained eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, rubbing your cheek with the outside of his hand. He got ready to stand, but you grabbed his arm.

"No, I want you to stay," you said softly. Through your numbness, you knew you wanted him with you.

He stared at you for a moment, studying your face. After deciding, he nodded slowly. "Alright." He stood, walking around the bed to the other side. He unbuttoned his dress shirt, exposing the blue 'I've Got A Sunset In My Veins' shirt he had on underneath. He threw the pinstriped one on a nearby chair then lowered himself down next to you, pulling up the covers around him as well. He kept a small distance between the two of you, but you needed comfort; you needed to feel his arms around you to let you know things would be okay.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold me just for a while?"

_Every line is plotted and designed to leave you standing on your bedroom window's ledge and everyone else that it hits, that it gets to, is nothing more than collateral damage._

He hesitated again for a moment, but then slid closer, pushing his right arm underneath your waist and pulling his left around the top, wrapping them around you. His body was calm and warm against your cold, shivering one. His touch was soft, and it was nothing like what you'd felt before. Your feelings crashed together again, with more intensity this time. You began sobbing again.

"Shhh, no. It'll be okay," he whispered. You turned around so you were facing him, and he placed a hand behind your head, letting you cry into his chest. He resumed stroking your cheek, wiping away your tears and brushing away the stray hairs.

Minutes turned into hours and still you lay in his arms. Your shaking and your tears slowly became shorter and silent. There was nothing else you needed at that point, and he knew that too. You trusted him there, and you knew he wouldn't take advantage of the situation. He knew how upset you were, and his top priority was you.

He peered at the alarm clock behind you on the oak nightstand, watching the time go by. 11:58. 11:59. 12:00.

Midnight. He knew what day it was now. December first. The first of the month. The very first minute of the month.

He leaned down and whispered softly into your ear. "Bunny, bunny."


	17. Chapter 17

**17: We'll Make them So Jealous**

The small amount of December sunshine shone through your eyelids, the image of red covering your view. You opened them, letting the bright light dilate your pupils as reality soon took over your dream world. The exhaustion mixed with the night's dreamless sleep was the perfect combination for temporary amnesia. It was a few minutes after you'd awoken that you realized that you were sharing the bed with Patrick. It too surreal, and you wondered if it were possible that you were still asleep. The events of last night flashed through your mind and you knew this was very much reality. You wanted to smile at the knowledge that your mom would be absolutely livid if she knew you had slept in the same bed with Patrick (in fact, she'd probably skin both of you alive), but you couldn't muster the energy for it. You felt you couldn't care about much anymore…except for the fact that Patrick had been there for you. You hadn't felt so close to anyone in such a way ever before. You remembered all the little details about him from the night before. You remembered how it felt to be held in his arms. Everything felt amazing at that moment. Your toes were tingling, your body felt completely relaxed underneath the clean-smelling sheets, and you could feel on your neck the soft, rhythmic breathing coming from Patrick. You turned in your position, his right arm that was around you falling slowly against the mattress, but he kept sleeping.  

You studied him closely, every inch of him. His mouth was slightly agape, his lips soft and inviting, his nose small and sweet, and his eyes-  His eyes were open? It took you a moment to realize that he was now awake, staring at you with utmost interest as he formed a small smile. You smiled back at him, not looking away. You wanted to remember him like this.  

He reached his arms up, stretching and yawning loudly, then fell back down against the mattress. He stared up at the ceiling and whispered gently. "Julie."  

You still stared at him, admiring how cute he looked in the morning.   _Patrick? Cute? This doesn't even sound like me talking…_You felt the bed jerk, and then there was a sudden weight on you. He'd rolled over suddenly, lying on top of you as you let out a giggle. "What're you doing?" you laughed, throwing your arms around his neck.  

He only stared; a few inches were now the only shield between you. You could feel his legs entwining with yours and the sheet, his hands on either sides of your head. He looked into your eyes as he made that teethy, 'Patrick' smile that you'd learned to adore. It soon faded, though, as his vision traveled down your face, landing on your lips. He continued staring at them while he bit his bottom one. You could feel the familiar heat pounding through your inner thighs just from his gaze. After a few seconds of agonizing anticipation, he slowly leaned his head in towards yours. You opened your mouth, inviting him—just as someone barged through the door. He quickly moved his head away, looking over his shoulder to see who had ruined the moment.  

"_Porn ninja_!"  You automatically knew who it was. Pete, who was naked underneath his white robe, had a towel tied around his head as he ran into the room, screaming and jumping back and forth from both of the beds.  

Patrick groaned. "Shit, not this again," he muttered. Pete jumped beside the both of you, making you bounce.  

"_Pooorn ninja attack_!"  

You giggled. "Does he do this often?"  

"Yeah. What can I say? He's a morning person," he said, then turned around to yell at him. "Pete, put Mr. Johnson away! It's too early for him to be out and about."  

"_Ahhh_!_ Ninja!_" Pete screamed, running for the door just as Courtney barged in. She punched him on the arm, dragging him out of the room.  

"Leave them alone. And put some clothes on! The cameras can see you," she yelled, pulling him by his robe.  

"Who cares? They think I'm scandalous!"   

"Sorry," she mumbled, closing the door as Pete ran screaming into the hallway.   You couldn't help but laugh, as did Patrick. He turned his head back to you, still smiling.  

The mention of the cameras reminded you that these guys were only in your life for a short time longer. Only two months left and they'd be gone forever. They were already in the making of scheduling their next tour, Black Clouds and Underdogs, and would be leaving right in the middle of January. _Such great timing we have._ Right when you were growing closer with Patrick. You knew that if anything were to start with him, it couldn't last. You'd never see him again. He'd be in Europe while you would be finishing out your days in high school. All of these thoughts were rushing into your head all at once as you lied there with him, his body now next to yours, and your hormones running wild. You knew you had to promise yourself to not fall for him. There was no way you could stay together; it just wasn't in the cards. But as you looked up into his blue eyes that made you want to melt, everything surpassed you. You couldn't help but to smile.

"I love your smile," he said, gazing at you.  

You blushed slightly. "Aww, thanks."  

"No, I mean it," he said. "I actually love your smile. It's contagious." You didn't really know how to react to this; you weren't used to being complimented. "And you know what else I love about you?"

You didn't turn away, but instead gazed back at him. "What?"  

"I love how your voice always makes my stomach turn, and sometimes you don't even have to say anything. You can just stand there and look at me, and that's all that really needs to be said. And I love how you'll constantly be stuck in my mind to the point where I can't breathe. I love how you always give me the urge to hold you. I love how you always make my hands shake because I'm nervous. And I love how you've changed me completely even in just the short amount of time I've known you." You could feel a lump form in your throat as you listened. Pieces of his hair fell into his face and you brushed them behind his ear as he continued talking. "And the pathetic thing is that the day we were at the movies and you said you liked someone, I swear I thought it was me."  

"That's not pathetic," you said, trying to think of _anything_ comforting to say.  

"Yeah, it is. I should've realized it was that kid, but I was so convinced. You said he had blonde hair, blue eyes, and you'd just gotten to know him. Wow, I'm dumb." 

"No you're not. Shut up before I slap you," you said, giving him a serious look.  

"But I just want to make sure everything I said mattered to you." You could tell how worried he seemed, and you quickly nodded as you locked your hand behind his head, entwining your fingers in his soft hair.   He sighed, relieved, and mumbled gently, "Good."  

You knew this would be the perfect moment. He slowly moved towards you again, a tiny grin covering his lips that were seconds away from yours. You could feel his hot breath on your face.

_We'll make them so jealous, we'll make them so jealous._

"Hey! Stop making out and come into our room," Joe said, barging in. "Pete woke _me_ up, so you have to get up too. It's the rule."  

Patrick sighed, hanging his head down in defeat as you giggled. "Alright, alright. I give up," Patrick said. "We'll be out in a second." He rolled out of bed, pulling the blankets up and standing up. He held his hand out and you took it, getting up too. You ran your fingers through your hair, feeling the grease from your tears the night before. You picked your shoes off from the floor and walked towards the bathroom.  

"I need a shower really quickly," you said.  

"It better be quick," Joe said. "We want to go bowling today."


	18. Chapter 18

**18: Out of My League**

"No fucking way!" Pete yelled, standing up onto the red booth that you were all seated at. "Damn you, Andy! God, he does this every time."  

"What'd I do?" Andy asked, smiling deviously.  

"You bowled a perfect score every time, that's what," Joe said, peering up at the scoreboard that was above everyone. Pete continued jumping up and down, furious. "How is it fair? He beats me at _every_thing!"  

"Pete, sit boy," said Courtney who was sitting beside him, tugging on his pants so he'd stop making a scene. Several people had already come up asking for autographs and photos, so you all only wanted a few minutes in peace without people staring. Pete, however, was making this impossible.  

"No! He always beats me at Mario Kart, and now bowling! Damnit!"  

"Game's over, Peter Pan. Just get down and I'll buy you some nachos on our way out," Andy said.  

Joe nodded. "Yeah, we should probably get Julie and Courtney back home. We're practicing early tomorrow."  

You were seated at the booth, Patrick beside you with his arm around your shoulder. Grabbing Patrick's hand, you looked down at his watch to see what time it was. 8:47  _Damn_.  Time always flew by when you were with these guys. You had spent the entire day at the bowling alley, playing and messing around the whole time. After all, you needed a day to just get away and have fun after what had happened. It's a good thing it was Thursday and you didn't have to go back to school until Tuesday. You knew you couldn't bare facing Alex anytime soon. He'd humiliated you completely, and you didn't even want to think about him.  

"I'll take the girls back home," Joe said, interrupting your thoughts.   

"I'll come too," Patrick said, reaching into his coat and grabbing his keys. "Pete and Andy can take my car back to the hotel." He threw the car keys at Andy, who caught them quickly.  

"You're parked in the front, right?" Andy asked, peering outside. Patrick nodded. "Good because it's snowing like hell out there," Andy remarked as he pulled his hood on his hoodie up over his head. "Let's go, Pete. I'll buy you some nachos some other time. I wanna get back as soon as possible because I hate driving in the snow."  

Pete whined. "Fine then, butt munch. I don't want your dumb nachos anyway." He and Andy said their goodbyes, then headed out as Joe followed them. "I'll go get the car and pull it up front for you guys," Joe said. "I think I remembered where I parked."  

"I remember," Courtney said, running over to him. "I'll go help him while you two stay here," she added with a wink. You knew what she was doing. She was trying to make up for Pete's interruption earlier that morning. You just smiled at her.

You and Patrick both stood from the booth as he threw his coat on then followed the other two towards the door and outside. The snow was falling slowly, the flakes were thick white blobs, floating their way onto your shivering arms. Since you only had your dress, you had to borrow some of Pete's clothes. Of course he only had hoodies.

"Aw fuck, it _is_ cold!" Joe yelled.  

"Here, let's hurry!" Courtney said, grabbing his hand and running into the dark parking lot, the only light being that of the outside one beside the building that you and Patrick were now standing under. You laughed at them as you heard them yelling back and forth.

"Where is the damn car?"

"Wherever the Hell you put it!"

"Like I was paying attention!" This lasted for a few seconds longer until they were too far away to hear more than incoherent sounds. Grinning, Patrick turned back to you. He noticed you were shivering and his smile disappeared.  

"Oh shit! I forgot you didn't have a coat!" he said. He quickly unbuttoned his jean jacket, motioning for you to come closer. "Here." You obliged, stepping closer to him as he wrapped his coat around you. You instantly felt his body heat engulf you and you felt warmer. Smiling, you thanked him and rested your head on his shoulder. You listened to his steady breathing and his heartbeat slowly increasing. You felt him hold you slightly tighter, and you did the same. You looked up into his blue eyes and suddenly it felt like spring already. He bit the corner of his lower lip, staring back at you.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

You smiled warmly, knowing that your expression betrayed your every emotion. "Promise that you'll never hold another girl like you hold me."

He returned the same warm smile. "I promise."

You both continued to stare at each other. The rabid butterflies raged around your stomach more than ever before. Patrick let a small smile escape his lips. You both slowly leaned into each other. Your lips were closer than ever before, just about to touch, when headlights distracted you. You both squinted into the blinding light and the driver honked at you two.

"Get in the car, bitches!" Joe yelled, popping his head out of the driver's window.

***

You heard a knock at your door and you flung your eyelids open. You squinted at the brightness radiating into your room. You were sure it was the sun reflecting off the snow that fell the night before that made it so painfully bright. You sighed, beaming at the memory of last night. How was it possible for you to be so happy after you'd been crushed? There was another knock at the door, sharper this time. It tore you from your thoughts. "What? Come in."

The door opened a fraction of the way, Just enough for your mom to slip in through. She shut the door behind her. She had a small smile on her face, so you knew you weren't in trouble for being late last night. It seemed to be that she realized she could trust you and not have to worry about where you were at all times.

"Hey, sleepy head," she said. "Joe's downstairs. He says you have practice today."

_Damn._ "I forgot to set my alarm!" you said, jumping out of bed and running over to your closet. You frantically perused your closet, tossing aside piles of clothes, searching for something clean to wear.

"Honey?" your mom asked. She had stepped aside to avoid the projectile clothing.

"Yeah?" you mumbled hardly audible due to the shirt you were now pulling over your head.

"I wanted to ask you about that guy."

You rolled your eyes as you reached back into your closet, pulling out a pair of jeans. "Alex? He's a liar. I hate him. The end."

"No, not him," she said. "The other one."

You pulled the pants up, zipping them as you grabbed your FOB hoodie. "You mean Patrick? What about him?"

She sighed, leaning against your dresser. "He's older than you, Julie."

"Agh, Mom, I'm not in the mood for this right now," you said, shoving on the nearest pair of your Van slip-on shoes. "I'm almost eighteen. He's almost twenty-two. We're fine. And plus, I'm not _really_ dating him. Not technically."

"I just want you to be careful—"

"I'm fine," you interrupted. "Now I have to leave for practice. Bye." You reached up, kissed her on the cheek then walked out of your room.

"Be back by six!" she yelled as you quickly ran down the stairs. Joe was sitting on your couch completely enthralled by a fake potted plant on your coffee table. He was inspecting the leaves closely and poking at the soil.

"Yes, Joe, it is a fake plant," you said, grabbing your coat and your Harry Potter Gryffindor scarf. "Alright, now let's leave before my mom decides to give me the sex talk." He looked up at you as soon as he heard the word "sex." _What, is that the only word that can catch his attention?_

You were first to reach the car. Your mood turned a one-sixty back to happy when you saw Patrick in the passenger's seat. You smiled at each other as you climbed into the back seat of the van.

"Hey," he greeted you, turning around and grinning as Joe got into the driver's seat.

"Hey."

"You ready?" Joe asked you as he turned around, getting ready to pull out. He started heading in the opposite direction he normally went.

You looked at him questioningly. "Where are we off to?"

"It's a surprise."

* * *

"What is all of this?" The three of you were standing in the middle of the mall. In front of you, a blanket and two guitars were spread out. You crunched your forehead in confusion, watching Joe and Patrick warily. Patrick took a seat on the blanket and picked up one of the acoustic guitars. Joe smiled and motioned for you to do the same.

"You, my dear, are going to play your song with him for everyone to hear."

"You want me to _what?_" you protested. You gave him the same mortified look you did the day he asked you to perform some air guitar.

"Just do it, damn you." He ushered you onto the blanket and pressed down on your shoulders so you sat next to Patrick. "Now, take your coat off and grab the other guitar.

You huffed, knowing there was no way you could get out of this. You obediently did as Joe commanded, setting your coat and scarf behind you. You pulled the other guitar onto your lap, ready to strum. You looked anxiously at Patrick.

"It'll be fine," he assured you. "These people have no idea who you are so it doesn't matter what they think."

You looked away from him to your right. Already a small group of people was gathering around you, waiting to see what would happen. Others passed by, looking behind them curiously as they passed. You looked back to Patrick.

"Just breathe," Patrick whispered. His blue eyes made you forget about everyone else. "Here, I'll start." He set his pick against the strings, then slowly started strumming. "Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town."

You started strumming along with him. Your own voice joined his, singing the harmony. "When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances on the hope you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you. (For you so) You need him. I could be him....I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him." You grew more confident in your strumming and singing. Patrick caught your attention and you returned his grin. "Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town." He let you take the next verse by yourself. "Someday I'll appreciate in value, Get off my ass and call you...But in the meantime I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants off at 4:00 in the afternoon." Patrick's voice rejoined yours, "You need him. I could be him....I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him." A few members of the crowd chimed in "1! 2! 3! 4!" You fought off a giggle. "Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town." The last chord was cut off and you beamed out at the crowd. They were all clapping and cheering. You hugged the guitar close and giggled, looking at Patrick. You both knew at that moment that music had taken hold of your life.

Once the clapping died down, Patrick turned towards the crowd. "Hey guys! Just to let you know, this is Julie and she's amazing. And I'd like to play another song dedicated to her. You see, this is the one girl that I can't stop thinking about and I want everyone to know that," he said, causing a few people to exclaim "aww!" His cheeks turned a little pink. "So yeah, here's the song. It's called 'Out of My League.'"

You looked at him in total awe. You had _no idea_ that he was going to sing to you. A huge feeling of overwhelming want came over you as you watched him nervously grab his pick again, leaning against his guitar. As soon as he began singing, the largest smile played across your lips. "It's her hair and her eyes today that just simply takes me away and the feeling that I'm falling further in love makes me shiver, but in a good way. All the times I have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays, with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say. Cause I love her with all that I am and my voice shakes along with my hands. Cause she's all that I see and she's all that I need and I'm out of my league once again. It's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes and I feel like I'm falling but its no surprise. Cause I love her with all that I am and my voice shakes along with my hands cause its frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but I'd rather be here than on land. Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need and I'm out of my league once again. It's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that I'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way. All the times I have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays, with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say. Cause I love her with all that I am and my voice shakes along with my hands cause its frightening to be swimming in this strange sea, but I'd rather be here than on land. Yes, she's all that I see and she's all that I need and I'm out of my league once again."


	19. Chapter 19

**19: Eyeliner and a Famous Designer Brand**

_Eyeliner and a famous designer brand_

_Your mind is a moment to be stamped..._

You were completely entranced; your smile was permanently stuck on your face. You were only partially aware of the cheers coming from the now large crowd that surrounded you. You were incapable of looking away as he grinned and thanked everyone for listening.

_Expressed tried and true_

_Just look, look at you_

_So pretty and perfect_

_Due to your steady hand..._

He returned his smile back to you. In that moment, every memory of the tears you shed over Alex disappeared. Everything about being with Patrick felt right. Every part of you screamed it was true. Alex had been completely erased from your mind.

_I know where that make up will land_

_Apply that lip-gloss like it's your job_

_You know you're his heartthrob_

You set your guitar next to you and sat up on your knees. You grabbed his guitar from his hands as well and set it beside him. He quickly looked at you, his smile fading to a look of confusion and excitement. You laced your fingers with his and you stood together. With your fingers still entwined together, you pulled his arms around your waist and leaned up, standing a little on your tiptoes. Your lips touched his. You felt his lips form a smile against yours and he let loose a small giggle. He held you tighter as he kissed you again. You slid your arms around his neck. Through the gentle touch of his soft lips on yours, you felt every emotion. Your heart danced and the earth stood still. The air was sucked from around you, but you'd never felt more alive. You felt like you were flying, yet your knees could hardly support your weight. You pulled back and you both just watched each other, oblivious to the crowd. In the background you could hear Joe clapping slowly as everyone else joined in, making the adrenaline rush faster through your body. You felt a strange chill cover your skin and you shuddered in his arms that held you close to him.

"Are you cold?" he whispered, biting his bottom lip. Worry lined his forehead.

You laughed. "No, I'm not." Your fingers played with a it of his hair that stuck out from under his hat...the one you had bought him.

_You wanna know what you got_

_I got a plan we can't get caught_

_There's no chance in hell well stop_

_No, I think not_

Patrick pulled your arms from around his neck and hooked his fingers to yours, letting your hands fall between you. Joe waved his arms around, making people move off to the side.

"Alright, alright, back off everyone. Go buy some more stuff. Better yet, go buy _me_ some stuff," he said, making a pathway. He leaned between your head and Patrick's head, whispering, "Go ahead and grab something to eat. I'll wait here for Dirty."

Patrick nodded, pulling you past the crowd. You looked up at him as he grinned. "Who's Dirty?" you asked, but he quickly shushed you.

"Don't worry about it," he said. His eyes moved as he looked behind you. "Follow me."

You gave him a confused look as he clenched your hand tighter. He began to run down the mall, pulling you behind him as you passed a group of stores. You peered over you shoulder as you noticed the camera guys running frantically behind you, trying not to lose you.

"Patrick!" you yelled, laughing. "What're you doing!"

He kept running, though, as you both headed around the corner and down the second part of the mall. You stopped running. "Trust me," he whispered in your ear as you gave him another puzzled look. He pulled you to the other side of the hall, your shoes squeaking against the tiled floor, and you sprinted to the end, turning down a narrow hallway. You leaned against an inset door. You both held your breath as the cameramen ran past your little hallway and into the department store at the end of the bigger hallway. Once they were far away enough, you both set out at a run again heading towards the opposite end of the mall and into a store called Kaufmanns. He dragged you past the old women's section. The customers gave you strange looks and glares as you jogged past them, laughing. He slowed to a walk and grabbed a sweater off of a hook, leading you towards the dressing room off to your right behind the mountains of clothing racks.

A middle aged cashier stepped in front of you forcing you both to come to a halt. "Can I help you both?" she asked as she glared at the sweater he was holding.

"Yes," he said, breathing heavily from running. He held your hand up. "She'd like to try this on."

She raised an eyebrow at you, so you smiled, attempting to seem sincere. "Alright. Second door down," she said, stepping aside.

You muttered thanks as he pulled you into the small hallway of dressing rooms, counting down two doors. He opened the door, letting you inside the small, white cubicle as he stepped in with you, closing the door behind him.

_Pinching with a moment so tight_

_Undone and looking just right_

Your laughter ran together as he threw the sweater on the small bench then walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist again as you leaned your back against the wall.

"You're crazy," you whispered, trying not to be too loud since you knew there were other people in the rooms next to you.

He giggled. "Yeah, I know. I'm getting pretty good at hiding from cameras."

"Maybe I should be with you all the time," you said.

"Speaking of that," he said. "We're supposed to leave at the end of the month for the New Year's thing at TRL and the Big in '05. Then we have to work on our new video in LA."

"You're one busy boy," you laughed.

"Well, care to be a busy girl with me?"

You stopped for a second, thinking. You bit your lower lip. You _did_ have your Christmas break from school that would last for a few weeks, and if you got Courtney and Sam to go along your mom might agree. You nodded slowly as a large smile cracked across his face once again.

"Thank God," he said, relieved. "I didn't know what I'd do for three weeks without you."

"Under one condition," you said, throwing your arms around his neck.

"What's that?"

"I get to be in your video," you said.

He stared at you for a moment, then agreed. "Sure. Under another condition."

"Alright, what?" you asked.

"This—" He pulled you in for another kiss.

_No not tonight_

_No not tonight_

_A smeared kiss_

_3_

_2_

_1_

There was no way you could ever let go of him.

_A moment missed_

After a few moments, he pulled away and stared at you, his grin slipping. He had a serious look on his face and you watched him. "Julie . . . I don't want this to be like what you had with Alex."

"What're you talking about?" you asked, confused.

He sighed. "I don't want to let you slip away from me. I don't want us to not _be_ anything." You continued looking at him, perplexed. "I- Ugh. Here," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. "I sat down last night and wrote down exactly what I was going to say to you, but I can't say it. Here." You took it once he held it out to you, and he had a seat on the bench as you opened the paper. With a blue pen, these words were scribbled out for you:

Julie,

So yeah, I guess you already know how I feel about you since I try to let it show every day that I see you. But you probably knew this was coming, so I might as well say it.

I was engaged to Anna when I was with her. I never told you that, did I? But yeah. I was. And I was totally infatuated with her and the thought of being with her forever. She's young and I'm young, but it didn't matter. Then I left to go on tour, everything fell apart, and you know the rest. But I can't stand to have that happen again, knowing that we're going to be in two completely different countries and I won't be able to hold you. Do you know how much I would _kill_ to be the boy who you fall asleep thinking about every night? There's no way I can go a long period of time knowing that you're not mine. There's no way. So I'm asking you this as the boy who hasn't been able to leave you alone since the first moment we met. I'm the boy with the pale skin and the aching heart. I'm the boy hiding behind his hats, jackets, and glasses. I'm the boy who can't keep his eyes off of you, and I don't want it to stop. So will you promise not to see _him_ when I'm gone?

_Finger Twist And Split_

You stared at the paper that was in your hands, feeling your stomach drop to the floor. You knew he was jealous of Alex the entire time, and you knew that when he told you to date him, he didn't really mean it. You folded the paper, sitting next to him on the bench. "Well, Stump, you've got a lot on your hands right now."

He laughed softly, rubbing his head in his hands. "Yeah, I know."

"Patrick, of course I promise."

_Body language is something that you feel_

_It's just too real to be concealed_

_Body language is something that you learn_

_And you just can't get taught_

_We'll never get caught..._


	20. Chapter 20

**20: The Phrase that Pays**

Over the next few weeks, life has been bliss for you. Yes, you did know about Patrick's feelings before he gave you the note at the mall, but it never really hit you until then. People take advantage of emotions everyday, not even noticing the true meaning of them. It's never usually intentional; it just happens. And nothing can be done until we let these feelings soak into our skin like the sun on a seducing spring day. It all happens on it's own. There's no way to explain it. But this is what happened to you. And now that you knew there was someone who truly cared for you, every day seemed easier. School was like nothing to you; no one could bring you down from your emotional high. All of the gossip and all of the impudent looks bounced off you. Knowing that at the end of the day you'd own his smile, you were fine.

But apparently, talk had passed quickly through the halls of Mercer High, and everyone knew of the whole deal between you and Alex. Girls were going name-crazy, calling you a slut or a whore every time you walked by. In a way, you were happy about this. Most of these people were trying to be your friend before (especially at the party), but now they were spreading rumors about you. You brushed off their behavior as that of jealous, attention hungry teens. This whole experience made you realize that even a small town like this could still take the place of the real world. Not everyone is as they seem; people only want things in return for a few hours of fake smiles and forged handshakes. Remember that.

There were two more issues at school that made you laugh. The first being everyday in Biology, you'd have to dodge the thousands of apologies and excuses from that certain someone that was the root of all the gossip; Alex. He'd constantly try running over to you during labs, throwing empty apologies and excuses at you. _I swear, she came over to my house that night __begging__ me to go with her to the dance!_ _My mom threatened to ground me, so I had to go!_ _She didn't even mean anything to me! It was a pity date! _You'd ignore him until the bell sounded. Then, you'd turn to him, give him a sarcastic smile and wish him a nice day.

You knew too well why he was crawling back to you. It was blatantly obvious. Nicole had dumped him after she'd heard the rumors about you and him, and he wanted to make her jealous again by being with you. But he'd blown his chance to Hell. Patrick was the only boy you wanted now.

As for the second issue at school…Lets start at the beginning, shall we?

It was about the third week of December when things started to change. Courtney would enter the classroom acting all bubbly and excited for the holidays, but then she'd be biting your head off over nothing really too important. At first you brushed it off as PMS week for her. But by the end of the week, you knew something was wrong. PMS week was never so long with her. You sat in math class at the end of the day, copying notes down from the board. You noticed Courtney out of the corner of your eye, and she was smiling sprightly to herself. Ripping out a piece of paper from your notebook, you scribbled, _What's up? _You threw it on her desk before the teacher turned around. After finishing your notes, you set your pencil down as she threw the paper back at you. Picking it up, you unfolded it and stared down at the words that made your heart leap in your chest.

_Brace yourself…__Would you care to be a godmother?_

Your mouth fell, your eyes widening as you looked over at her. The look on her face gave you no reason at all to think that she was kidding. She was dead serious.

"Wh-what?" you said, making the entire classroom go completely silent. Everyone stared at you.

"Yes, Julie? Do you have a question?" your teacher asked, glaring at you.

You bit your lip. "Oh, um, no. Sorry. I'm fine."

And that was the day you found out Courtney was pregnant. It was pretty obvious who was the father since she and Pete had become inseparable. But how could she let this happen? Sure you were happy for her, but you were somewhat disappointed at the same time. She's still in high school, and this will probably ruin the rest of her future. And she's only known Pete for the good part of two months! But you really didn't want to say this to her, knowing that she had enough on her mind these days. All you could do was be there for her and try to wait it out. These were one of the things that you needed to soak in; that everyone needed to soak in.

* * *

Your alarm blared at you. You threw your hand in the air, smacking the button to make it turn off. It was early December 28. 4:50 am. You would soon be leaving to New York with Sam, Courtney and the guys.

You rolled out of bed, planting your feet on the ground, rubbing your eyes. You stood up, your weak and tired body trying to grasp a hold of the sudden change of gravity as you made your way into the bathroom. You'd have exactly ten minutes to get ready before Courtney and Sam would be at your house to get you and drive down to the airport in Pittsburgh where you'd meet the guys. It was far too early for your mind to even comprehend the word shower, much less the action of taking a quick one, so you just brushed your hair, your teeth, and pulled on some clothes. By the time you had reached the downstairs, the preset coffee was ready. You poured some in a to-go cup with creamer and sugar. Courtney honked her horn in your driveway. You shrugged on your coat and checked to make sure you had the essentials in your carry-on bag (ipod, book, gum, hairbrush…). Courtney's horn blasted again. "Hold on," you mumbled as if she could hear you. After you slung your carry-on and your duffle bag over your shoulder, you trudged your way out to the waiting car.

_Boys like you are a dime a dozen..._


	21. Chapter 21

**21: Has-beens and Never-weres**

"Is that _all_ you're taking?" Courtney asked, a bit surprised when she saw you waddle to her trunk.

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"You _do_ know we're leaving for a few _weeks_, right?"

"Whatever. I'll wash my clothes if I have to." You shoved your bags in the trunk next to the many suitcases Sam and Courtney brought. You fell into the car, still feeling groggy, the coffee not having had time to reach your blood stream yet, and closed the car door. It was still completely dark out and there were trickles of snow falling, visible only under the streetlamps. You pulled your hood up over your head as you and sunk lower in your seat. Your coffee mug was cradled in your hands, like it was the cup of life. You took a sip, savoring the warmth it brought you. Courtney turned on the car and music started to fill your ears.

"Can you believe she only brought two bags?" Courtney asked Sam.

Her head shot back at you. "What? You _do_ know we're going to be gone for a couple weeks?"

"Yes, yes," you said, leaning back in your seat. "Sam already scolded me for it. But oh well, I guess I'm not one for packing. And right now I could really give a crap. Can we just drive now? We only have two hours until the plane leaves."

Courtney shook her head at you, then put the car in reverse, heading down the street. You plopped your legs up across the backseat, leaning your head down against the plush armrest on the door. Putting your hands behind your head, you closed your eyes, letting the music wash over you.

_I served out my detention_

_And in the end I got an honorable mention_

_In the movie of my life_

_Starring you- Instead of me_

_When the moonlight, hits your bright eyes I go blind_

_And maybe next time_

_I'll remember not to tell you something stupid_

_Like I'll never leave your side_

_Like the oldest movie I ever saw_

_Was the one we wrote together_

_I said I hate you but I'd never change a thing_

_I can be your John Cusack_

It was strange for you to hear Patrick's voice coming from the speakers. It was also strange to think that somewhere out in the airwaves, his voice was singing to someone else. You didn't view him as the celebrity that he was; you saw him as the shy guy with the argyle sweater and adorable face. He was the boy who made you smile when your day was in the pits.

"Pete better be opening and closing doors for you," Sam said. "And he better carry your bags and be a complete gentleman towards you the entire trip."

"And why's that?" Courtney asked, turning the car so you were now heading down the interstate.

"Because! You're pregnant, and that's just how it goes."

You smiled, listening to their conversation and staring out the window.

"And he better buy you and the baby a ton of stuff."

"Sam, it's _not_ coming out for another eight months. I think he has a while to do all of these things," Courtney said. "And besides.." She stopped for a second, her voice trailing off.

"What?" you heard Sam ask.

"Well.. He doesn't really need to know about it yet," she said.

Your mouth dropped as you and Sam both yelled, "_What?_" The coffee hadn't yet reached your brain, but you were wide-awake now.

"He doesn't need to know!" Courtney said in defense. "He has enough to worry about at the moment with making the video and scheduling the tour and stuff."

"Courtney! He has to know! If you don't tell him now, he's probably going to freak out at you," you said.

Sam agreed. "Yeah. And it's his kid, so he has a right to know soon, not in a few months when he's wondering why your stomach is the size of a watermelon."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" she asked. "Call him and tell him while he's sitting around with all of the guys in the car? I don't think so."

"No, you're going to tell him when you're sitting alone on the plane," you said.

"We're going to be in first class anyway," Sam said. "So you'll be able to be with him while the rest of us are scattered around in other places. No one will hear you, so it'll be fine."

Courtney sighed heavily, tightening her hands around the steering wheel. You could tell this whole situation was really getting to her, and she was scared to death to tell Pete. It was understandable because he was older and had such a great status in the media, which could make him intimidating, but she was the one girl who was closest to him. She was definitely the only one who could tell him the news. There was no way you could help her out of this.

The adrenaline rush wore off and you were back to feeling immensely groggy. You closed your eyes again, letting the dark lead you into a light sleep as the music overtook you.

_Walking off that stage tonight_

_I know what you're thinking_

_He stands alone because he's high on himself_

_But if you only knew.._

_I was terrified and would you mind_

_If I sat next to you and watched you smile_

_So many kids but I only see you_

_And I don't think you notice me_

You could see Patrick sitting in an empty restaurant, his gorgeous smile shining across a white clothed table and tall candles. His eyes were lit up, but his hands were shaking slowly as he reached into his jean jacket that was hanging off the back of his chair. He pulled out a small red box. His lips pursed as he held it out over the table, his hair falling gently over his eyes.

"Anna, will you marry me?"

_Well I've seen your boyfriend_

_And I don't think he treats you right_

_But that's none of my business, is it?_

_I'm not the way you think I am, no._

_I'm not the way you think I am, no._

A girl with bright blonde hair was sitting across from him, and she gasped lightly while putting a hand to her chest.

"Oh, Patrick.."

He opened the box, but you couldn't see the ring that was inside of it. All you could see was how happy he seemed to be..

_The only girl who ever gave me the time_

_Was the one who only wanted five minutes of mine_

_Knocking boots in the back_

_How degrading is that?_

_I decline_

You heard a loud ringing, which brought you back from your dreams. You looked up and saw Courtney answer her phone. Sam seemed to be completely asleep in her reclined seat, her eyes closed and her legs curled beside her. The sky was brighter, the small amount of sunlight creating a blue effect on the landscape of trees outside the window. The snow was still falling, but was now more intense than before. If it weren't for the sunlight and the spotlights coming from the cars across from you, you'd think it was raining. You sat up, letting your feet fall to the floor of the car as you rubbed your forehead and eyes.

"Yeah, we should be there soon; we're just reaching the outside of the city," you heard Courtney say into the phone.

You peered out at the green street sign you were passing which read _Pittsburgh Two Miles_. You were still on the interstate, but you could start to see the exits leading off into the suburbs of the city.

Courtney peered into her rear-view mirror at you then nodded. "Yeah, she's awake. You want to talk to her? ..alright." She held the phone out to you, her other hand on the steering wheel. "It's Patrick. He wants to talk to you."

You took it, smiling and holding it up to your ear. "Hello," you mumbled sleepily.

"Hey! How are you?" he asked cheerfully, seeming to be wide-awake.

"Great. Just a bit hungry and tired. You?"

"The same, pretty much. I was going to wait until you got here to eat, but all of the other guys are eating right now. OW! Joe, pancakes are for eating, not throwing, thanks."

You giggled. "No, it's fine. You don't have to wait, I'll just grab something before we get on the plane."

"The Hell with that, I'm waiting," he said. Of course he'd wait for you. That's just part of who he is. No matter if you scolded him for it or not, he'd always be super sweet and courteous to you…Always such a gentleman. "But I hope you guys get here soon because the plane's leaving in a half an hour and I want to run around the escalators with you."

"Well we should be there soon. We're just entering the city now," you said, peering out the front window at the large buildings that were just coming into view.

"Okay. Well I can't wait to see you. I'll let you girls get back to your gossiping," he said.

"Yeah, yeah," you laughed. "I'll see you soon."

_I can be your John Cusack_


	22. Chapter 22

**22: Tip You Glasses to No Direction**

The snow was becoming more and more intense as you entered the city, the sky now a bright white as the flakes fell in crowds to the ground. You pulled your seatbelt around you, not knowing what the roads would be like and not wanting to find out the hard way. Sam was now waking up, stretching her arms out and squinting from the bright light outside.

"Might want to put your seatbelt on too," Courtney said, turning the car off the interstate.

Sam obeyed, throwing it over her and pulling her seat forward so your knees weren't lodged into her back. Courtney turned the music down, which was now 'World War Me' by From First To Last, since she needed to concentrate on how to get to the airport.

"Will you grab the paper sitting on the dashboard?" Courtney asked Sam. "You can read me the directions from here."

Sam grabbed the paper and held it up, finding the next street name. How awesome was MapQuest? Fun and easy to print out, but also very confusing and frustrating when you're in a car full of young girls and you've been up since four in the morning.

"..and turn here at the next exit," Sam said, pointing down the street.

"What? That one?" Courtney pointed, confused.

"No, the one you just passed," Sam answered. "Turn around."

"Where?"

"There's a parking lot up there," you said, pointing at a nearby Taco Bell.

Courtney swerved the car into the next lane, pulling into the lot. The car behind you beeped, and Sam turned around, glaring at the woman who was driving.

"Bitch," she yelled, and you quickly turned around to look at the woman too who suddenly flipped Sam off. You laughed, slapping the back of Sam's seat.

"What the Hell? She's the one who beeped at _us_!" she yelled, wide eyed.

Courtney laughed too. "Shut up and show me where that exit was."

* * *

It took you about ten minutes to find the airport, but you finally made it in time. Courtney parked close to the doors and the three of you grabbed your bags and headed inside. Shivering, you pulled your hood down as you went through the doors, the warm air brushing against your snow-bitten cheeks. You waited until Sam and Courtney were beside you then kept walking until you reached the center lobby. The snow melted off your shoes, making them squeak against the linoleum.

"Where to from here?" Sam asked, turning around and looking at Courtney.

Courtney had her purse out, ruffling through it to find the tickets. Once she found them, she peered down and read aloud. "It says Gate F, so I'm guessing we have to go upstairs," she said.

You picked up your duffel bag and headed towards an escalator in front of you. Once upstairs, you headed down a short hallway where you found the main desk. You pushed Courtney in front of you to ask for directions.

"May I help you?" asked an old man with a white beard who was standing on the other side.

"Yes, um, we already bought our tickets and we're supposed to be at Gate F," she said. You turned to face Sam as Courtney got the directions.

"I wonder how the boys are doing," you said.

She smiled. "You and Patrick are so cute."

You blinked at her, slightly stunned, and giggled. "Totally from left field, but thank you!"

"Of course! I just thought I'd tell you that."

You thought for a second then looked down at your feet. "Can I tell you something kinda strange?"

"What's that?" Sam asked, curious.

"Well.. On the way down here, I had a dream about him.."

"That's not strange," she said.

"..with Anna."

She stared at you for a moment, bewildered. "You mean his ex?"

You nodded. "Isn't that weird?"

"Well.. What happened?"

"He proposed to her," you said.

You could tell how confused she was by this because of the look on her face. "That is weird."

Courtney turned around, pushing each of your tickets into your hands. "Here, follow me," she said. You sighed heavily, picking up your bags as you followed her back down the hallway. You peered around at the stores as you passed, seeing the people walk in and out. You noticed various couples walking around, hand in hand. You frowned, looking away as you continued walking until you reached the gates.

A

B

C

D

E

F

You could see the sign pointing towards your gate, and felt your stomach leap in excitement. You couldn't wait to get out of here. Or maybe you were just hungry. You looked a little further to see a large red and yellow sign that read 'McDonalds.'

"Hey guys, I'm gonna go grab something to eat," you said, and they both nodded at you.

You walked over and set your bag down, reaching into your pocket to get your wallet out. There was someone in front of you, so you stood there politely as you grabbed a ten and put your wallet back. Looking up at the menu, you tried to decide what you wanted. After staring at the pictures, you realized how shitty McDonald's breakfasts were, so you decided to just get a coffee. You moved up in line, pulling your bag with you. The kid behind the cash register, a guy of about fifteen with shaggy black hair, stared down at you with an unpleasant look on his face.

"How can I help you?" he asked in a dull tone.

You assumed he was just tired and shrugged it off. Usually you'd freak out on people who acted like that, but you were in too much of a hurry to care. "I'd like a small coffee," you said.

"That'll be 3.50."

You handed him the money, and he shoved your change into your hand before he turned around to start making your drink. You could feel someone come up in line behind you, rubbing against your back. A bit creeped out, you scooted forward so you'd have room, but the person behind you moved closer once again. The cashier came back with your drink and you took it urgently, ready to walk away, when you noticed the shocked look on his face as he pointed behind you. Confused you, decided to turn around see who was almost molesting you. The person grabbed your shoulders, not letting you turn.

"Where is your boy?" the person whispered, and you knew who it was.

You shrugged his hands off your shoulders, turned around and smiled up at Patrick. His own smile awakened the butterflies in your stomach.

"I thought you were a rapist or something," you said, punching his arm playfully. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

"Maybe I am," he laughed, picking up your duffel bag. "Here, I'll walk you over to the gate."

"Can I have an autograph?" the cashier yelled, and Patrick stopped for a second.

"Yeah, sure. Do you have a pen?" he asked.

The kid handed him a pen as he scribbled 'PS' down on a napkin, then handed it back to him. "Thanks! I love Fall Out Boy," he said.

Patrick smiled. "Thanks. See ya." He walked back over to you, throwing his other arm around your shoulder. He led you over to the gate where you saw everyone else standing, ready to leave.

"Gate F, first class now boarding," said a woman over the loudspeaker, and everyone that had a first class ticket stood from their chairs, walking over the doorway. You were one of the first people on; a man ripping your ticket before you made your way into the small hallway leading into the plane. Patrick was close behind you as you both headed inside the small pit for coach. You followed behind Courtney as she walked behind a small doorway, one of the flight attendants smiling and waving at you.

"Good morning and welcome to first class."

You smiled and Patrick nodded, and you then looked down at the sight in front of you. The rows were larger with huge plush seats and big windows.

"This is great!" you said, following Patrick over to two seats in the back next to a window. "I've never ever been in first class."

He smiled, grabbing your backpack and throwing it up with the rest of the bags in the overhead. "Have you even been to New York City?"

You shook your head. "Nope."

"Well then you get window. You're going to love it, trust me," he said, taking your hand and helping you to your seat.

You smiled, sitting down as he did the same next to you. "You're the greatest," you said, reaching over and kissing his cheek.

* * *

After coach was completely boarded, the plane set off and you were soon on your way to NYC. It would only be an hour flight, so you were more than excited. Patrick took out a deck of cards, pulling his tray down as a table in front of him.

"Wanna play something?" he asked.

You shook your head, leaning back in your seat. "I'm good. I'll watch."

"I'll play solitaire then," he said, setting out his game.

You pulled the book from your backpack. You had decided to read the sixth Harry Potter again. After a few minutes of reading, you felt Patrick nudge your arm. "Hmm?"

"What's that all about?" he asked, pointing towards the front.

You saw Courtney and Pete sitting next to each other. Courtney was mumbling softly to him. As she spoke, Pete's face became more flushed. You knew exactly what was going on.

"It's not really my story to tell," you said. You both watched them. Courtney grabbed Pete's hand quickly, trying to force a smile. Pete was staring into her eyes, a very hard look on his face. You realized that, in the time that you've known him, this was the first time that you'd ever seen him so serious. He then stood up quickly, throwing her hand away from his as he headed out of his seat and towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"What's going on?" Patrick asked, looking from the bathroom to you.

You saw Courtney hide her face in her hands, and you assumed she was crying. No one else in first class seemed to notice since she was being so quiet, but you still felt really bad for her.

Patrick touched your arm, grabbing your attention. "What happened?"

You looked back at him, trying your hardest not to cry yourself. "She's pregnant."

His mouth dropped as he stared at you, completely shocked. "She-what? Are you serious?"

You nodded slowly, looking back at her. Sam was now sitting in Pete's seat, holding Courtney as she cried silently on her shoulder.

"Should I go talk to him?" Patrick asked, unbuckling his seat belt and ready to jump up if you said so.

You sighed, grabbing his hand. "No, he needs to deal with this on his own."

He bit his lip, but then slowly nodded. He put his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His touch made you feel more calm, and you swallowed with difficulty. "Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"..now's a great time to kiss me."

He smiled slowly, looking down at you with the utmost adoration. He leaned forward and soon planted his soft lips on yours, your emotions running all through your body at once. You placed your hand behind his neck, entwining your fingers into his hair as he pulled away.

_Start the van and get me out of this one horse town._


	23. Chapter 23

**23: I've Got A Big Mouth; Maybe You Could Handle Shutting It Up**

Patrick pulled away slowly, staring you in the eyes. He had a serious look on his face, keeping you from smiling. "If anything ever happens to you, you'd tell me, right?" he asked.

You sat there in his arms, completely puzzled. "What're you talking about?"

"If anything ever happens to you, would you tell me?" he repeated. His eyes flashed intently at you, making you feel a bit uneasy.

"Patrick, of course I'd tell you. You're one of my best friends. Why? What's wrong?" you asked, completely confused.

He shook his head. "I don't know.. I'm not making any sense anymore. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, alright?"

"Alright," you said, nodding. _What was with his sudden change of attitude? I mean, I know there's that big situation with Courtney and Pete, but what is he trying to get at? _

The plane was set up high above the clouds that made the tiny towns and farmlands beneath you seem almost dreamlike. You sighed, taking a sip of your coffee then setting it back down as you picked up the magazine again. Nothing in it could take your mind off of what happened. You felt so bad for Courtney, and there was nothing you could do to make the situation better. Looking up, you saw that she was becoming calm again. Sam wiped away her tears with a tissue. You knew it would be a bad idea for you to get up and help comfort her; that would draw too much attention from the people around you, so you kept your place beside Patrick. After about ten minutes, the bathroom door suddenly opened and your eyes shot up to see a still flushed-looking Pete. He walked over to his seat as Sam quickly returned to her own place. Sitting down, he stared at Courtney for a moment. Without saying a word, he reached over and took her into his arms, rubbing her back softly as she breathed into his shoulder. You noticed that his knuckles on his right hand were a bit red, and you assumed that he had punched the wall while he was in the bathroom. You could tell that he was angry, but just completely confused with everything that had just happened. Now that he had some time to himself, he was determined to comfort Courtney, and this seemed to be working.

You looked over at Patrick who had a small grin on his face. He reached over and brushed a piece of hair that fell into your eyes.

"I guess they'll be okay. I knew Pete would come around," he said, looking back down at his cards.

You nodded in agreement as he turned back to his game of solitaire.

* * *

Soon after the plane landed, everyone unloaded with their bags in hand, ready to meet the taxis that were waiting for you outside. You ran with them through the JFK airport, your pajama pants flowing in a small breeze behind you. Once you reached the front doors, you all paused for a second as Joe came to a sudden halt in front of you.

"Alright, everyone, pull out the glasses!" he said.

You looked around, noticing all four of the guys as they each pulled out a pair of sunglasses that were in their pockets. You, Courtney, and Sam looked at each other, puzzled.

"They're for protection," Joe said with a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

Sam laughed. "Yeah, from the UV rays? Or from the hoards of fans following us?'"

"Shush woman! Follow me," Joe retorted, stepping out into the cold New York sidewalk.

You followed shortly behind, Patrick right at your side. You looked up at the large buildings surrounding you, the sounds of people and cars filling your ears as you smiled happily to yourself. You felt a kiss land on your neck as Patrick whispered in your ear. "Welcome to Manhattan." You looked up at him, the brilliant white sky in the background behind him. You felt a chill run down your arms, not from the snow that was falling, but from him. He grinned, taking your hand. "Come on. We have a taxi to grab." He led you over to the road where there were two taxis waiting. You walked over to Sam, Pete, and Courtney who were already starting to load their bags into the trunk. Patrick let go of your hand, taking a step away.

"I'll let you go with them and I'll meet you back at the hotel, alright?"

You nodded. "Okay."

Throwing your backpack down on the ground, Pete helped you lift it and your duffel bag into the trunk before he closed it.

"Alright, girlies," he said in a feminine voice, "let's do this thang!"

You laughed at him, shaking your head as you followed Sam into the backseat, Courtney stuffing in beside you and Pete on the other side of her. He heaved the door closed with a loud groan.

"God, we have fat asses," he said.

You looked up, noticing the driver, who happened to be Mexican, staring at the four of you with a very confused look on his face.

Courtney pinched Pete's leg. "Please tell the guy where the hell we're going."

"Ow! Damn, you're abusive," he said, rubbing the spot she pinched him. "Alright then, Mr. Juan Jalapeno, we'd like to get to the Mandarin Oriental, please." She pinched him again, making him jump in his seat.

Once you made it to the hotel, Pete handed the guy his money, and you all got out. After grabbing your bags, you walked inside the large, silver building that was set in front of you. You stepped into the large, circular lobby that was complete with a dark marble floor, bright yellow lights lining the wall, and white tiled ceiling. Completely taken aback by the luxury of the hotel, you followed everyone else to the front desk where you found Andy, Joe, and Patrick already getting their room keys.

"Do you guys care who rooms with who?" Andy asked.

You noticed Patrick staring at you intently, and you knew he was dying for you to say his name. You walked over and grabbed his arm. "Yeah, I've got Patty-cakes." He smiled brightly, handing you one of his room keys.

"Great, I've got Courtney, so you three can room together," Pete said pointing to Sam, Andy, and Joe. "So let's hit the elevators."

You followed Patrick into one of the black-marble elevators, and you set your bags down on the ground. He hit the button for the tenth floor, and the doors started to close automatically. The last image you saw was that of everyone else running into their own elevator. Looking down at your key, you read the room number. 1021. "Holy shit!" you said. "There are over a thousand rooms here. How much was it for you guys?" Floor 6.

He rocked back and forth on his feet, waiting for the elevator to reach your floor. "Oh, don't worry about it. It wasn't anything that hurt our checkbooks."

You shoved him playfully. "No, you _have_ to tell me or else I'll feel bad."

"And what'll you do if I don't tell you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

You bit your lip, staring at him as a devious look crossed his face. "You really think I can't worm it out of you?" He perked his head up, nodding slowly while trying to hide back his smile. Floor 8.

_You laughed off my affections_

_while I passed by your direction_.

"Fine then," you said, fanning your hair out of your eyes, trying to be intimidating. You waited a second before doing anything, Patrick glancing over at you every couple seconds, watching. Waiting_._ Right when he looked away, when he was least expecting it, you jumped and reached over, grabbing his hat and scaring the shit out of him.

"HOLY-WHAT THE-" He tried to grab it back from you, reaching as you leaned forward and turned away from him. "Alright, alright, give it back," he said, trying to cover his hat hair.

"Then tell me," you taunted. He sighed, not giving in. As he grasped around you again, trying to grab it, you shoved it down your shirt, turning around and smiling triumphantly. He, not really realizing what you did, started reaching over to grab it—just as the doors opened.

"What the hell is going on here?" said an unfamiliar voice.


	24. Chapter 24

**24: I Think I Want You In The Worst Way**

You peered out of the elevator, staring at the figure in front of you. The sunlight streaming in from the giant windows behind the person made it impossible to see more than their silhouette. Patrick took his hand away from your shirt, blushing after realizing what he almost did. You pulled out the hat, setting it on his head as he looked at the figure before you. After a second, he smiled and walked over, patting the man on the back.

"Dirty! You bitch! It's about time you got here. We expected you back in Mercer, but you never showed," Patrick said. He turned around, pulling you out of the elevator with him as you grabbed your bag.

You then got a better look at the man; he had dark eyes, curly black/brown hair, was average height, and had a very cheap mustache attached to his upper-lip. He was a bit pudgy, seeming to be a little bigger than Patrick, and was wearing a large black Clandestine 'batmond' hoodie that made him look somewhat larger, and baggy worn-in jeans what were in need of pulling up.

Patrick pulled you around in front of him, wrapping his arms around you. "This is Julie," he said, introducing you.

You smiled awkwardly. "Um, hello."

He stared at you for a moment, a sarcastic look on his face. "Oh, so now she's going to be shy after she just got man-handled in an elevator? Not that I minded watching," he said with a laugh. He gently punched Patrick on the shoulder, taking a step away. "I'll catch you guys later. I need to get downstairs."

Patrick noticed the odd look on his face. "Why?"

"Because," Dirty said bluntly, his eyes shifting side to side. "All I can say is that it has to deal with a vacuum and some cream puffs."

After receiving a few strange looks, Dirty turned back to the elevator and went on his way without saying another word. You picked up your bag and followed Patrick down the hallway, counting the numbers until you could find your room. Once you walked around for what seemed like forever, you found your room, the number gleamed in bright golden font on the door. Patrick reached in his pocket, grabbing the key, and then stuck it in the keyhole.

He bit his lip, turning around to look at you. "Ready to see one of the _best_ hotel rooms in the world?"

"Just open it," you giggled, taking a hold of his hand and pushing the door open.

Your eyes grew wide as took in the place that you'd be staying for the next week. There was a small hallway that led into a large, half-circular bedroom. On the walls was tan colored wallpaper, which matched the long, milk chocolate brown curtains that were along the long windows lining the entire curved wall. The bed was set against the other wall, full mirrors behind it. The bedspread was a soft white, complimented by the brown decorative pillows set upon it. With further looking, you noticed the plush chairs and desks set around the room. Absolutely stunned by the sight, you threw your bags down and hugged Patrick with great excitement.

"This is beautiful!" you squealed, then let go of him and ran over to the window. Pushing back the curtains so the windows were exposed, you peered down at the city below you. There were people walking down the sidewalk, minding their own business. Cars flew by in every direction in the view of Times Square. You sighed heavily, smiling to yourself, as you turned around to start unpacking. You picked your backpack up, setting it on the bed as you unzipped the front pouch to pull out your clothes. As you did this, you heard Patrick's voice coming from inside the bathroom.

"Julie! Come look in here."

You walked over to the bathroom, swinging the door completely open as you took another look around. This room, also, was completely gorgeous. The walls were tiled white around the large, sparkling white bathtub that was lined with gold and burgundy trimming to match the sink and counter. The floor was tiled with a white and black checkered pattern that led up to a small closet off to the side that was full of fluffy white robes.

"Oh my God!" you said, taking all of it in. "I cannot believe we're staying _here_."

He smiled, "Believe it."

* * *

Once you were done unpacking, you both made your way downstairs so you could meet everyone else and figure out what was going on that day. You entered the lobby where you found everyone else standing by the main doors. You noticed two other people, a girl and guy, who were talking to Joe. You looked up at Patrick and he seemed to know exactly what you were thinking, so he took your hand and walked you over to them.

"Oh, here they are!" Joe said, noticing the both of you walking towards him. "Just the girl we wanted to see. This is Julie, my project."

"Student, not project, thanks," you said, glaring at him.

The girl smiled at you, reaching her hand out. "I'm Kate, and this is Chris."

You smiled also, shaking her hand and nodding at Chris. "Nice to meet you guys."

"Great!" Pete said, clapping his hands together. "Finally! Alright, now we can go."

"We're we going?" Patrick asked.

"The fucking HUGE Toys-R-Us in Times Square!" Joe said, starting to step out of the door. Pete jumped out the door after him. Everyone else followed in line behind them, you and Patrick at the end. You stared up at the large buildings as you walked down the sidewalk, Patrick at your side. The smells of hotdogs and newspapers filled your nose as you smiled sweetly to yourself.

"So, how do you know Kate, Chris, and Dirty?" you asked Patrick once everyone else was further ahead and out of earshot.

"Well," he said, "We've known them for quite a long time. We met Chris and Dirty once the band started to hit it off waaaay back when we were playing $5 shows in Chicago. Chris has been dating Kate for a while too, so that's how we know her. It's pretty simple."

You nodded slowly, but then a confused look came across your face. "His name isn't _really_ Dirty, is it?"

"No, it's not," he said, laughing.

"Then what is it?"

He went silent for a moment, thinking to himself. "You know what? I'm not really sure. That's a good question."

Once you made it to the center of Times Square, the ten of you ran across the busy street, dodging fast-moving cars as you made your way to the front of the Toys-R-Us store.

_Guess Joe wasn't kidding when he said it was _huge_…_You stepped inside and the very first thing you noticed was the Ferris wheel, (_yes_, Ferris wheel,) that was lit up by many lights. Kids were running everywhere, screaming and begging their parents to let them ride it. Peering around, you stared blankly at the largest toy store that you had ever been in.

"Julie! Move your ass!" Sam yelled, catching your attention.

You looked up to notice that everyone else was already getting on the escalator to the second floor. You ran over, squeezing between the crowds, and grabbed a spot right behind Sam and Andy.

"Sorry," you mumbled, a bit out of breath from the struggle.

"It's fine, we just didn't want you to get kidnapped," Sam said. She looked away, staring at the Ferris wheel over to the right.

You looked up at Andy who happened to be fixated on something. You thought he was looking at the Ferris wheel also, but after a few seconds you realized he was staring at Sam. Smiling, you poked him on the side. He looked down at you, completely dazed. "Wha-?" You nudged towards Sam, lifting your eyebrows suggestively. _Is it possible that Andy has a thing for her?_ He looked at you like you'd lost your mind, but then looked away. You laughed silently to yourself. _Yeah, yeah, I'll squeeze it out of you later, Andy. Just wait._

Once you reached the top, you planted your feet on the plush red carpet and peered around for everyone else. You saw Joe and Dirty standing in the center of the Star Wars section, lightsabers in their hands. They started slapping each with them.

Joe laughed maniacally. " Dude! I just chopped your arm off!"

Dirty yelled back, "The fuck you did!"

You laughed, walking over towards them. You took a step back, keeping your distance so they wouldn't hit you too.

"Hey guys, where's Patrick?" you asked. They ignored you, still smacking each other insanely.

"Put the saber down, bitch!" Dirty commanded

"Guys," you tried again to get their attention.

"I'm your fucking father, don't talk to me that way!" Joe shouted back to Dirty.

"Guys.."

"Oh, bite me! At least I don't need a respirator you douche bag."

"_Hey guys_!" They both jumped, lowering their lightsabers and staring at you innocently. "Where's Patrick?" Joe pouted his lip as Dirty pointed in the other direction. "Thanks," you mumbled. "Now you can go back to killing each other." You walked away towards the direction Dirty pointed which so happened to be the section that was full of Care Bears. Wondering why the hell Patrick would be over here, you walked up and down some of the aisles. Small kids sprinted past you in every direction with a toy in their hands. Once you reached the large pile of stuffed animals, you stopped for a moment to look around. You heard a strange giggling noise coming from the pile. Completely confused, you reached down and lifted the massive 'Love' Care Bear that was lying on the top. Once you removed it, you exposed a sight of Pete on top of a giggling Courtney, their mouths attacking each other. Scowling, you replaced the bear, covering them again.

"God, guys! There's kids running around," you whispered, trying to hide them from the other customers.

You heard Pete yell, "_Peter Panda pounce_!" The mound of bears jumped up in the air, falling down on them again.

Laughing and shaking your head at them, you asked, "Do you guys have any idea where Patrick is?" Only giggles answered your question. You gave up on them and decided to go through the store and search for him yourself.

_In the movie of my life; starring you, instead of me._


	25. Chapter 25

**25: Aching World**

Turning on your heel, you headed in the opposite direction and towards another set of escalators thinking that he might have went up a floor to satisfy his curiosity. You took your place behind a large group of people and headed up to the packed third floor. Once upstairs, you squeezed past as many people as you could, your eyes darting in every direction. Looking straight ahead at an aisle of books, you thought you saw his 'I BINGO' hat bobbing between the crowd of other customers. You smiled in triumph, pushing your way through to catch up to him. Once you reached the end of the aisle, you had lost track of him. You turned in another circle to get a glimpse of where he went. After a minute or so, you gave up, assuming he probably went back downstairs. You walked back to the edge of the floor beside the escalators, leaning against the railing as you looked down at the many faces below you. Sighing, you leaned your cheek against the palm of your hand. _There's no way I could live in a city like this for my entire life.__Too many people and too many faces…but I love visiting so far!_

"I want it! Daddy, _please_!" whined a little boy behind you in the Lego section.

"Well, you have to decide between the Dino-Land or the battleship. You can't get both. Now come back an aisle, we have to help your sister." You rolled your eyes as the boy began to cry loudly. _Oh, the joy of kids._

"_Daddy_! Come back! I can't reach it-AGHH!" You heard a few boxes fall as the boy began to cry even louder. Feeling a little bad for him, you turned around to help him. But as soon as you spun around, you already saw someone reaching up and grabbing the box for the kid. It was Patrick.

"Here ya go," he said, handing the box to the boy. "Dino-Land used to be my favorite too."

The boy wiped away a tear on his face, nodding to Patrick. "Thanks mister." You smiled to yourself as you watched. For some reason, seeing this side of him made him seem more adorable to you. Patrick nodded at the kid as he looked up slowly, noticing you staring at him. He stepped out of the aisle and walked towards you. His hands dug deep into his jean pockets. "Well hello there, ma'am."

"Hello, sir," you said, your palms on the railing as you leaned against it. "I see you've done your heroic deed of the day."

He walked up beside you, leaning forward on the railing so he could peer down. You turned yourself around to do the same. "I can't stand to hear a kid cry."

"I guess you can say you're a superhero," you said, smiling.

He laughed. "Yeah, well, whatever. It's not that big of a deal."

"You did his dad a favor too," you said. "He seemed aggravated enough. If I were him I wouldn't have gotten him anything for crying like that."

"Yeah. But all kids cry. That's kind of a given."

"That's the one thing about kids that drive me nuts though. They lack too much common sense," you said.

He nodded. "Yeah, but that's the good thing about kids. They're so innocent and don't have a care in the world." He turned his head, staring at you for a few seconds.

You looked back at him, noticing his gaze. "What?"

He grinned slowly, looking away. "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking.."

"About what?"

He stared at you again for a moment, deep in thought. He opened his mouth to say something. "Guys! Get your asses down here. We're going out to eat!" Dirty interrupted, yelling up the escalator from where he and the rest of the group were standing.

Patrick sighed heavily, grabbing your hand. "Alright, alright, we're coming."

* * *

You headed down a crowded sidewalk, the group in front of you and Patrick by your side. Your eyes wandered around at the many unusual sights of New York City.

"You're going to like this restaurant," Patrick said, watching you look around.

"What's it called?"

"It's called L'Absinthe. French, if you didn't notice."

You stared at him, a bit surprised. "We're going to a French restaurant?"

"I'm guessing you've never been to one?" he asked.

You shook your head. "The closest thing I got to was the food days in our French class at school."

"Well you'll love it. It's my favorite place in Manhattan."

You continued walking for a few more minutes until you reached a large sign beside the street that read "L'Absinthe" in large, fancy black letters. Courtney turned around, smiling madly.

"Holy shit, we're eating French!" she said, grabbing your hand.

She pulled you up with her, Patrick behind you, as you all piled into the petite building. Once inside, you took in the view of the most gorgeous restaurant you'd ever been in. The carpet was a soft blue color, the walls a dark marble, and the ceiling was high and lined with small, crystal chandeliers. Courtney squeezed your hand in excitement.

"We'd never get this in Mercer."

You smiled, turning around at Patrick and biting your lip in approval. He returned the smile, nodding.

"May I help you?"

Looking back, you saw a tall man who was dressed in a black suit with a stack of menus in his hands.

"Yes, we have a reservation for a party of ten," Pete tried saying in a terrible French accent.

"Name?" the man asked, obviously not amused. You noticed that he had a slight French accent also.

"Wentz."

He looked down at a list on the stand in front of him, running his finger along it. "Ah, oui. This way."

You followed him to the back of the restaurant, pushing past tables full of glaring people, as you made it to a room with one large, rectangular table that had an elaborate white tablecloth covered with sparkling silverware and clear, detailed glasses full of water.

"Have a seat, and we'll be with you in a short moment," he said, handing out the menus.

You took a seat on the plush, black chair near the center. Courtney sat on one side of you, Pete on her other side. "Told you you'd like it," Patrick whispered in your ear as he sat down on the other side of you.

You reached out, grabbing the glass that was set in front of you. "And good thing they have water because I'm dying," you said, sipping the cool liquid.

You watched as Andy took a seat right across from you, looking down at the table. Sam was heading toward the other end of the table and you knew he wanted her to sit next to him. It was easy to tell he liked her; he was always staring at her. You kicked him hard on the shin, making him jump in his seat.

"What the hell?"

You glared at him from behind your cup, making your eyes dart suggestively over at Sam. He gave you a confused look and you rolled your eyes at him, setting your glass down.

"Sam, sit next to Andy," you said, pointing at the empty seat. She turned around quickly, looking at you for a moment, then headed over to the seat. As she sat down, Andy looked away from her and continued staring down at the table.

"God this place is great," Sam said absentmindedly, pulling her chair up closer to the table.

You kicked Andy again and he made a distorted face at you. You darted your eyes at Sam again, trying to get him to talk to her. He sighed heavily, giving in. "Um, yeah, it's great." He looked at you, dying to figure out what to say to her. You picked up your menu, nodding at it. He nodded back at you, picking up his menu. "What d'you think you'll get?" he asked her, flipping through the lists of food.

"Maybe if I knew how the hell to pronounce this stuff," she said, looking down at her menu.

He smiled slightly. "I'll help you.."

Patrick looked down at you, knowing exactly what you were doing. You grinned at him in satisfaction as Andy and Sam continued their bullshit conversation.

* * *

Later that night, you and Patrick left early to get to the hotel. Everyone else stayed afterwards for a bit, enjoying the French wine and Dirty's drunk story of how he tried vacuuming up some cream puffs, making the bag in it explode and almost getting kicked out of the hotel. In other words, you both were ready to go back.

The sun was already set, the chilly air beginning its nightly cruise around the city.

"You're bad," Patrick said jokingly, shoving his hands in his pockets as the two of you walked along.

"_I'm_ bad?" you asked. "How am I bad?"

"You, missy, are trying to get your friends to fall for each other."

You looked at him, puzzled. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"First Courtney and Pete, and now Andy and Sam."

"Courtney and Pete got at each other on their own. I had no part in that," you said. "And besides, I can tell that Andy likes Sam. It's pretty evident."

"How is it evident?" he asked, kicking a rock with his feet as he walked.

"Well," you started, "he always stares at her."

"So?" Patrick said. "I always stared at you before and you never noticed."

You punched him on the arm playfully. "Yes I did, shut up."

"No you didn't," he said. "I've been staring at you since the first moment I saw you with Joe, piggy socks and all."

You laughed. "Those piggy socks were pretty damn sexy, huh?"

"Ohhh yeah," he said sarcastically. "Big turn on. Animals on girl's feet that resemble me."

You punched him again, only less playfully. "Shut _up_! You're not a pig, Patrick. You're not and you know it, so watch your mouth before I kick your ass." He stopped walking for a second, smiling to himself. Noticing this, you stopped too, looking at him curiously. "What?" you asked. He continued smiling, not saying anything. "What?" you asked again, taking a step closer to him and staring in his eyes.

"I was just thinking again," he said.

"About what?"

He sighed, looking back at you. "I was thinking about Pete and Courtney's baby."

You smiled, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't say anything else, you shook your head slowly. "And?"

"I have a feeling this kid is going to do more for me than it'll ever know."

You stared at him, completely confused by what he said. "What do you mean?"

He sighed again, letting his thoughts float away. "I just want you to know that I'd do anything for you."

You nodded, smiling. "Yeah, I know."

"No," he said. "I'm serious. I'd do anything for you."

_Conversations with the wind._

Your smiled faded as you stared at him. His eyes were piercing down at you, glowing a bright blue from the reflections of the streetlights. The look on his face told you that he was hanging on the edge for your words. He leaned down slowly, his lips grazing against yours. His kiss was warm against the cold city air that swirled with his breath as it brushed against your pink cheeks. You smiled against his touch, a strange feeling of excitement boiling in your stomach that made your feelings uncontrollable. He pulled away slowly, his eyes not leaving you. People rushed by subconsciously all around you, and for one moment you felt like you were in your own world.

_Put your hand between my aching head_

_and an aching world._

_We'll make them so jealous._

_We'll make them so jealous__._


	26. Chapter 26

**26: An Orgy of Critics**

_This is our last goodbye_

Once you and Patrick made it back to the hotel, you decided you wanted to take a shower. As soon as he unlocked the door, you ran over to the dresser where you had unpacked your clothes. After grabbing a pair of pajama pants and your red Paramore shirt, you headed straight towards the bathroom in a rush.

"Someone's in a hurry," Patrick said just as you closed the door.

"When it's my shower time, _it's my shower time._"

You walked over to the shower and turned on the water. You then started to undress, throwing your dirty clothes down on the ground next to your clean ones you just grabbed. After a minute or so of waiting, you jumped in and pulled the red shower curtain closed. The warm water fell onto you, caressing your cold skin as you shivered from its touch. Sighing, you stood there for a moment as you enjoyed the feeling of relaxation come over you. You slowly closed your eyes, breathing in the deep steam that was rising all around your body.

_In our darkest hour I lay my hands down by your side_

_The warmth of your skin gives me chills to what we'll leave behind_

You leaned against the wall of the shower under the showerhead. After a few minutes of listening to the rhythmic pounding of the water, you pushed yourself away from the wall, eyes still closed. You felt the gentle caress of familiar hands wrapping around your bare waist, pulling you to the person. They whispered, "I'm always here for you," then kissed your neck. You leaned your head back onto their shoulder.

_This is our last kiss_

_I will miss everything_

Another gentle kiss sent shivers over your body and your heart began to pound in your chest.

_My hearts racing please wake me up from this nightmare_

_Wake up from your sleep_

"Patrick." His name hardly sounded from your lips.

You shot back into consciousness, your eyes snapping open. Reality grasped you and you realized you had fallen asleep. The water was now beginning to feel cold and you looked down at your fingertips to see the wrinkles starting to form. _How long have I been in here? _You turned the shower off, reaching around the shower curtain to grab a towel. You wiped your face, the soft fabric soothing your skin, and you then wrapped it around your body. Stepping out of the tub, you planted your feet on the small red rug and looked toward the spot on the floor where you put your clothes. They had disappeared. The floor was completely bare. Confused, you walked towards the door, wrapped a fluffy white towel around your body, and peaked your head out.

"Um, Patrick?"

You could see him lying back on the bed in his pajamas, his eyes on the television screen and a black remote in his hand. He turned to you quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Do you happen to know where my clothes went?"

You heard a muffled giggle followed by a "Shh!"

You knew who it was. "_Joe Trohman_ and _Peter Wentz_, give me my damn clothes back," you said, charging into the room.

Joe poked his head out from the other side of the bed that was closer to the windows and where he was hiding, a sheepish smile on his face. "What?"

You rolled your eyes at him, trying your hardest not to pummel him. "What are you doing down there?"

He stared at you for a moment, thinking, and then looked down. "Um.. Oh! Patrick, I found your nickel!"

Patrick giggled, looking over at him. "Oh, thanks. I've, um…been looking for that."

You sighed heavily. "Fine then, I'll get some other clothes."

You walked over to the dresser and yanked open the drawer. All of your clothes were missing. You heard a rupture of laughter come from behind you. "Alright, what the Hell are you guys doing?" you asked, turning around to face them. "And why the hell is Pete still kneeling behind the bed?"

Pete popped his head up too, smiling at you. "Ohhh, nothing. I was just…cleaning."

"Okay guys, I want my clothes please and thank you," you demanded, getting a bit impatient.

The three of them stared at each other for a moment, then suddenly jumped to their feet. Throwing the bed comforter over, they revealed large black garbage bags that you assumed were full of your clothing. Each taking one in their hands, they ran to the door with you stumbling behind them.

"Wait!" you yelled as they opened the door, running out into the hallway.

They made their way to the door that lead to the staircase then opened it and made their way upstairs. You ran after them, swinging the door open and noticing that they were way ahead of you. Looking up at the level that was a flight above you, you saw Sam, Andy, and Chris staring blankly at the scene progressing in front of them.

"What's this all about?" Sam asked, pointing up at the guys as they ran further and further upstairs.

You growled under your breath, making your way towards them as you held onto your towel tightly. "They took my clothes!"

Andy laughed. "That explains the bags."

You nodded, strolling past them and jogging up the next flight.

"I wonder where they're going with them?" Chris asked, calling after you as they followed in tail.

You stared up, noticing that they were almost to the very top. _Oh shit. The roof._

_I need painkillers just to be with you._


	27. Chapter 27

**27: I Choose the Music**

You heaved open the heavy door that led onto the roof, panting from the many flights of stairs you had just climbed. You were standing on what was considered the roof. Above you was a ceiling of domed glass, protecting you from the falling snow. You could feel a warm breeze pass around your body, and you looked around a giant lit bush to see a large rectangular pool. The underwater lights shimmered off the tile walls and up to the water's surface. The water made sparkling patterns on the glass walls. You looked around and noticed that there was no one in sight. The door behind you gave a loud creak, and you spun around to see Chris, Andy, and Sam enter the room, the same puzzled looks on their faces.

"Where'd they go?" Andy asked, looking around quickly.

You took a few steps towards the pool, twisting a piece of your hair around your finger as you thought quickly. "I'm not really sure."

"Are you positive that they came up here?" Chris asked.

"Well duh," you said. "I followed them up here."

You paused for a second, hearing quick footsteps outside in the stair well. The four of you looked at one another, listening.

"That's definitely Joe," Andy said. "I would recognize that giggle anywhere."

Chris ran over to the door, peering down. "It's him. We'll go catch him," he said as he and Andy ran out of the room.

"And I'm going to get my bathing suit. There's no chlorine in this pool, so I'm taking advantage of it," Sam said, following them out. You shook your head, looking back at the pool. _Why am I friends with these people?_

The lights casting off of the water caught your attention, and you stared at them for a few moments. A calm feeling came over you as you became hypnotized, not wanting to move for the world. After a few moments, you heard another noise come from behind you. Hoping it wasn't some other random person staying in the hotel and not wanting them to see you standing there by yourself in a towel, you ran behind a large potted plant that was in the corner.

"Oh my God!" Laughter. "Oh man."

It was Pete who came bursting in through the door. In his hand, though, was the arm of the girl that you just met that day: Chris' girlfriend Kate. He dragged her into the room, laughing with one of the garbage bags in his other hand.

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

"Shhh," he said, making her quiet by quickly putting his finger to her lips. _Why the hell is he with her?_ Pete stopped for a second, listening intently to the noises of someone coming up the staircase. "Alright," he whispered, leaning close to her. "Follow me." He kept a hold of her arm and pulled her through the room and to a door at the other end. _...and where are they going?_

You felt yourself get a little uncomfortable, watching them as they left. You knew that Pete really cared about Courtney, but you were a little confused as to how close he was acting with that girl. You soon shrugged it off, not really wanting to take too much notice. You stepped out from behind the plant and went back to the pool. You wondered, for a second, if you should've had Sam grab your bathing suit. The water felt warm as you dipped your toes down into the pool.

"Julie-"

You felt someone grab your shoulders, causing you to lose your balance. You turned around quickly, taking hold of the jacket of whoever this person was while holding onto your towel tightly. _Oh _please_, Jesus, don't let my towel fall off right now._ You screamed as you both fell backwards, splashing into the water.

Opening your eyes underwater, you saw Patrick who was still holding onto you desperately. You glided back up. "What the hell?" you said, looking at him as he slowly let go of you.

"I didn't realize you were that close to the pool-HOLY SHIT I can't swim," he said, almost out of breath.

You stared at him, wiping the droplets of water away from your eyes. His blue eyes seemed to glow from the water, and you couldn't help but to smile at how cute he looked. His wet hair fell into pieces around his face, his hat floating around next to him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, grabbing it and putting it back on his head. "I seriously had no idea you'd fall-"

"It's fine," you interrupted, smiling at him. "I was just hoping to God that my towel didn't fall off.

He looked down at you, just realizing you were only wearing the towel still.

_You always want what you can't have._

Suddenly the door burst open as the rest of the group came scrambling in wearing their bathing suits, staring at the both of you. Pete was even there, standing next to Courtney with a big green inner tube around his arm and goggles around his head; Kate was the only one who wasn't there. You saw Sam standing there, holding a blue suit with a black Clandestine bat on it, which you assumed was yours.

"Did we come at a bad time?" she said, looking down at Patrick who, although he was only examining the fact that you were wearing a towel, appeared to be staring at your chest. He looked up, just realizing this, blushing.

"Shut the hell up," Pete yelled, running over and jumping into the pool, throwing his inner tube around Patrick's head.


	28. Chapter 28

**28: I Choose the Misery**

* One week later, New Year's Eve. *

_You have a jump in your step,_

_but a rip in your, a rip in your rep__._

You sat on a high black metal stool with a small, round coffee table set out before you. You remembered seeing an amazing Starbucks down the street from the hotel, so you decided to check it out while everyone else was busy that day. Patrick left to go help out with some last minute scheduling for the show at TRL later that night. Pete and Courtney were stuck back at the hotel since they waited until the last minute to pack for Los Angeles. You were all leaving early the next morning to make time for the shooting of FOB's next video. Sam and Andy left for the day saying they wanted to spend as much time a possible in Central Park. They said they were both extremely interested in plants, but it was obvious that they wanted to be alone. Joe and Dirty felt lonely, so they called in a limo and went out to do who knows what. Yeah, scary thought. So there you were, wrapped in one of Patrick's sweaters with a TV above your head, sitting next to glass window with a view of the sidewalk and street. Knowing that you'd be completely bored stiff by yourself, you brought a pen and notebook paper along with you. You started off drawing a few doodles around the edges, not paying any attention as to what you were doing.  

"…And hopefully the pregnancy continues to be healthy and successful. It seems that little Britney is all grown up." You peered up at the TV screen, the news story on E! catching your attention. It was crazy how the world was starting to surround you everywhere. It seemed that the role of being an adult was starting to overwhelm you. Everyone was growing older in the blink of an eye, even including yourself. Between shooting this MTV show, getting ready for graduation, and dealing with Courtney's pregnancy, you were starting to feel like the real world was sucking you in without warning. Soon you would be in college, getting a decent job, moving out on your own, getting married, having kids, getting wrinkles, and dying in a hospital bed with or without your consent. Time was running past you, your teenage years almost at an end. Maybe it was just senioritis. Or maybe you just needed to stop thinking so much. Your pen started moving on the paper and you weren't totally conscious of what you were writing.

Dear whoever is willing to read,

Where do I start? I guess I should tell you a short summary about myself so you won't be entirely confused. I'm Julie. I grew up in one of the worst towns imaginable called Mercer, in one of the worst states called Pennsylvania. Sure, it was great when I was a kid. I could go into town and do whatever, talk to whoever…But now, being a senior in high school, it's terrible. It's not real. It's a fake town. Everyone smiles on the outside and keeps on walking, praying to God that no one notices how completely unhappy they are. You see, in a small town, everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everyone's lives. You can never keep a personal life, and even if you can, it's not a _real_ life. Take this one woman, for instance. Her name was Lisa. Picture her in her mid-forties, average weight, and pretty good looking for her age. She works at the local bank, buys groceries in the same supermarket as my mom, and takes really good care of her house. Seems perfect, right? Well at home, every night after sundown, she cleans the dishes with the same sunglasses on that she wears all day. And no matter how many times she tries to go to bed early, he still gets home beforehand, fist-in-face.

Of course everyone knows. Even the overweight women at church talk about her behind her back. When I was little and I went out to get a drink from the water fountain during one morning sermon, I remember them snickering in their corner, saying she deserves it because of the affair they claimed that she was having with a co-worker. A week later she turns up dead at home, sixteen blows to her temple and yet she still has her apron on. Funny, right? This woman busts her ass off her entire life, wanting something like every young woman would ever want: a good education, reputation, job, and a husband. She ends up with only two of those things. That's not the funny thing, though. Even after her funeral, her so called "friends" still gossiped about her. 

Am I wrong to not want a life like that? I don't want to live in a place where I know every person. I don't want to know everyone's life story, good or bad. And I don't want them to know mine. I'm almost done with high school, and I'm _going_ to go to college. I don't want to know that my entire childhood and teenage/mid-twenties will be wasted by only living in a small town with a small job and a small self-esteem. Am I wrong to want a bigger life? I want to be somewhere big someday. I want people to know my name, but not know every single detail about me. And when _I_ die, I still want to be remembered as that girl who has morals and actually went somewhere in life. I don't care how I do it, just as long as I'm there someday. And I think every woman should think this way. We're too strong to be left behind in a place where your flaws are the only things that matter.  

You set your pen down, re-reading this strange letter that you started. You had no idea where these feelings came from, but you were surprised at yourself for writing them down. Then a question popped into your mind..._Who're you writing this to?_

* * *

"I'll go grab us some drinks. The ball's going to drop in a few minutes."  You stood out on the cold roof of some hotel on the Square, people and strangers surrounding you in every direction. The guys from All American Rejects, who sang with Fall Out Boy that night for the Big In '05 event at MTV, invited you all to join a party at their hotel to celebrate one of the best seasonal events in New York City: the ball drop.

Patrick soon came back, two plastic cups full of soda in his hands. You could tell his wasn't all completely full of soda. "Oh, so I don't get any spiked Coke?" you asked, pretending to frown.  

He shook his head at you, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm of age, sweetie."  

"Well no one would know," you joked. "I could pass as 21, couldn't I?"  

"You're not getting wasted. And I don't want to see you get wasted either. Sorry, but I'm not a date-rape kind of guy," he added, smiling.  

You were also flattered that Patrick was looking out for you. You giggled a little, Patrick still watching you. "You don't have to be so serious, you know. I've never felt the need to drink." His smile relaxed a little as people started the countdown.  

"11!"  Your eyes darted up to the large glass ball that was hanging over the Square. "10! 9!"  You and Patrick both joined in, everyone in the time zone yelling out in excitement.  "5! 4! 3! 2! 1!"  

Patrick grabbed you by the arm, leaning in close to your ear. "Bunny, bunny." 

_Any everybody knows it, so be sure to be proud._

_And don't forget you aren't allowed to brag, to brag about how_

_I just gave myself the shivers_

_& that's what you get when you think about her._

_And I just gave myself the shivers_

_And that's what you get, that's what you get._

_With that facade, you can do no wrong._

_Many will enter, but few will win_

_So please be sure to read the fine print._

 _Because, let's face it, one on one is more fun anyway._


	29. Chapter 29

**29: Sweet Tide**

"Gate 2A is now boarding. Attention passengers, Gate 2A is now boarding."  

"Pete, hurry up!" you yelled impatiently, leaning against the wall beside the entrance to the men's restroom at the airport. Everyone else decided they wanted to leave and get food while Pete whined about how he needed to go to the bathroom. Since you weren't too hungry, you agreed to show him where they were. Bad idea. Ten minutes later and he was still in there, taking his sweet time. You sighed heavily. "Pete! Our flight's boarding and we need to _go_!"  

"I'm still washing my hands," he said triumphantly.  

"All passengers to Los Angeles, your plane is now boarding." You noticed the others all standing at the gate, waiting in line. Joe peered over at you, waving for you to come, but you pointed to the bathroom, an aggravated look on your face. He picked up his bag and ran over to you.  

"What's going on?" he asked. "Is he still in there?"  

You nodded. "Yes, he's been washing his hands for the past ten minutes now!"  

Joe rolled his eyes. "He always does this. He's really psycho about public bathrooms."  

"That's ironic," you said, "seeing as that's the same guy who drank his own pee."  

"I'll just be a second!" Pete yelled. He then started to hum to himself as he continued, ignoring the fact that he was making the three of you late.  

"Ugh! Pete, come _on_. It's not like you were touching anything else in there!" you yelled back just as a man and his son stepped passed you to go into the restroom. The man gave you a strange look and covered his son's ears as they went in, making Joe laugh at you.  

"Here, you can go back. I'll go in and get him," he said, just as Pete appeared through the swinging door.  

"Miss me?"  

You elbowed Pete in the stomach, giving him a stern look. "Let's go, everyone else is already on the plane." You started walking towards the gate as you heard a strange ripping sound from behind you. Confused, you turned around.  

"Uh, Joe? What the fuck?" Pete asked. You saw Joe's bag ripped open, three bright golden-colored lamps sprawling out onto the floor. You recognized those from the hotel.  

"Joe?" He stared straight ahead, his eyes wide open. For some reason, he reminded you of Peter Griffin from Family Guy.  

"Shut up. I'm Jewish, so I can steal if I want," he said.  

You stared at him, rolling your eyes. "Alright, then. Just pick them up- we need to go." He picked up his bag in his hands just as Pete came running past you.  

"I'll beat you there!" Pete yelled, leaping over a row of seats and rushing to the lady behind the desk at the gate. After having your tickets scanned, the three of you boarded onto the plane. This time, all of your seats were set up in the same section near the back, so you headed to the empty seat between Patrick, who was by the window, and Dirty, who was by the aisle.  

"I already put your bag overhead," Patrick said, smiling at you as you sat down. You smiled back at him, putting on your seat belt. As the plane started moving down the runway and the instructional video started playing on the TVs, Pete stood up in his seat in excitement.  

"We're going to Hollywood! We're gonna make a music video!"  

"Sir," a flight attendant started. Pete cheered. "Excuse me, sir!" Pete started dancing while chanting about the video. Two flight attendants, a man and a woman, tugged on Pete's arm and forced him to sit back down.

The man sighed. "Thank you, sir. Please keep in your seat until the seat belt lights are turned off."  

Pete stood back up and the flight attendant was about to command him to sit again. Courtney yanked on his sleeve furiously. "Pete, sit the hell down, dipshit!" He did as she told him and she buckled his seatbelt before he could stand again. She looked back up at the man. "Sorry about that."  

"Nice going," Dirty said, kicking the back of Pete's chair. "There goes our free peanuts."       

After you landed and had a quick lunch, you headed towards where you all would be staying. It seemed that the choreographer of the music video had an extra house out on the beach that you could stay in, so of course you were all thrilled. It was easier too because the roof was flat and that was where the guys would be practicing their moves so they wouldn't have to leave. But moves for what? You had no idea. All Patrick told you was that it had to do with crazy kung fu and vampires.

 "I wanna go out somewhere," Joe said. "I already feel cramped in here."  

By the time the sun had already fallen behind the dark western sky, you were all finally unpacked. Even though there was only one large bedroom and everyone was confused at first as to who would get it, the argument was soon over-powered. The girls would get the bedroom and the boys would have to sleep in the living room.  

"I second that," Sam said, leaning on the counter in the kitchen.

Dirty nodded in agreement. "We should go to a club. LA's parties are fucking crazy as shit around this time of year."  

"You guys go ahead," you said. "I wanna check out the beach. I love the beach when it's nighttime."  

"Well that knocks Patrick off the list too," Dirty said. "What about you three?" He asked, looking at Andy, Pete, and Courtney.  

"I have nothing better to do," Andy said, standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets.  

"I would," Courtney said, "but us pregnant ones aren't allowed to drink, so that'll be no fun. I'll go to the beach with Julie." 

"Aaaand there goes Pete too. Oh well, you hoe muffins have fun then," Dirty said with a smirk.       

The cold sand underneath your feet made you shiver. A wide smile spread on your lips. Courtney and Pete came running past you, hand in hand, and continued until they crashed into an upcoming wave. Patrick was still inside; he said he was having trouble finding his trunks. So you took a seat right at the end of the tide, letting the small blanket of water slowly roll it's way up and around your legs, tickling at your skin. You breathed in the fresh salt air, leaning back on your elbows as you looked up at the water. The ocean always filled your mind with so much wonder. It was crazy to think that there are millions of miles of water stretched out in front of you, leading to some other place where things and people were completely different. Almost like when you stare up at the sky at night, seeing an eyeful of stars and thinking to yourself that each bright light that you see is another world. It makes you feel small, yet part of something much greater. It makes you feel that, even though you are an individual, you're still another face in the crowd. You're still another dot in an eyeful of stars. You're still just another girl with her toes in the edge of an ocean, thinking about her life. And you were completely content with yourself.

Your thoughts were quickly ended by Pete and Courtney's loud laughter. You remembered how earlier that day you told her of what you saw at the pool with Pete and Kate. She shrugged it off, not really thinking much of it. _Guess it wasn't really that big of a deal._ Your eyes quickly drifted down to the two of them who were now waist-deep into the water, the waves crashing down on their heads. Pete was trying to coax her to come out further, but she'd turn her back, covering her head from the falling water. Laughing, he took her hand, throwing it over his shoulder as he picked her up in his arms and carried her out further. She wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around him, holding him as close to her as she could. You smiled to yourself. You couldn't really remember the last time you saw that look on her face. She seemed so unbelievably happy, not a care in the world as she clung tightly to Pete. _It must be true that a bond between two people can bring the best out of someone._ Even though she was still in high school and pregnant with a guy that she'd only known for a short time, everything seemed perfect for her. And Pete seemed like he couldn't be any happier either. Yes, he could act like a dumbass every once in a while, but the passion inside of him was completely evident. You just needed to know how to find it in him. There seemed to be only three things that showed it: Courtney, his music, and soon to be his baby.  

You jumped suddenly, again pulled from your thoughts as you felt a hand on your shoulder. Patrick quickly took a seat next to you, looking up at the ocean. "Pretty, isn't it?" he said, grinning.  

You nodded. "Yeah. It's the first time I've ever touched the Pacific Ocean."  You looked at him, noticing that he was wearing a black shirt along with his trunks. "Patrick, why're you wearing a shirt? It's the beach."  

He looked down for a second, putting his hand on his stomach. "I-uhm.. Well, I thought it would be cold.. And stuff."  

Your heart fell. "Patrick." You grabbed his hand. "Patrick, look at me." He bit his lip, looking down at you. You placed a hand along his cheek, rubbing your thumb against his face. "I could care less what size you are. I think you're perfect. Body builders are just fucking annoying, and guys that can fit into my clothes make me want to shove a double cheeseburger down their throats."  

He laughed, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer. "See, that's why I like you, Julie. Whenever I'm nervous and sweating my ass off, you always seem to make me smile." He kissed your forehead, and you looked back at the ocean.  

"So what's going on tomorrow? Are you guys going to practice?" you asked.  

"Well," he said, "MTV is sending some more cameras out so they can shoot an episode of Making the Video." You looked over to the side, noticing one of the camera guys eagerly taping you and Patrick. You rolled your eyes. _I almost forgot that those guys were even there_. "I guess Joe signed us up for it. But yeah, we're going to be practicing for a while, and then we're going to go to the studio to look at costumes and run around and stuff. You up for going?"  

"Definitely." He smiled, leaning down and kissing your shoulder just as the cold tide surrounded the both of you, making you shiver.  

"Hey! You two! Get your butts out here!" Courtney yelled, breaking the moment.  

You smiled. "Better listen to the pregnant girl or else she'll attack us with her hormones." 

_Whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff._

_But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. _

_He owes me one last wish._

_So here's a present to let you know I still exist._

_I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips._


	30. Chapter 30

**30: I Let My Dreams Consume Me**

It was the end of January, the dead of winter. School had been crazy since you'd gotten back from holiday vacation. Stares were becoming more and more common. Kids you never even saw before whispering as you walked by. You knew it wasn't because of your LA tan you got from the beach. It wasn't from the show or the cameras following you around school anymore, either. It was from the music video.  "_A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me." _Of course, you only had a small part in it, (along with Courtney and Sam.) But that didn't matter; compared to how most people spent their lives in that small town. Naturally, they were jealous, and you all expected that. Even though your few seconds in it included the three of you pretending to bite Patrick's neck as he stood against a wall, you knew there would be talk all around school. After all, you were a town celebrity now. But that was the least of your worries You were now back at school at the end of January. The end of January meant the last week of filming. Joe set up a date on Friday for a concert in the auditorium with the whole school present. The song for you to play, of course, would be "Grand Theft Autumn," which you were to sing with Patrick.   

Still, the least of your worries.  

You sat in bed Tuesday night, tossing from side to side as your mind went wild, you voice playing over and over again in your head. _I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have gone. __I shouldn't have gone._ You grunted, pulling the covers off of you, frustrated. _I shouldn't have done it. God damnit, I'm so stupid!_ The night before played over and over again in your mind, the breathing deafening your ears. You felt like you were going to be sick. _They're going on tour next week. I can't tell him._ Your eyes closed, the burning sensation in them becoming overwhelming. T_hey're leaving me._      

* * *

"What the fu- Julie! Wait!"

You ran down the hallway after biology, Courtney calling after you as she clenched onto her books as she tried to keep up. Your footsteps echoed as you made your way down the empty staircase.

"Julie! Guess what? Pete and I were talking about names for the ba-"

"That's awesome," you mumbled, not really listening as you reached the bottom, pushing your way past oncoming people to make it to your locker.

She soon followed, huffing as she walked up next to you.

"You want to tell me what's wrong, or are you going to run away from me all day?"

You forced a fake smile, opening the locker door. "Nothing's wrong."

"Bullshit," she said. A teacher walked by, glaring at her. "I'm not stupid. When Julie's mad, Julie's quiet and ignores everyone."

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" You set your books inside, setting your binder on its side.

"Are you going to tell me, or do I have to beat it out of you? I can find a baseball bat-"

"I'm fine," you repeated, slamming the door and heading down the hallway. She let out a frustrated growl and followed after you.

"So can I tell you my story?" she asked. You nodded. "Pete and I were looking at names for the baby. I mean, I know I'm only about two months into this, but we wanted to start making a list. I'm hoping for a boy, but Pete keeps telling me he wants his own little girl." She looked down, smiling to herself. "I don't know. But I think we're both accepting this now." She looked back up, noticing that you were turning down another hallway. She stopped, looking at you. "Aren't you coming to lunch?"

You turned around. "No, I'm not really that hungry. Go ahead without me."

You headed towards the bathroom, stepping into the doorway.

"Julie?"

You looked back into the hallway at her. "Yeah?"

"Are you really okay?" The tone of her voice let you know she was being completely serious this time.

You nodded. "I'm fine."

After checking that the bathroom was to yourself, you set yourself in a stall, pulling down the toilet lid before taking a seat. You set your elbows on your legs, your fingers creeping into your hair.

Your thoughts pierced your mind again. _Should I tell him?_

* * *

It was Friday night as you pulled up into the parking lot of the school. The sky was completely dark, the snowflakes falling visibly in the street lamps and your headlights. As you pulled into the nearest spot to the door, you sighed heavily and turned the engine off. Joe's car was parked next to yours, and you assumed he and the other boys were already inside setting up. You hadn't seen them for the past couple days since they were too busy scheduling for the tour. They would be leaving at 3 o'clock the next morning to catch their plane. As you pulled out your keys and set them in your coat pocket, your stomach leapt into your throat. You were so far beyond nervous. It wasn't about the song, though. You knew the performance would go perfectly since, after all, you've had some of the best training possible. It wasn't about the song at all. You didn't know the next time you'd see them.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, making up your mind as you climbed out of your car. _I'm going to tell him._ You tucked your gloved hands deep into your pockets, your breath hitting the cold air in clouds as you made your way to the door. _As soon as I see him, I'm going to tell him._

You opened the door, making your way inside. The bright lights made you squint as they adjusted from the dark sky outside. Hearing the familiar noise of drums coming down from the hallway, you continued walking until you found the room that lead you backstage.

"Julie!" Joe ran over, hugging you quickly. "Thank God you finally got here. We need to practice before everyone gets here. We have about twenty minutes." He continued talking as you looked around, not really listening. Andy sat at his drum set twirling his drumsticks in his hands, Pete in front of him with his bass around his neck. Then you saw Patrick, standing against the wall, looking at you with a grin on his face. _There's the lump in my throat again._

"Long time no see," he said, walking over to you.

_Maybe it won't hurt if I wait to tell him later?_ You smiled back, trying to change the subject. You picked up the extra guitar that was sitting in its case next to you on the floor. "We should get started."

Practicing the song only took about fifteen minutes, going through it as many times as possible. You'd be playing Patrick's guitar part and he would come out to share the microphone with you. It was hard to be excited knowing that this would be the last time you'd get to play with them.

The moment came too quickly, as you stood behind the curtain. The seats in the audience quickly filled. Eventually every seat was taken, and you noticed some people taking spots against the wall in the back and sides of the aisles. You felt a hand on your shoulder as you turned around peering in the dim light.

"Hey." Patrick smiled at you.

You heard Joe begin to talk into the microphone, announcing you and the rest of the band. "Hey," you said, blinking. "I've- um. I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Yeah?"

"Andy Hurley on drums, and Patrick Stump as her duet partner."

_He looks so innocent. There's no way I can say it._ You stuttered for a moment before looking up at him. "I- well…Patrick?"

"What is it?" The way he was looking at you made you want to throw up.

"-and I present you Julie Ridgway, playing 'Grand Theft Autumn.'"

You bit your lip before saying, "Good luck." Applause erupted from the audience.

He smiled, looking at you a bit puzzled. "You too. Now get going."

He nudged you forward and you turned around suddenly, the bright spotlights filling your eyes. You shielded them for a moment, looking around. You couldn't see anyone, the crowd a large sheet of black. In the very front, though, you saw small red lights that you assumed to be from the cameras from the MTV camera crew.

_This is it, Julie. Don't mess up._

You walked forward, taking your spot in the very center of the stage. Pete was off you your left, Joe to your right. Joe nodded at you as you looked over at him for a moment, reassuringly. Taking a deep breath, you slung the guitar around you, the microphone now against your lips. You started off. _Deep breaths, now._ "Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know. You were the last good thing about this part of town." The band started in. Your blood started pumping, your fingers moving. "When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances," Patrick's voice chimed in with yours, "On the hope you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you. For you so…" He appeared from backstage, joining with you at your microphone as he took over the chorus.

"You need him. I could be him. I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him. Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town."

You tried to ignore the lyrics he was singing, trying to keep yourself from thinking about _it._

"Someday I'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you. But for the meantime I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants off at 4:00 in the afternoon."

Again, he took over the chorus, his voice and his words ringing in your ears.

"You need him. I could be him. I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him. Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town."

You kept your eyes from him, looking down at the guitar as you played the short guitar solo.

"Won't find out."

"He wont find out." His lips came close to yours as you sang the first part, him singing the second. Your stomach went insane, guilt consuming you.

"Won't find out."

"He wont find out." You both finished the song, singing together, your mouths almost grazing each other next to the microphone. You knew you had to tell him as soon as possible.

"Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: You were the last good thing about this part of town."

The curtain closed as the crowd went wild, the sounds of clapping filling your ears. You didn't even wait until you set the guitar down.

You both stood in the middle of the stage, away from the microphone. "Patrick?"

He grabbed you, hugging you tightly. "That was awesome! Probably the best you've ever played-"

"Patrick-"

"Julie, you have to come with us tonight. We'll go back to the hotel and party-"

"Patrick-"

"I mean, I know we're leaving at 3am, but we can still hang out until then-"

"Patrick!" He let go slowly, looking at you with his hands on your shoulders. Joe, Andy, and Pete still stood in their spots, silent and watching you two. "Patrick…" You couldn't look at him. You knew your cheeks were burning red. Tears boiled as you looked away as his smile fell.

"Yeah?"

"I had sex with Alex."

_Do me a favor, baby, don't you cry._


	31. Chapter 31

**31: Salt In Your Wounds**

That was the last thing you said to Patrick. You had to tell him, though. He had a right to know. He hadn't let you explain, and that was the one thing you were glad for. You knew you wouldn't have been able to make him understand why, especially not since you yourself didn't know why. Your one wish was to spare him the details, and you got exactly that. You didn't feel you deserved anything more.

The day of your sin still felt surreal to you. The boys were gone for the weekend to deal with some tour business, and you ran into Alex. The two of you got to talking. One thing led to another, and before you knew what you were doing, he had you in the backseat of his cheap car.

You tried to rationalize your actions, to make them a little less offensive, by telling yourself that this was the one boy you'd been obsessed with for seven years. He was the first boy you'd ever wanted, the only one until Patrick. It was nearly impossible to get over him so quickly, even after what he'd done at the Snow Ball. You made yourself sick with disgust. You loathed yourself for breaking your promise to Patrick. You loathed yourself for breaking your promise to yourself by falling for him again.

_Worthless piece of shit, scumbag, whore._ It was the mantra you repeated to yourself everyday. It was less than you deserved, but you just didn't have the will for anything anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. The show was over, and the boys were gone. You wouldn't be able to enjoy the days of walking out of school at the end of the day and seeing Patrick in his car. No more smiles. No more laughs. It was all over. It wasn't worth it. You threw away everything you had with Patrick for a few sleazy moments in the back of a trashy car. You felt cheaper than a whore. You once had everything you ever dreamed of wanting and here you are now, nothing left but a few loose kisses lingering on your lips and empty arms to count on.

_And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again._

_And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am._

_I'll grow old and start acting my age._

_I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate._

_A crown of gold._

_A heart that's harder than stone._

_And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone._

Months of stares, whispers and giggling passed you by. You spent the remainder of your high school days on autopilot. Eventually people grew tired of your story and resumed their old ways of ignoring you. It helped to remind you that the dream was over and you were now back to mundane reality. It helped to remind you that you couldn't have back what you lost.

It was already the end of May, and graduation was slapping you in the face. You were no longer that little girl in her school uniform, waiting for the weekend just to get some sleep. And you were now eighteen. You were officially an adult. You were officially on your own.

Naturally, your mom immediately insisted you figure out what you were going to do. She was pissed, to say the least, that you hadn't sent out resumes to _any_ colleges yet. You told her you wanted to be a cashier a Burger King, but she didn't find you amusing in the least. You just didn't have the heart to tell her that you had lost all ambition to continue on to college. Luckily, the pressure of moving out came to an abrupt stop from a phone call you got one day.

"Hello, I'm looking for Julie Ridgway?" It was a loud female voice.

You cleared your throat. "Yeah, this is her."

"Well this is Tasha, executive producer for the MADE show over at MTV."

You thought for a moment, holding the phone under your chin. Slowly the memory of the blonde woman pushing her way into your living room the first day of filming rushed back into your mind. "Oh, hey! How're you?" You tried to sound as friendly as possible even though you never really grew a liking to her.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I was calling to let you know that we will need you for some last minute narration. You know how we have the kids narrate some transitions and some of the clips during the show?" She continued, not letting you answer. "Well, we'll be over at your house tomorrow to record. It should only take a few hours, so we'll only be in and out."

Surprised from her sudden plans, you stuttered. "Uh-"

"Great. We'll be over around eleven o'clock. Have a nice day." She hung up before saying goodbye.

* * *

"So we'll start from before you met Joe and then go on from there, alright?"

You sat in your living room, still in your pajamas, Tasha and two other men standing before you. One of the men you recognized as one of your cameramen, standing beside your TV with his camera connected to it with wires. The other man stood next to your coffee table, microphone and audio mix equipment before you.

"We'll start with some of the first few," Tasha said, walking over and sitting next to you. She nodded at the cameraman who pressed a few buttons, the video beginning to play on your TV.

It was a collection of short clips from you at home playing your godforsaken piano that you hadn't touched in ages to clips of you and your friends at school. You sat there in amazement of yourself almost eight months ago. The old you who was too shy to even breathe. Completely consumed by this bizarre moment, you hardly even noticed Tasha shoving a packet of white paper at you.

"Wh-what's this?"

"A script," she sighed. "We want you to read each paragraph at a time, and we'll go back through and put them with the film."

You skimmed through it quickly, flipping through the pages and lines.

"But- You guys completely skipped the part of us going to New York and California," you said after a moment.

"Yes, well, as you'll see, we took out a lot of things we caught on film."

She stared at you for a second, and by the tone of her voice you knew she meant the whole situation with Pete and Courtney, and you and Patrick.

She confirmed your thoughts. "We don't need to know about your _little_ affair, or some _little_ girl getting pregnant. We're just going to try and skip all of that."

You stared back at her, studying her face. _Oh lady, you're lucky my fist isn't colliding with your __little__ face._

"So whenever you're ready, start reading"

The entire experience of going back through the video was extremely hard for you. Not only was this the best time you'd ever had in your life, but you started to consider these boys to be some of your best friends. All of Andy's crazy conversations and laughs, Joe's sarcastic remarks about everything, and Pete's hilarious outbursts that seemed to come out of nowhere. You got to relive them for a bit, but without them this time.

After you finally read through the entire script, you looked back up at the screen of your TV.

There he was, his mouth next to yours. It was the last performance, and you felt your stomach do the same insane twist as it did that night. You could tell by your face on the video that you were trying hard to not think about the incident with Alex, but there was his face; he looked like he was on top of the world. He always looked jovial whenever he performed in front of a crowd, but that night seemed to be all he cared about. He got to perform with you.

You thanked God that the camera wasn't backstage to show Patrick's face after you told him. Again, you felt like you were going to be sick.

Tasha said a quick goodbye to you after the guys packed away their equipment. She shook your hand, thanking you for your time (even though you knew she didn't really mean it). You only nodded, trying to keep your stomach down.

In fact, as soon as she shut the door behind her, you knew you were going to be sick. You ran upstairs as quickly as you could, storming into your bathroom. You felt like you were going to explode.

The next morning, you awoke to the cold feeling of a hand on your forehead. Your eyes shot open, blurry at first, as you tried to sit up. An intense, almost electric zap rushed through your left temple as you felt someone pushing you back down.

"Lay back down, you idiot. You're fucking sick." Looking up, you saw a content Courtney peering down at you, sitting on the edge of your bed next to you. She pulled her hands away from your shoulders, setting them on her lap. "How're you feeling?"

"Just like you said. I'm fucking sick," you said, yawning loudly.

This caused her to yawn also. She threw a pillow at you. "Stop it. Sick or not, don't make me any more tired than I already am."

"Why're you so tired?" you asked, though you already knew.

"I was talking to Pete on the phone last night after they finished their show in Edinburgh. They should be getting back from the UK sometime next month."

"Yeah, that's awesome." You closed your eyes, ready to go back asleep.

The pillow collided with your head again. "No, listen. This is important."

You sighed, giving up. "Fine, what is it?"

"Pete wants me to move into this really nice apartment in Chicago."

"That's cool."

"It's right in the heart of the city, and it's just the right size. And I'm probably going to end up staying there."

"That's pretty damn cool." You turned onto your side, your back facing her.

"And you're moving in with me."

Your eyes popped open as your turned back around to stare at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Now before you go all crazy on me, let me finish," she said, holding her hands out as if she thought you were going to hit her. "Pete's agreed to completely support me, mainly because it was _his _fault as well. But other than that, we can get little jobs to help pay for everything else until we figure out what else is going on."

"Courtney, you've got to be kiddi-"

"They have a Cheesecake Factory restaurant there."

You immediately went silent, completely convinced.

She smiled. "I knew that would get you."

"And you're lucky you got me when my stomach wasn't going insane," you said. "My hair even smells like puke."

"Really?" she said, twirling her hair around her finger and sniffing it. "Mine smells like strawberries."

_And that was the day that your life took and even bigger turn._

* * *

"Julie! Table four's been seated."

You reached up, wiping the sweat from your soaked brow with the side of your hand, pulling out a tablet and pen from your apron with your other.

"I'll get right on it."

Moving into the city only took a few weeks, as did the time to settle in. Your mom, of course, wasn't 100% sure about you living so far away, but you reminded her of the fact that you were now eighteen and you could make your own decisions. So you never really _asked_ her about moving; you _told_ her.

The apartment was small, but the rent wasn't too bad for only two bedrooms. Courtney's room was to the left of the small living room/kitchen area; yours was on the right with the bathroom across the hall. And the location was perfect. The Chicago Great Lakes Properties on West Randolph Street, like Courtney had said, was in the heart of the city. You were able to find a job opening very quickly, searching right before the two of you had finished moving. The closest and easiest one you found was at the Billy Goat Tavern on West Washington Boulevard, conveniently only four blocks over and one block down from the apartment building.

Seemed perfect, right? Too bad your boss was a douche, most of the customers were rude, and your work clothes permanently smelled like bad food. But that's life, right?

Taking a deep breath, you headed out of the kitchen, the doors swinging behind you, and made your way to your table station near the front of the restaurant. That was when you glanced outside the front glass door, the figure of someone very familiar catching your attention as they walked by. You immediately knew who it was.

_Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not._

_I'm glad that you can forgive._

_Only hoping as time goes, you can forget._

_If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state._

_You can keep to yourself._

_I'll keep out of your way._

_It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds__._

"Andy?" You muttered it quietly, hardly audible. _Yep. I'd recognize those tattoo sleeves anywhere._ You dropped your tablet and pen, running out the door as quickly as possible. Peering down the sidewalk, you saw his back as he waited for the "walk" signal to let him cross the street.

"Andy!" you yelled, causing a few people to stare as they walked by. You ignored them. "Andy!"

He spun around, swinging his head to look at where your voice came from. After a few seconds, he noticed you, a large smile taking over his face. You swiftly ran over to him, dodging other pedestrians as he met you halfway. You instantly wrapped your arms around his shoulder. He picked you up and spun you around.

"What're you doing here?" he asked with a laugh, letting go.

"Well," you said, putting your hands on your hips. "I work over there at Billy's."

"Yeah, I can tell by your shirt," he said, pointing at the bold restaurant name. "I mean what're you doing here in Chicago? I knew Courtney was here, but-"

"Oh, I came with her," you said. "She was too afraid to come by herself."

He put his hand to his forehead, smiling. "Wow. I mean, look at you! Jesus, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

"About six months," you said, nodding. After a second, you added, "So how was the tour? Are you guys back in town?"

He laughed. "Oh, yeah, yeah. We just got back a little bit ago. I was actually just heading over to meet Pat-" He stopped for a second, his grin fading. "Well, I was heading over to meet someone."

You bit your lip, trying to ignore the awkward silence. You sighed loudly, forcing a smile. "Well, I better get back to work."

He stuck a hand in his pocket. "Yeah, well, hey! Listen. Why don't I stop by sometime with Pete? We could all go somewhere sometime."

You nodded then said your goodbyes, knowing that things would never be the same.


	32. Chapter 32

**32: We're Last Chances**

The warm summer air hit your face as you exited Billy's, pulling your tote bag around your shoulder. You hated walking around in your work clothes (they always smelled so disgusting), so you brought an extra pair of clothes with you to change into. Since the weather was beautiful, you decided to sport your summer tank tops. You loved being able to walk around in your cute clothes, feeling all adorable. You pulled out your large black sunglasses and put them on, turning east down West Washington back to the apartment. This day wasn't just any other day for you; it was the day that your show would premier on MTV. Andy, Joe, Pete, and Dirty were all going to come over to watch and celebrate. All Courtney told you was that there would be golf carts involved which, honestly, sort of scared you. But nevertheless, you were excited to see them again. Their schedules still seemed to be a bit busy, not just because they were unpacking and settling back in from the tour, but also because they were heading back into the studio soon. It had been a few weeks since your run-in with Andy, and the only one out of all of them that you'd stayed in contact with was Pete. He'd been over almost everyday to do something with Courtney.   

Her belly had gotten so big.   She was already seven months into her pregnancy. You could tell she was nervous, of course, and you were for her too. But the worst out of all of you was Pete. It was easy to notice with him. Yeah, he'd joke around about it, but the way that he looked at her and watched her made it obvious that he was scared. He'd recently developed an obsession with taking pictures of her. He'd printed some of them out and framed them, hanging them wherever he could in his apartment as well as yours. It was like he wanted to show off her pregnancy to everyone. You found this absolutely adorable.   

You turned the final corner, the apartment building in your view. The day's heat was surprisingly hot, but a cool breeze swept past you from a few moving cars, blowing some of the hairs out of your face as you sighed. _Thank God for man-made wind. _Further up the street, you noticed some backed-up traffic. One of the cars caught your attention. It was blasting music out the opened window. As your path brought you closer, you noticed it was a guy who looked to be a few years younger than you, and he obviously seemed aggravated by the situation. He reached forward, honking loudly at the car in front of him, throwing his arms in the air in frustration. _What a douche._ You reached the crosswalk, standing next to the other pedestrians who needed to cross. While waiting, you took a look at the driver in front of the kid who was flipping out. It was a blue Honda. The driver was ignoring the person behind him, laughing as he looked forward, amused by something his passenger said. She had short brown hair, from what you could see, and she was also laughing. As they pulled up closer, the traffic inching forward, you got a better look. _Oh my God._ Patrick put his hand on top of his hat, leaning his elbow against the window as he continued to smile. Even though his windows were up, you swore you could hear his laugh in your head. You didn't know what to do. You were stuck there, not able to move yet, and his car was sitting right there in front of you now. Just then, he looked up. You decided to play it cool, ignoring him. You tried to follow where his eyes were, wondering if he might've noticed you. They were right on you. Judging by the expression on his face, it was hard to tell if he recognized you. His smile had faded as he squinted, trying to get a better look. _Yep. I think he noticed me. Maybe it's not too late to hide?_ Just as you were debating whether to duck behind the businessman standing next to you, Patrick's car turned the corner and was soon out of sight. You felt a sinking feeling in your stomach.    

_Which came first, the music or the misery?_

_We're high-fashion, __we're last chances._

As soon as you made it back to the apartment, you walked in, pulled off your sunglasses and set them on the counter. Courtney was sitting on the couch, a magazine in her hands. You walked over, plopped down on the couch across from her, threw your bag on the ground and set your feet up on the coffee table. You sighed loudly, trying to get her attention. She peered over the top of her magazine at you, raising an eyebrow. _That always works with her._ You laid back, the couch almost consuming your small frame.

"What? You have my attention," she said, looking back at her magazine and flipping a page.

"Oh, I dunno," you said, looking down at your fingernail as you picked at it. "I just kind of…ran into Patrick on my way home"

Her head shot back up. "What? Stump?"

You nodded, pretending not to make a big deal about it. It would have been easier to accomplish if your stomach weren't going insane.

She quickly closed her magazine, tossing it to the side. "Well are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Well," you started, "I didn't really _run_ into him, but I saw him. It was down across the street." She pointed, questioningly towards the wall in the direction of the street. You nodded again.

"Holy shit! Well, what was he doing?"

"He was in his car," you said, going back to your fingernail.

She rolled her eyes at how calm you were pretending to be. "Was he with anyone?"

"He-" Just as you started talking, there was a knock at the door. You felt your heart race. _Maybe it's him?_ You froze in place, staring at the door.

Courtney stared at you for a second, then said, after you didn't move, "Fine! Fine, make preggers get up. She's _only_ carrying another human being inside of her. Whatever." She reached the door, opening it slowly. You looked away, half of you preying to God that it wasn't him, the other half begging to hear his voice ask "Hey, is Julie there?" After a moment, you gave in and looked over to see who it was. _Damn you, Pete._

He picked Courtney up in his arms, kissing her as he carried her further into the kitchen. "How're you?"

She smiled, putting her hands on her hips. "Fine. My back hurts a little bit, but no more than normal."

"Great." He kissed her on the cheek again then made his way over to you, taking Courtney's seat across from you. "Oh, can you grab me an iced tea?"

She scoffed, looking at him. "You're just as bad as her."

"Well," he said, not really listening, "how's Julie?"

"Ah, I'm alright."

"You seem _very_ excited for being someone who's about to be on TV," he teased. "But whatever floats your boat."

Courtney walked over, handing him a small plastic bottle of green tea, then slowly took a seat next to him. "Actually, she was just telling me about how she saw Patrick outside just a little bit ago."

He looked over at you quickly. "You saw him?"

The way he said it confused you. "Was I not supposed to?"

"Well, no- no, I didn't mean," he stuttered, looking away as if he'd said too much already. _What, is he trying to hide from me?_

"You never said if he was with anyone," Courtney said after a moment.

"Yeah," you said. "He was with some girl."

Pete took a quick swig of his tea, trying to change the subject and ease the weird tension. "This tea is damn good." He failed miserably. But a loud crash came to the recue through a still open apartment door, causing the three of you to jump suddenly.

_Our gossip lips stuttered every word I said, I said-_

_I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back._

_It's true romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head._

_I'm casually obsessed and I've forgiven death,_

_I am indifferent, yet I am a total wreck (without you.)_

The first thing that caught your attention was a golf kart revving its engine halfway through the doorway.

"Holy shi- Joe! You're going to break something," Courtney yelled, standing back up.

Joe sat in the driver's seat, pushing on the gas pedal. Andy sat next to him, holding on to the seat for dear life, Dirty sitting in the back, as Joe eventually pushed his way inside. A few people stood outside in the hallway, looking in wonder and completely confusion_._ "Hey guys," Joe said, stepping out and closing you door, the kart sitting in the middle of your kitchen.

"How the hell did you get that up here?" you asked, walking over and giving him a hug. A very confused hug.

He smiled with pride. "We got connections."

Later that night, you celebrated the once-in-a-lifetime experience of being on TV. You'd think you'd be happy about it. You couldn't stop thinking about Patrick the entire time. You made a promise to yourself: _If I see him again, I'm going to talk to him._

_But, then again, you were bad at keeping promises_.


	33. Chapter 33

**33: My One And My Lonely**

"Leave me the _Hell_ alone! I don't want to talk to you!"  You closed the door, home from a long day of work. You took off your shoes and tossed them next to the door.  "I _don't_ care!" 

As you set your bag down on the counter, you peeked around the corner through an open door to see Courtney standing in the middle of her room. She slammed her cell phone shut and chucked it across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor. Completely confused, you ran into her room.  

"What's going on?"  

"I can't stand him! I'm done!" she yelled. He eyes were glossy with unshed tears; her face was flushed with anger. She was practically hyperventilating through her dry sobs.

You ushered her to her bed and made her sit down with you. You wrapped your arms around her as she buried her face in your shoulder. You smoothed her hair for a few minutes while she calmed down. "Was that Pete?"  

"No- yes... He was talking in the background."  

"Then who was it?"  

She pulled away, staring at you in the face, her eyes watering. "It was that fucking Kate girl!"  

You squinted, confused. "What?"  

"I called his cell phone," she said, walking over to her bed and sitting down, "and she was the one who answered." 

_Oh God, Pete._ "Well, uh...Well maybe he asked her to answer because he couldn't get to it?" you said, trying to be as comforting as possible. Her face went right red again, and you could tell she was about to burst into tears.   

"She wasn't talking like normal. She was talking like she was doing something with him! She was _out of breath_!"  

You jumped from her sudden yelling. "Well maybe they were, uh..." Memories of the hotel at NYC popped back into your mind; how he took her hand and led her out of the poolroom, laughing. _Pete, please tell me you didn't do anything stupid._  Suddenly, her phone started ringing again, buzzing on the carpet.  

She snatched a pillow from the head of the bed and flung it at the phone. "I'm not answering it! If it's him, I'm not fucking answering it!"  

You walked over, dodging another pillow, and picked it up from the ground. You saw a picture of Pete on the screen. "Hello?"  

"Oh, thank God," he said under his breath. "Julie?"  

You put your hand to your forehead. "Damnit, Pete, what did you do?" At the mention of his name, Courtney's head snapped in your direction and she gave the death glare at the phone in your hand.

"We were eating lunch, I swear!" he exclaimed, almost as if he wanted Courtney to hear him. "We were out eating lunch because we were waiting for Chris when she called!"  

"Tell him he can go drive off a cliff!"  

You spun around, looking at her. "Yeah, well, whatever you did, I think you got her a little worked up." _A little?_

"I have to talk to her," he pleaded.   

Courtney growled from her bed, throwing everything that she could find. "Uh, well, I think she's a little busy right now."  

"I have to talk to her." You could hint the desperation in his voice.  

You sighed, thinking for a second. _This is the only couple I've ever seen in my life that hasn't fought until now.  She __needs__ him. Even though she's good at pretending she doesn't._ "Let me see what I can do," you said, covering the phone with your hand as you held it against your chest. You walked over to her, grabbing her arm to make her drop the lamp that she was about to throw. "Courtney-"  

"Tell him no! I won't fucking-"  

"Courtney!" She lowered her arm, suddenly quiet as she looked back at you. You gave her a death glare. "Alright," you said, pulling the phone back to your face. "She's calm."  

"Good," he said, sounding exhausted. "Tell her the guys were planning on going to Mannino's later, and I want to see her. Ask her if she'll go." Mannino's was a local club/bar, only a short drive west from the apartment. It was a hot spot, where a lot of bands and musicians performed.  

You bit your lip, pulling the phone away again for a second. "He wants to meet at Mannino's." She immediately shook her head, but you could easily tell she didn't mean it. _I can read her like a book._ "She'll be there," you said, ignoring her venomous glare that she shot you.  

"Thank God!" You could almost feel his smile through the phone. "Alright. Okay, be there at 10?"  

"Kay."  

"Thank you so much, Julie. You have no idea how awesome you are."  

"No problem, Pete. We'll see you later." As you hung up, Courtney started charging quickly at you. You held your hands up. "Stop it," you said. "Stop. Just go talk to him. It'll be fine."  

She halted in front of you, peering up in your face. "Well, I'm not going by myself. You're coming with me." You scoffed, making her laugh. "Oh yeah? This is funny now?" she said, walking over to her closet.

"I'm tired!" You watched as she flipped through her hangars. "I just got home from work." She ignored you, taking out a small, grey cocktail dress, throwing it at you unexpectedly. As you caught it, she stared at you.

"Are you going to get changed, or what?"  

You sighed loudly. "Do I really have a choice?"    

_I'll classify every word out of your lips as a lie _

_until you're lying beneath the dirt and the soil_

_hailed as the king of deceivers and cheats._

The smell of alcohol quickly filled your lungs as you stepped into the club; a rush of wind blew against your bare skin on your arms and back. Even though it was summer, it still sent little crawling shivers down your spine. You took a quick look around, noticing that it was a very crowded night. People were packed in there from the mirrored wall to the bar, and finally the entire dance floor in the back. Off to your left by the long bar, you noticed Andy leaning against the countertop with his elbows. Smiling, you quickly walked over to him, Courtney behind you.

You tapped his shoulder and he spun around to face you. "Hey!" he said, giving you a quick hug. "What're you going here?" You pointed over your shoulder at Courtney, who was already in a heated discussion with Pete. He looked completely innocent as he tried talking to her, a bottle in his hand. "Ah, I see," Andy said, turning back around.

"So what're you up to?" you asked him as you waved at the bartender at the same time.

"Nothing," he said. "Helping out in the studio and stuff. It's been insane, what with just getting back from tour three weeks ago and now already writing for the next album." He smiled. "But it's fun. It's my job, so I really can't complain."

"Diet Coke," you mumbled to the bartender. "So have you talked to Sam at all, lately?"

You noticed his face go a little bit red. "Well, uh- uhm," he stuttered, "I guess I've talked to her on the phone a few times..."

_He's almost easier to read than Courtney._ "You invited her out here, didn't you?"

"Next weekend," he said quickly, smiling. "I've been dying to see her."

_I like how all of my friends fit well together. I'm just here to help them work through their problems. _The bartender handed you a small glass, and you took it, putting in a little straw and taking a quick sip. Excited yelling and clapping came from the crowd, taking you by surprise. You looked up at the small stage, assuming someone was up there, but you could hardly see through the darkness and hands in the air. You listened for a second as a song started, a quick sound with a clapping beat. It was definitely Timbaland, but you could tell that he wasn't on stage rapping live; it was definitely a recording. However, you could see an outlined figure turning on a microphone.

_I get over heels for someone _

_I really can't deal with, deal with_

_I want to block her out my mind_

_But I really can't do it, do it_

_I tell myself this the last time_

_I'ma let her do this to me_

_Whenever we do spend time_

_I realize that I can't get enough of you_

That someone who was turning on the microphone started singing. "Wipe that smile off your fucking face, wipe that smile off your face, wipe that smile off your fucking face, wipe that smile off your face."

You'd know that voice anywhere. You'd heard it so many times before that it had practically replaced your own voice in your mind.

Andy looked at you, almost as shocked as you were. He leaned over, almost trying to hide you. "I completely forgot he was here," he mumbled, trying not to let you hear.

"To be despised, to be loved, to be dreamt of, to be sought. On the inside, I don't care. Right in the middle, I'm right in the middle. To be despised, to be loved, to be dreamt of, to be sought. On the inside, I don't care. Be my unholy. My one and my lonely."

You gently pushed away Andy's arm, your face hopeful. "I have to talk to him."

"I wear scarves and hoods cause it's the only poker face that I've got left, and everything I love about you is a mess. Smash the mirror and break the palm reader's hand. I want to be better than I am."

You began to stand up, and Andy grabbed you by the arm again to pull you back down.

"I seriously think you shouldn't," he said into your ear over the music.

You looked at him, confused. "Why?"

"Wipe that smile off your fucking face. Wipe that smile off your face..."

You tugged away again, turning towards the dance floor. "Julie!" Andy called. "Just let it go."

You kept walking, not hearing what he said. Pushing past the crowd, you tried to get closer. Some people danced against you, laughing and trying to have a good time. The alcohol smell was stronger, making you feel nauseous, but the adrenaline pumping in your veins let you ignore it. Since the floor wasn't really that large, it didn't take you very long to reach the front. You stopped, a few people still in front of you, and you looked up at the stage. Patrick stood, his one hand holding a microphone, the other behind his back as he stopped singing for a second. The dark blue lights shining from the ceiling shone against him, his face lighting up. Timbaland's voice rang through the crowd.

_He looks so happy._

The music continued. "Girl, just look what you've done, how could you do this to me? I gotta put my foot down, I can't let you do this to me. I can't forget those good ole times and all the things you've been doing to me. I wanna hit that one more time, I mean, love, what you're doing to me. I'ma say it loud. Right here, let's fuck in this crowd. Why we arguing? I thought me and you were supposed to be frrrrrriends. Let's chill for minute, better yet, we could heal for a minute. Baby, put down the knife. Sometime I wanna save your life."

Pete appeared next to you, Courtney behind him, as he grabbed your arm. _What is it with people and grabbing my arm?_ "We need to go-"

"Why?" you yelled, looking at him like he was crazy.

"I think we should go somewhere else."

Patrick started singing again. "To be despised, to be loved, to be dreamt of, to be sought. On the inside, I don't care. Right in the middle, I'm right in the middle."

You started walking towards the end of the stage where the steps were to walk off. Pete growled under his breath at Courtney.

"She needs to stop this."

Still Patrick sang. "To be despised, to be loved, to be dreamt of, to be sought. On the inside, I don't care. Be my unholy. My one and my lonely."

_I want to block her out my mind, but I really can't do it._

Clapping erupted from the crowd as Patrick finished. He turned around, saying something to the DJ while laughing, and handed him the microphone. Turning back, he headed towards the stairs where you stood.

You felt like you were frozen in your spot, panicking. _Oh God. __What do I say?_ He slowly walked down the steps, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets. Looking up as he reached the bottom, his eyes met yours. "Uhhh, Patrick. Hey."

His smile faded.


	34. Chapter 34

**34: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing**

"P-Patrick?" He stared at you for a moment. It looked like he'd gone completely white, the color drained from his cheeks, yet his face was expressionless. He finally unfroze and continued walking past you as if you weren't there. You turned, looking after him. "Patrick!"  

Andy appeared, stepping in front of you. "Julie-"  

"I just need to talk to him," you muttered, not very audible over the loud music. Andy stuck his arm out, trying to stop you from following. In the background, peering over his shoulder, you noticed Patrick as he swiftly left the club, the glass door closing behind him.  

"Just let it go," Andy said, drawing your attention back. "Seriously-"  

"I want to know why you guys won't let me talk to him. I want to know what the Hell is going on." You could feel your head spinning.  

"I.. I just think that he's not really up for talking right now."  

"I gave him enough time," you said, pushing past him. The night brought down the temperature of the air as it swept against your skin. Looking off to the right, you saw his familiar hat bobbing as he walked by himself. Your feet started to ache as your heels clanked against the harsh concrete, so you reached down, taking off your shoes. Holding them in your hand, you continued to jog after him, moving easier in your bare feet. Yes, you knew it was gross to be walking around the city without shoes, but you didn't care. All you wanted was to talk to him, even for just a second. You didn't bother calling out his name again, since you knew he would still try to avoid you. So you sped up. Before too long, you could almost reach out and touch him.

"You should stop before you even start," he suggested flatly without turning around, still keeping his pace.

_How did he even know I was behind him?_ You breathed in deeply, nervous. This would be the first thing you've said to him in almost six months. "I just wanted to ask you something."  

He stopped walking suddenly, catching you by surprise as you also came to an abrupt halt behind him. He still faced forward. "Then ask away. I'm a pretty busy kid." 

You were taken aback. "I, well.."  

He laughed under his breath as he began walking again. "Yeah. That's what I thought."  

"Patrick, this is childish," you said after a minute.  

"Childish," he mumbled, scoffing. He started walking again, still not turning your direction. You followed in his wake.

You were shocked by his impudence. You searched your mind for anything to say as you breathed in the cool city air. _It's funny how I had everything I wanted to say memorized in my head up until __now._ "So you were wrong about Chicago," you said. "It's more beautiful than you let on." He seemed to be ignoring you, still staring forward. You continued. "Of course, I haven't seen much of it, but I love it so far. The apartment's pretty nice too now that we've finished unpacking. Courtney and I have only been here for a little over a month."  

"Yeah, I know that."  

_He sounds so bitter._ "Oh, did Pete tell you?" you asked. "He's been over a lot. He's actually helping us pay rent-"  

"I really wish you'd shut the fuck up," he said monotonously, stopping suddenly again. He turned sharply to face you and you almost ran into him. He glared down at you, his look feeling like daggers through your heart. Your stomach twisted in its place. Again, you were lost for words. His eyes rolled as he released a forced, short, mocking laugh. "You know what? You're amazing. I can't believe you're actually trying to talk to me." _This isn't going exactly how I'd planned…_You stood there, staring back at his glaring eyes. Your emotions were a jumbled disaster. "D'you want to know why you're amazing?" You could only blink at him. "Because no matter how ridiculous you look, you're still standing here. You're so fucking pathetic." 

_Oh, you're throwing everything you have at me_

_cheap shots, low blows_

_will you ever let it go_

You knew he'd be bitter, that he had every right to hate you. But at the same time, you knew you didn't deserve to be spoken to the way he was. Clearing the lump in your throat, you said, "I think we should at least talk about this."

"What the _Hell_ do you want to talk about?" he said, throwing his hands behind his head. "Why don't you just turn around and go back to where you came from? Your little _boy's_ probably back home waiting for you. I'm pretty sure he'll be furious if he finds out you're talking to me."

The anger started boiling, and you could feel it pulsing through your veins. _He's not worth it, Julie._

"Could I ask you a question?" he said. "How was he, Julie?" He seemed to be enjoying your painful anger he was inducing. He stepped closer, inches from your face.

_you love the sound of your own voice_

_in a crown of death upon your head_

"Huh? Was he good?" A smirk played across his face. It was almost like he was a completely different person.

You clenched your teeth, trying to keep your emotions down. "Patrick-"

"Was he worth it? Was it everything you had ever imagined?" You could feel your hands clenching, now, as you tried to ignore what he was saying. He laughed again. "Oh man, wait! Wait. Did you have an orgasm? Did you, Julie? Did it make your toes curl?"

_come on, you and all your royalty_

_on the edge of infamy _

_you're going to taste my fist _

Patrick stumbled backwards and you could feel your fist throbbing. You rubbed your red knuckles in the palm of your other hand. He looked a little dazed, and then unexpectedly fell to the ground by your feet. _What the Hell did I just do?_ You heard yelling from behind, and you looked over your shoulder. Pete came running up, kneeling beside an unconscious Patrick. Courtney appeared too, grabbing your arm as she looked at you wildly.

"What happened?" she asked, a little out of breath.

You flexed your fist. "I, uh.." Never in your life did you think you would punch Patrick Stump in the face.

"We're going back to the club," Courtney said as she threw her coat on, shoving her arms inside the sleeves. Pete stood in the doorway of your apartment as he tossed his arm around her shoulders.

You put your hands on your hips, biting your lip. "You guys aren't staying?"

Patrick laid on your couch, out cold and breathing shallowly. Pete looked at him hesitantly. "Just promise you won't hit so hard next time?"

You nodded as Courtney fumbled with her keys. "We'll see you later, then," she said.

As they closed the door behind them, you sighed loudly. You had no idea why you'd punched him; you'd never really been pushed that far by somebody before. Still, you knew he probably deserved it either from what he'd already said to you or from what he would've said.

You grabbed an ice pack from your freezer, walking back over to the couch. Pulling the wooden coffee table closer, you took a seat on it and positioned yourself in front of him.

He seemed so peaceful. His eyes were closed, his hands curled up under his chin as his body rocked steadily from his slow breathing. It looked, almost, like he was sleeping, and you couldn't help but to think he looked adorable. It was hard to believe that those things had come out of his mouth just a little bit ago.

Reminded of what he'd said, your grudge against him came out as you slapped the ice pack on his head. His eyes shot open as he moaned in pain. You smiled sarcastically at him as he tried sitting up, squinting up at you.

"What the Hell did you do to me?"

"Shut up and lay back down." You forcefully pushed him backwards, standing up to walk back into the kitchen.

He disobeyed, sitting up as the ice pack fell to his lap. He rubbed his head gingerly. "You're abusive."

"You talk too much," you said as you took out a small glass cup from the cupboard, running it under the faucet and filling it with water. He sat with his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He groaned loudly, playing up the pain. You rolled your eyes and walked over to him again, holding out the glass to him.

"Did you run me over with a train?"

"Take the water."

He looked up from his hands, his eyes narrowing as he snarled. "I think I should sue you."

"I think you should shut the Hell up and take the water." You tapped his shoulder with it, and he reached up hesitantly, taking it in his hand. You watched him as he sipped at the cup, then he looked up at you.

"What, no aspirin?"

You folded your arms across your chest. "I didn't hit you that hard." _Pussy._

He set the cup down on the coffee table, taking a quick look around. "So why am I here? Wait, wait, more importantly, what are you doing here?"

"Pretty sure I live here," you said scornfully.

His eyes widened. "What? What the fuck! I'm in your apartment? Goddamn it!"

His anger sort of amused you as you watched him stand up. "What, are you leaving?"

"Hell yes I'm leaving," he said, walking over to the door. "There's no way..."

You smirked, leaning against the wall. "Good luck finding a cab at this time of night."

He stopped, his hand on the doorknob as he faced the door. "Then I'll walk."

"And you live how far away?"

He turned around quickly, which answered your question. "Well I'm not staying here with you."

"Like you have a choice," you said, unfolding your arms as your smile faded. "It's not like I even wanted you here. Pete was the one who dropped you off." He looked up, cursing Pete under his breath. You could only shake your head at him. "What the Hell is your problem?" It was all you could think of to say. He sighed frustratedly, his arms falling to his sides as he looked up at the ceiling. You continued. "Huh? What the Hell is wrong with you? We haven't spoken in months, and you can only be a complete dick to me." He still looked away, ignoring you. "At least I told you the truth, you know? At least I let you know." Your voice fell to an angry, raspy whisper as you stepped closer to him. You pointed to your chest. "I could've completely lied to you. I could've said I was somewhere else that night. I could've pretended I was with Courtney, or something. Or I could've let you leave on tour thinking that," your voice rose, "I kept your stupid, _fucking_ promise!" His face was expressionless as he finally looked at you. You noticed his arms were tense. "And you know what the best part is about this whole thing?" You could feel your eyes stinging. "We weren't even dating. I didn't even _cheat_ on anyone. I only did what I wanted my own, single self to do." His eyes darted away as his jaw clenched. He put his hands behind his head, locking his fingers and holding his arms in the air. "Yes, Patrick, you heard me; I wanted to do it." You were almost taunting him now. You were fighting against the burning feeling in your throat. Tears boiled in your eyes, and you struggled to hold them in. "I _wanted_ to have sex with him. And I don't regret any second of it." _I'm lying through my teeth._

He snapped, stumbling over his words as they all poured like vomit from his lips. "Then what the Hell are you doing here! What the fu- Damnit. Just go back home to him! Stop trying to ruin my life!"

You could tell you'd said something that hit him harder than your fist did earlier; it was obvious from the look on his face. His cheeks went completely white, his eyes bright as he glared at you. You felt like you were going to fall through the floor.

You walked to your bedroom door, opening it and mumbling over your shoulder, "There are blankets in the closet."

_I've had enough of your games_

_if you're not trembling, you'd better be_

_cause we're gonna be the end of you_

_I've had enough of your games_

_I'm gonna show them who you are_

_and I can tell you right now, __it won't be pretty_

_I'm a coward, not a fighter. Disguised as a lover._

You woke up the next morning to the sound of rain pounding against your glass window. You slowly opened your eyes, looking out to see a dark, gray sky peering back at you. It mirrored exactly how you felt. You stood from the bed and made your way to the door. As you swung it open, the blood rushed to your head and you held on tightly. A cloudy color created a tunnel in your eyes, and you reached up to rub them. Your vision slowly came back to you as you stared at a Patrick-less couch in your living room. _Big surprise._ Walking over to grab the blanket that was tossed on the floor, you noticed a small, yellow post-it note stuck to the table next to an empty coffee cup. You hung the blanket on your forearm as you picked up the note.

J-

_Why did he call me "J?"_

Your coffee sucks. And I have to be somewhere, so, as you can see, I left. But for some weird reason, I want to see you later. Meet me for some real coffee. I'll be at Argo Tea around five. I can understand if you don't want to talk... So I'll wait for you for a little bit. Either you'll show, or you won't.

Patrick.


	35. Chapter 35

**35: I Can't Remember The Good Ol' Days**

***Author's note: We are now into my own chapters! Yay! I hope you like it!**

_My mind is a safe  
And if I keep it in, we all get rich_

It was almost five pm and you were staring at Patrick's note again, debating whether you should go or not. There was so much you wanted to say to him; you wanted so much for him to understand…but after the night before, you weren't sure you could. And to have a repeat fight would only tear you apart more. You sighed and glared out at the rain that had continued to fall all day. Before you knew what you were doing, you crumpled the note and grabbed your keys. _I have to do this; he has to know_, you told yourself.

You pulled into the parking lot and turned off your car. _Breathe, you idiot. Get out of the car—do something!_ You pulled your keys from the ignition and forced yourself to leave the safety of your car. You cautiously opened the café door and froze when you saw Patrick sitting towards the back. In front of him sat a cup of coffee while he played with a few sugar packets. A waitress appeared next to him, offering to refresh his cup with a friendly smile. He kindly declined and she went on her way to the next table. He had pulled out his wallet and was about to pay when he glanced towards the door and saw you standing there. Your stomach fell, twisted and turned as you made your way over to where he sat.

"How's your head?" you asked.

"I'll live," he answered flatly.

The two of you sat in awkward silence. You glanced periodically at Patrick, but the bill of his hat hid any expression he may have worn. You jumped when he slammed a few dollars on the table.

"Let's go for a drive."

"What?"

"Are you coming or not?" he asked sharply. You stood and followed him out to his blue Civic. He unlocked the doors and you both got in. Patrick put his keys in the ignition but didn't start the car. Instead, he huffed and you turned to look at him.

_She said she's no good with words  
But I'm worse_

"I'm sorry." His words were monotonous.

"Damnit, Patrick! 'I'm sorry'? After all these months, I came to talk to you, but you _wouldn't let_ me! You just blew up in my face! Now all you have to say is, '_I'm sorry_'?"

"What the Hell am I supposed to say, Julie? Am I supposed to just brush aside what you did and let you back in my life? Or were you hoping for something a little more like, 'I want you; I need you, baby, oh baby'?" he yelled sarcastically. "Please tell me because I'm a little confused."

"Patrick-" you started.

"Do you have any idea how you made me feel? I feel like shit, and last night only made me feel worse. You killed me, Julie. You fucking ripped me apart that night when you told me you slept with him! But what you said last night was the perfect icing on the whole goddamn cake. I realized you were right. I had been lying to myself since I met you. I had actually convinced myself that we were together. I mean, Hell, that's what it felt like to me! But you made it painfully clear to me last night that we never were. You were _totally_ free to have sex with him. Still, it killed me to know that you were never really mine." His watery eyes burned bright with the raging fire he felt. He blinked and looked away.

"You left before I could explain."

"What could there possibly have been to explain? I would have done anything for you and you kept stringing me along while your heart really belonged to another guy! It seems pretty fucking simple to me!"

"You don't understand!" You were so angry to the point of fighting off tears as you yelled back. "I was going to lose you!"

"No, I'm pretty sure the only way you would have lost me is by doing something like what you did."

"You're not listening!"

Patrick glared at you again. "Well I don't hear you talking, honey."

"You were leaving on tour! I didn't know if I'd ever see you again after you left…I was going to lose you," you repeated. Your voice broke.

"Of course we would have seen each other again. I would have called everyday, and it was for a few months! I would have come back when the tour was over!"

"But what if you didn't? I couldn't live with that, so—"

"So you threw me away like yesterday's news?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Patrick. You were gone for the weekend and I needed someone to talk to. Alex just happened to be there, willing to listen. At some point, he went in to kiss me and I never pulled away. I knew it was wrong; I wanted to stop it, but I just…couldn't. All the fear of never seeing you again had paralyzed me, and his kisses made me feel wanted. Before I knew it, one thing led to another…" you finished lamely. Patrick remained silent and refused to look at you. "If it makes you feel any better, he told everyone at school that I initiated it, that I'm a fucking whore, and then glared at me every time I passed by."

Patrick locked his sorrowful blue eyes on you. "It doesn't make me feel better, Julie. You deserve to be treated better than that. You deserve someone who'll be there for you. Someone who won't pressure you to do something you're not ready for. You deserve someone who truly cares about you. I could have been that guy, Julie, but I deserve better than what you put me through."

"Please, if I ever meant anything to you, give me just one more chance," you begged.

"Why? Because you're afraid of ending up alone? I gotta tell you, if you do end up alone, you'll only have yourself to blame."

"No…because I hated every disgusting second I was with him. I hated myself for doing this to you. I wanted to throw myself in front of every car that I passed. I'm asking for one more chance because I love you, Patrick." You hadn't intended to say it. You weren't even sure it was true until just now. The silence seemed to suffocate you. He wouldn't even look at you.

_Why is this bedroom so cold?_

_Turned away on your side._

_Is my timing that flawed,_

_our respect runs so dry?_

You shook your head in disbelief and left Patrick in his Civic, slamming the door shut behind you. You rushed across the parking lot to your own car. Once inside, you jammed your keys into the ignition and blasted the radio, the middle of My Chemical Romance's _I'm Not Okay (I Promise)_ playing soundtrack as you pulled away from the café. Though your wipers were holding up a fair fight with the pouring rain, your vision blurred and tears ran the course of your cheeks. You noticed the splotch of red turn to a splotch of green and stepped on the gas pedal.

Tires squealed, glass shattered, and cars wrapped around each other with deafening force. The cry of the ambulance followed.

_I used to obsess over living_


	36. Chapter 36

**36: Hell or Glory, I Don't Want Anything In Between**

The incessant beeping pounded in your head and you wished it would just kill you already. The physical pain you felt was nothing compared to how your arguments with Patrick made you feel, and you wanted that pain gone. You heard someone accidentally slam the door shut, followed by a, "Shh!"

"What the Hell?" you groaned and opened your eyes.

"Nice going, Pete. You woke her up," Courtney scolded.

"I was awake before," you assured her. "How'd you guys get in? I thought only family was allowed to see patients immediately."

"Courtney scared half the staff," answered Pete.

"That actually worked?" you asked, slightly amused.

"Not really."

"So you snuck in?"

Courtney hesitated. "You've been unconscious for about three days, Julie. The doctors wouldn't let us in to see you until you woke up."

"It was that bad?" You couldn't believe it.

"Physically, no, but the doctors said it was like you were just giving up anyway. The only serious injury you sustained was a head laceration. I mean, it was deep, but it wasn't enough to kill you, they said." You reached you hand up to touch above your left eyebrow and regretted it instantly. You cursed under your breath. "Shit, Julie! What happened?" Courtney asked.

You bit your bottom lip. "I don't…" You looked away from them. You didn't want to go into detail. _It doesn't matter now anyway…nothing will ever be the same._

"You don't what?" Pete pressed.

"Leave it alone," Courtney commanded under her breath. "Well how are you feeling now?"

"Like I'm in Hell," you answered.

"Do we need to get the doctors to give you more morphine?" she asked you in a motherly tone.

"No thanks."

Pete's phone buzzed. He looked at it, huffed, then frustratedly texted his reply. His phone buzzed again soon after and he muttered a curse. "Courtney, we should go."

"Why?" Pete raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh! Right…yeah. We have to go, but we'll be back in a few hours," she said to you. You nodded, wanting to be alone anyway. Once the door closed behind them, you heard the mumbling of a conversation. Though you couldn't make out distinct words, you could tell that Courtney was getting annoyed. The conversation came to an abrupt halt and you heard Courtney's shoes as they clacked down the hallway. You heard Pete call her name and chase after her.

_What a match  
I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet_

"_Did you hear me, Patrick? I love you! Isn't that enough?" you asked exasperatedly, tears in your eyes._

"_I don't really care anymore. Not since the day I learned that _I_ wasn't good enough." His eyes burned bright with is anger and bitterness. "As far as I'm concerned, you can drop dead, Julie. Or perhaps I will. Either way; it doesn't matter to me." He dipped his head low so the bill of his hat hid his face as he brushed past you._

"_So that's it, then?" you screamed after him. "You're just going to leave again?"_

_He stopped and turned to face you. "No, I was going to get drunk of my ass and play a little game of Russian Roulette. I'll make sure there's only one empty space."_

"_Don't even joke about that," you hissed through clenched teeth._

"_You pulled the trigger a long time ago," he replied in a low voice. You saw a tear escape from the corner of his eye just before he turned around. You called after him, but he didn't answer. You started to follow him, but stopped short in your tracks when you heard the resounding bang of a gun._

You awoke with a start and saw Courtney glaring at the door that had just slammed behind her. "I hate these damn doors," she muttered. "I didn't wake you, did I? I'm sorry," she apologized when she saw that you were awake and staring at her.

"It's fine," you replied hoarsely. You leaned back on your pillows and looked up at the fluorescent ceiling. "I really messed up big time," you sighed.

"What are you talking about?" your friend inquired.

"Nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing."

"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone…not even Pete. I don't want to sound too pathetic," you said solemnly. Courtney just looked at you expectantly. "There's no hope of Patrick and I getting together, is there?"

"That wasn't what I was expecting." You rolled your eyes. "Is that what all this is about? Damnit!" You furrowed your brow in confusion as she pulled out her phone and started texting furiously.

"What are you doing?" you asked, slightly panicking.

"Oh nothing, you just keep talking. You never answered my question."

"It's part of it—most of it. I've just missed him so much. I hate myself for what I did to him."

"Have you told him this?"

"Like he'd listen." You weren't ready to mention your conversation in his car yet.

"Huh. Right. Well that didn't make any sense," Courtney said to herself.

"Of course it did! If I were him, I wouldn't talk to me!"

"Oh, no, not you. Sorry. You made perfect sense, but this text…" She furrowed her brow as she concentrated on her typing. "Continue."

"Why?" you asked bitterly. "You aren't even listening."

She slammed her phone shut. "I've been listening the whole goddamn time! I was listening when you told me the first time what happened! I was listening when you told me how you wish you had never met Alex! And boy was I ever listening when you said that your life felt so empty without Patrick there!" She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a little….hormonal right now."

"It's alright. I understand."

Courtney's phone went off. She looked at it and rolled her eyes. "I'm so sorry, but Pete's being retarded. I have to go yell at his ass. Are you going to be ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Go." The door closed behind your friend and you stared at the wall blankly. The beeping of the machine lulled you into a light sleep.

_I've got troubled thoughts  
And the self-esteem to match  
What a catch_

When you woke up again, there were only small lamps on in the room. You looked to your right and your heart skipped several beats. In a chair next to your bed slept Patrick, his head lolled to one side. You couldn't help but to smile to yourself.

"You're awake?" he asked gruffly, as if he himself had just woken up. He cleared his throat.

"You're here," you whispered.

"Yeah, Courtney and Pete made me finally come in."

"What do you mean?"

"They didn't tell you then?" You shook your head, not understanding. "I've been sitting outside your door since you were rushed to the hospital, I just couldn't bring myself to come in when they started letting in visitors."

"You've been here since the day of the accident?"

"Minus a few hours, but yeah…pretty much."

"Patrick-" you started.

"Please just let me say this before I lose my nerve." You nodded. "I never knew that one person could hurt you so badly and simultaneously make you want to be with them. I was furious with myself for that. I hated that I still felt anything for you after what you did, even though we were never really together. And I hated that you were more than free to make the choice you did. I hated myself for living in the fantasy where I was all you ever needed." He took a shaky breath. "But then…those things you said in my car…I dunno. Something inside me just…snapped into place, I guess. But before I could make myself do or say anything, you were gone. A minute later, I heard the crash and I didn't want to look because somehow, I knew it was you. I couldn't bear to think that I had lost you again before I got the chance to get you back. So I followed the ambulance to the hospital." A pained expression spread across his weary face. "When I saw your car torn to shreds, bowed in on the driver's side the way it was, I knew I had to tell you if it was the last thing I could do for you. I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to speak to you again. I didn't want to be too slow to react, not this time. I love you too, Julie."

"Do me a favor?" you asked, tears stinging in your eyes.

"Anything."

"Don't be too slow to react ever again." He stood and leaned in towards you, gently brushing his soft lips against yours. You laced your fingers in his hair and pulled him in closer to deepen the kiss. It was unlike any kiss you had shared before.

"Stay with me," you whispered as he slowly pulled away.

_Best friends, ex-friends to the end  
Better off as lovers and not the other way around_


	37. Chapter 37

**37: I've Already Given Up On Myself Twice**

You awoke early the next morning facing Patrick. He was asleep in the chair, but his upper half lay on your bed; his hand rested only an inch or two from yours. You saw his hat was slightly askew, rumpling his hair underneath, and you couldn't help but to smile. You reached out and tucked a stray strand of his reddish-blonde hair behind his ear. He mumbled something then opened his eyes. "Good morning," you said as he sat up.

"How are you feeling?"

You smiled. "I'm much better now."

A nurse came in carrying a tray of breakfast food. "Oh good, you're awake. The doctor will be in shortly to see you," she said as she set the tray on the table she'd pulled over your legs.

You scrunched your nose as you lifted a spoonful of grey mush and let it plop back into the bowl. Patrick laughed. "This is absolutely disgusting. Why would anyone eat this?"

"What if it tastes really delicious and you just don't know it?" he asked.

"I don't even know what it is. It just looks like a bowl of grey disgustingness to me."

"Oh don't hurt the food's feelings; I think it's trying to be oatmeal," he joked.

You pushed the bowl towards him. "Well, I think because you love oatmeal so much, you should eat this."

He laughed again. "Not on your life. Besides, who knows when you last ate real food." You just grinned. "What?"

"I missed your laugh," you answered. Before either of you could say anything more, the doctor came in.

"Miss Ridgway, it seems I have some good news for you," he said cheerily. You looked at him expectantly. "You're recovering well. It'll be a while before your stitches on your head can be removed, but your leg made a clean break. You'll be able to get the cast off in a matter of weeks." You hadn't even noticed your left leg was plastered in a cast. "And the best news yet is that you can go home this afternoon. We recommend that you take a few weeks off from work, however. You need to give yourself plenty of time to heal, otherwise your leg might heal incorrectly from too much weight applied for too long. You have to come in two weeks from now to get your stitches changed. If necessary, we'll have further instructions for you then. In the meantime, you'll have to sign some papers and we'll get your prescriptions ready for you. Do you have any questions?" You shook your head. "Great. That's all I have for you right now; call if you need anything." And with that, he left.

"That's great that you get to go home today!" Patrick proclaimed happily.

"Yeah, but I don't know what I'm going to do though. I can't be on my leg for a few weeks."

Patrick looked you in the eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Julie. I'll be there for you whether or not you want me to be.

***

You and Patrick finally reached your apartment and he practically carried you to your bedroom. He made you lie in bed and put a pillow under your broken leg.

"Now," he started, "What do you need?"

"A hug would be nice," you answered. He smiled, sat next to you and pulled you into a warm embrace.

"I'm serious, though. What do you need?" he repeated as he pulled away.

"I'm fine, I promise. I'm not even in pain."

He gave you a skeptical look. "Let me put it to you this way: You haven't physically ingested normal food in days; I'm going to order you some food. Now, either you can choose, or I'm choosing for you."

"Patrick, I swear I'm-" you stopped as your stomach interrupted.

He smirked. "As you were saying?"

You rolled your eyes. "Fine. I guess I could do with some Chinese or something." He smiled then left to call in the order. In those few short minutes, everything came crashing down on you. Reality had reared its ugly head and was glaring you in the face. Your thoughts tore at you, nagged you, until Patrick returned to find you with your head in your hands and tears beginning to fall.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he took his spot next to you.

"This wasn't how things were supposed to be. I messed up and now things will never be the same."

"I don't deny that we took a rather undesirable and circuitous route to get here…" he trailed off when he saw you shaking your head.

"It still shouldn't have happened like this. I should never have hurt you. I should have listened to myself—to you. And I shouldn't have let him-" You took a deep breath, tears stinging in your eyes before they fell. "I always imagined my first time being something special. I always thought that it'd be with a guy who loved me. I always imagined-" you broke short again as your tears overflowed to streams running down your cheeks. Patrick pulled you into him and you cried into his shoulder. "He should have been a gentleman." You dropped your voice lower, "He should have been you." Patrick made no sign that he'd heard you, but held you closer and stroked your hair. You stayed like this until time melted away. It was the buzzer that brought you both back to reality.

"That'll be the food. I'll be back, ok?" he said softly. You nodded and he kissed you gently, his lips barely touching yours, before he left. The once familiar rabid butterflies that usually resided in your stomach had returned and migrated to your chest, taking over where your heart should be.

_I was born under a bad sign,_

_But you saved my life_

_That night on the roof of your hotel_

_"Cross my heart and hope to die,_

_Splinter from the headboard in my eye"_

_Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well_

You had let Patrick choose some movies to watch with you for the remainder of the night. You were almost through with the last of the original Star Wars movies when you started to fall asleep. Patrick noticed and laughed a little. You looked up at him. "What?"

"We'll finish the movie tomorrow."

"No," you protested, "I'm watching it, really." Your words slurred together with exhaustion.

"With your eyes closed and using me as a pillow? I don't think so." He turned off the TV and DVD player. "Do you need anything before you go to sleep?" You fought off a yawn and shook your head. "Alright, I'll be out in the living room then." He kissed your forehead and headed towards the door. You called his name, making him stop in the doorway. He turned to face you.

"Stay with me tonight?" He smiled in response then turned off the light after you turned on your lamp, then returned to his previous spot.

You positioned yourself in his arms and he rubbed his thumb over your bare arm. Your rhythmic breathing matched his as you listened to his heartbeat. "Julie?" he said quietly.

"Hmm?" You were almost asleep.

"You know what you said earlier? About how you wished it had been me?"

"Mmhmm."

"I wish it had been me too."

_So he did hear me._ You smiled and pulled yourself closer to him. "I love you," you mumbled before falling asleep. Patrick pulled the blanket over your exposed shoulder and kissed you on the forehead.


	38. Chapter 38

**38: Honey Is For Bees, Silly Bear**

Over the course of the month, you had become nearly inseparable from Patrick. For the most part, it felt as if nothing had ever happened between you, that you had been dating the entire time you knew each other. But try as hard as you both did, there was still something a little different between you and you knew that you were the one who caused it. Patrick had tried adamantly to convince you that he had completely forgiven you of anything you may have ever done, but you still caught him staring at you every now and then with an indiscernible look in his eye. You tried to ignore it, but you knew that that look meant that he was still hurt that, not only did you sleep with Alex, but you didn't wait until you were ready. You yourself hated this and it made you feel sick every time you thought of it. And yet, in spite of everything, one other aspect of your relationship with Patrick had changed. You two were closer than ever and he was all the more protective of you. If there was anything that you needed, he was right there to get it for you. If there was anything that you didn't need or want, he'd get it for you just in case. And he was insistent that you take your medication if you felt remotely in pain. He hardly let you do anything on your own, but you didn't mind. You were ecstatic that he was in your life at all, let alone openly in love with you. Most days, Patrick would work on writing new music while you listened. He loved hearing your advice, however unhelpful it was. Most of the time, you were incapable of saying anything other than how much you loved it. Then you'd argue lightly when he said that you were crazy because he wasn't very good. Those little arguments never lasted long and usually ended either when you punched him playfully in the arm or when Pete joined in and finally convinced him to admit that he had at least _some_ talent. It drove both you and Pete absolutely insane that Patrick always thought so little of himself.

A few more weeks later, your cast had been taken off and you were supposed to go back to work the next day. "I'm going to miss just sitting with you all day," you said as you lay with your head on his stomach.

"So don't go," he answered.

You watched your hand in his as he played with your fingers. "I can't do that," you finally answered a minute later.

"Why not?"

"Because…I need a job. Life takes money and I don't have much," you said with a pout.

"You know, I wouldn't object to helping you out while you found a better job or something," he offered.

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to do something like that."

"But you don't mind if Pete helps pay the rent?"

You smiled. "That wasn't my idea."

"But you're still going along with it," he pointed out.

You sighed. "You and your logical reasoning."

"So does that mean you're going to take my offer?"

You frowned slightly. "It wouldn't feel right."

"Julie," he said firmly. "Take the offer."

"I doesn't matter what I say, does it? You're not going to leave me alone until I agree, are you?"

He laughed. "Not at all."

You smiled at him. "Has anyone ever told you that you're too good?"

"Um, guys?!" came a panicked call from Pete. "_Guys_! I-we need…help. We need…hospital!" he called over a muffled cry from Courtney. Both yours and Patrick's smiles faded and you rushed out of your room towards the living room. Pete was spinning in zigzag patterns through the living room as he rushed to find things he'd forgotten, like his phone, shoes, Courtney's emergency bags, and even Courtney.

"You go get Courtney, I'll calm Pete down," instructed Patrick. You rushed to Courtney and Pete's bedroom to find her holding on to the dresser for support. You pulled her arm over your shoulder to support her the best you could and the two of you made your way awkwardly towards the door.

"I don't know if I can get her to a car by myself," you told Patrick.

He nodded then turned towards Pete. "Just follow us to the car." Pete nodded and Patrick helped you support Courtney.

"Focus on your breathing," you told Courtney all the way to Patrick's car. She tried while nodding then shaking her head in pain.

"It's-not-working!" she said between gasps of breath. Patrick opened the door and you got in the backseat with Courtney while Pete and Patrick sat up front.

"Dude! You have to drive faster!" Pete yelled at Patrick.

"I'm driving as fast as I can, Pete!" he yelled over a scream from Courtney.

"It'll be ok; just focus on your breathing," you coached her.

"Aren't we there yet?" Pete asked. His face had been drained of color.

"We're almost there," Patrick assured him.

"We better-damnwell be-almost-there! This baby's-coming-either-way!" Courtney said through clenched teeth. And so the conversation went for the next few minutes until you had finally reached the hospital. Patrick opened the door and he and Pete helped Courtney out. Pete led her inside while you and Patrick followed. Courtney was seated immediately in a wheelchair and wheeled away by a nurse through a set of double doors. Pete followed closely behind.

You leaned against Patrick. "God, I'm so nervous _for_ her. I can only imagine the amount of pain she must be in right now."

"She'll be fine." He led you to a set of chairs in the waiting room.

"I'm sure, but still…If you think about it, it's like shoving a watermelon through a straw."

Patrick laughed. "I think that's just a small reason why they call it a miracle." You smiled and laced your fingers with his.

"I just hope for everyone's safety that she's not in labor too long. She gets pretty violent when she's in pain, and this is by far the worst pain that she's ever felt." A nurse entered the area through the double doors and you heard yelling from somewhere close behind them.

"Goddamn you, Pete! I fucking hate you! No! Stay with me! I need you! I love you!"

You looked at Patrick with a look of amusement mixed with concern. "Poor Pete," you said. Patrick just nodded. After that, you both fell silent. For the next few hours, you waited anxiously in the waiting room. You rested your head on Patrick's shoulder while he played with your fingers or stroked your hair.

It was after 2 am and you were fighting to stay awake. You were now curled on two armless chairs with your head in Patrick's lap, using it as a pillow. His arm covered yours in attempts to keep you warm against the cool draft in the waiting room. He was running his thumb rhythmically back and forth over the area just above your elbow. Your breathing became shallow and you surrendered to sleep.

_It's not what it seems in the land of dreams  
Don't worry your head, just go to sleep_

What felt like seconds later, you were awoken by the low, whispered sounds of Pete and Patrick's voices. You opened your eyes and sat up. "What's going on?" you mumbled as you stifled a yawn.

"I'm officially a daddy!" Pete announced. He sounded exhausted to the point of passing out, though he was genuinely beaming from ear to ear.

"When?" you asked.

"4:07 in the morning," he answered.

"4:07? What time is it now?"

Patrick looked at his watch. "Just about 5."

"How's Courtney?"

"She's sleeping," answered Pete. You just nodded. "Do you want to see the baby?" he asked with a toothy grin.

"Yeah, of course," answered Patrick. You both stood and followed Pete down a hall, stopping before a large picture window looking into a room with rows of newborn babies swathed in pink and blue blankets. "He's that one, there…farthest left in the row closest to us," Pete said as he pointed.

"You have a baby boy?" you asked.

Pete nodded. "Yeah. His name's Bronx." A nurse came up to the three of you and told Pete that Courtney was asking for him. "I'll be back," he said as he turned to leave.

You and Patrick stood in front of the window, looking at Pete and Courtney's newborn baby boy sleep. "He looks so little, so fragile," you marveled, leaning into Patrick.

He wrapped his arms around you. "But he's beautiful," he inputted softly.

Your heart skipped a few beats at his words. "Have you ever thought about wanting to be a dad?"

Patrick hesitated before finally answering. "I have."

"And?"

He huffed slightly. "If I ever am, I won't be disappointed about it." You said nothing but laced your fingers with his.


	39. Chapter 39

**39: Why Can you Read Me Like No One Else?**

"Welcome home, my beautiful baby boy!" Courtney cooed as she entered the apartment a few days later. She crossed the living room and sat on the couch with Bronx in her arms. Pete sat next to her.

"I bet your glad to be out of the hospital," you said with a smile.

"Oh yes. The nurses were driving me insane! They kept saying how young I looked and how adorable Bronx is. They wouldn't leave me alone! They just kept coming in giving me advice and instructions!"

You laughed. "That's kind of their job. And you _are _young. We're not even a year out of high school."

"So, I'm still an adult." You just rolled your eyes. The tiny bundle in Courtney's arms moved a little and you just watched. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked you with a smile unfamiliar to you.

"Oh, um, no…I'm good, I think," you answered awkwardly.

"Oh come on. Just hold him for a little while. After all, you're pretty much his aunt and you _are_ his godmother," Courtney said as she came over to you and placed Bronx in your arms. You froze, afraid to move incase you woke him or, worse, hurt him. His tiny fist emerged from the pale blue blanket and he yawned. He slightly opened his chocolaty brown eyes and looked up at you. You felt a rush of emotions in the pit of your stomach and smiled, relaxing.

"Hi," you said quietly. "You _are_ a beautiful little boy, aren't you? One day, you're going to have to fight off all the ladies with a stick. You look so much like your daddy, except you've got your mommy's lips. That's a good thing, because I personally think your daddy has a big mouth." You giggled and looked up at Pete. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth."

"Remind me to hurt you for that later…when you're not holding my son," Pete said.

You continued to smile and looked at Patrick. "Your turn to hold him," you said, placing Baby Bronx in his awaiting arms. As Patrick smiled down at Bronx, your stomach squirmed again. You could plainly see the adoration and love in Patrick's eyes and smile as he told the baby all the things that he'd do for him as an 'uncle'. All you could do was watch with a small smile.

After a while, Courtney was starting fall asleep on the couch, so you and Patrick stood. "I'm staying at Patrick's for a while, so you two can get used to being parents," you told Pete.

"You mean to get away from a crying baby in the middle of the night when you're trying to sleep," he corrected.

You smiled. "Bye, Pete!" You shut the door quietly behind you as you left. "They're going to be great parents," you thought out loud as you made your way to Patrick's car. His hand found yours as you walked side by side.

The ride to Patrick's apartment was quiet. The radio played softly in the background while you watched out your window, lost in thought.

_All the ways you make my stomach turn_

_and all the long drives_

It was almost 2:30 am and you were wide awake, your mind continually running the same thoughts through about the past few days. Finally you couldn't take it any longer. You sighed. "Patrick?" you asked quietly.

"Hmmm?" You could tell that he had almost fallen asleep.

You paused, unsure of how to say what was on your mind. "What would you say if I told you I was pregnant?"

"You're pregnant? By who? I mean, we never—" He was wide awake now.

"No, I'm not. I promise I'm not. But say we had and I was pregnant with your baby…what would you say?"

There was a moment of silence while Patrick thought. Finally he huffed and said, "I wouldn't want to put you in a position you're not ready for."

You sighed. "But that's ultimately my decision," you argued. You've always hated it when people tried to tell you what you were old enough for or not.

"True," he consented, defeated.

You pulled yourself into his arms and rested your head on his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on edge like that."

He wrapped his arm around your waist. "It's okay." You lay in silence for a few minutes.

"Patrick?" you asked again.

"Yeah?"

"You want to be a dad, don't you?" You felt you knew the answer already, but you still wanted to hear him say it.

"I do…someday," he finally answered. "Julie?"

You smiled. "Yes?"

"Do _you_ want kids?"

"Honestly?" You rolled onto your stomach to face him, practically laying ontop of him. Patrick nodded in the dark. "I'd be scared out of my mind. I mean, this tiny, fragile human is depending on you to survive. And then there's the sleepless nights of crying, diaper changing, and bottle feeding…But on the other hand," you smiled, "there're the looks of love and adoration that they give you….And the knowledge that you created this little person…that they're the best parts of two people in love. I think someday I'd like to have that. So, yes—to answer your question—someday."

Patrick said nothing, but leaned up and kissed you. When he broke away after a few seconds, you kissed him again, deeper this time. Each kiss became a soft push or pull, each one deeper as you tried to get as close to each other as possible. Patrick's touch always remained surprisingly gentle, never more than a caress. The rabid butterflies ran rampid and free all over within you. You entangled your fingers in his hair while he slid his hand to the center of your back, your shirt riding up. He slowly led a trail of soft kisses down your neck and back to your lips. You wrapped your leg around his and he traded places with you, so you were laying on your back. That's where the kisses stopped. You looked up at him with a confused look and saw that he wore a slightly pained expression. Already knowing your question, he said in a husky voice, "I'm sorry. I just don't think that we're, you know, ready…at this point in our relationship. I want everything to go right; I don't want to just rush into things." He sat up with his back to you. "God, I feel like such an idiot," he muttered.

You sat up as well and leaned your head on his shoulder. "I don't think you're an idiot. I think you're amazing." You kissed his shoulder. "And I think you're right. I've screwed up this relationship once before, and I think it's all the more necessary for us to take our time. It's unfortunate that you have to be strong enough for both of us to keep us both in check."

"It is so hard for me…it took everything I had to stop just now."

"Someday we'll be ready. Someday, we'll get there," you assured him.

He turned to face you. "I really would do anything for you," he said. You gave him a light kiss. "I mean it." You kissed him again.

"I'll do my best to be stronger, to keep myself in check," you promised him, laying back down. You watched him watching you, still unsure of himself. "I'll be good, I promise," you said with a smile. He relaxed a little and lay back in his previous position. You pulled yourself in his arms again, resting your head on his chest once more. His arm held your slender waist again. His thumb ran a light pattern over your side, while yours did the same on his stomach. Finally exhaustion over took you and you started to drift off to seep.

"Julie?" Patrick whispered quietly.

"Hmm?" You hardly made a sound.

"I love you." You pulled yourself slightly closer as you fell asleep.


	40. Chapter 40

**40: I've Got Troubled Thoughts and the Self-esteem to Match**

The Chicago weather was now changing dramatically as October came to a close. It was now little more than two months since the slightly early arrival of Baby Bronx, and since then, you've slowly moved into Patrick's apartment. Though you were still looking for a new job, most days, Patrick would distract you as he worked on new songs. When he wasn't working on a new melody, the two of you were with Pete and Courtney playing with Bronx. Somedays you babysat, Patrick always the one to spoil Bronx.

Your phone rang, vibrating on your bedside table. You opened your eyes, saw that it was only 7 am, groaned and answered your phone. "This had better be an emergency," you mumbled.

"I'm so sorry," Courtney apologized. "I know it's early, but Pete's going to New York for some reason—I can't remember—" You heard Pete in the background. "Yeah, that," she said as if you were able to understand Pete. "Anyway, I really need a break, so I'm going with him. Only thing is the plane leaves in a few hours and I still need someone to babysit. Normally, I wouldn't dream of asking this of you, especially since you haven't done any overnight babysitting, but—"

You interrupted, "How long are you gone?"

"Just a few days…about three," she answered.

"Yeah, of course I'll babysit. I'll be over soon."

"Thank you so much! I swear I'll never ask you to do this ever again!"

"Uh-huh," you said, knowing better.

"Ok, at least not for a long time."

"Goodbye, Courtney," you said before hanging up. You threw your phone to the foot of the bed and groaned.

"What was that about?" Patrick asked groggily.

"Pete and Courtney are going to New York for three days and want us to babysit." You rubbed your eyes. "I should go soon."

"You're staying over there then?"

"That would make sense. We don't exactly have a crib or anything over here," you answered. Patrick got up and started pulling clothes from the closet. "What are you doing?"

"Packing," he answered simply.

"You can sleep longer, you know."

He shrugged. "That's ok. I don't see the point in you taking a taxi when I'll just be over soon anyway. Besides, I'm already awake." He pulled out your bag and started packing your things for you.

"There you go again, being all logical and whatnot," you said with a smile.

He smiled back. "I try." You forced yourself out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom to get dressed while Patrick finished packing and dressed in the bedroom. "Ready?" he asked when you emerged. You nodded and pulled on a jacket and grabbed your bag. The motion of the drive mixed with the early morning nearly lulled you to sleep by the time you got to Pete's and Courtney's apartment.

"Thank you so much for doing this! I owe you big!" Courtney said for the tenth time.

"I know and you're welcome. Now go or you're going to miss your plane," you told her.

"Oh, right." She looked at her watch.

Pete returned from the parking garage. "Everything's in the car. Oh, and I put the car seat in your car, Patrick," Pete announced.

"How'd you even get _in_ to my car?" Pete just gave Patrick a mischievous smile. "You scare me sometimes."

"Ready?" Pete asked Courtney, ignoring Patrick's comment. She nodded hesitantly. "What's wrong?"

"It's just that we've never left Bronx for more than a few hours. Are we sure he can handle being away from us for so long?"

"Probably better than we can," Pete assured her. "Don't worry. Besides, Patrick'll spoil him so much that he won't even know we're gone."

"But he's still so little and—"

Pete sighed. "He'll be fine, but we're going to be late if we don't leave now."

"Ok. Thanks again you guys!" Courtney told you again before leaving.

You hardly had time to put your bags in your old room (which was now Bronx's room) and sit on the couch before Bronx woke up crying. Patrick was immediately on his feet and in the baby's room. Bronx's cries soon subsided. After a few minutes, Patrick emerged with Bronx in his arms.

"Can you heat a bottle for me?"

"Sure, but what about Bronx?" you joked. Patrick smiled then swayed lightly with Bronx while you prepared a bottle. You tested it on your wrist to make sure it wasn't too hot and handed it to Patrick.

"Thanks," he said before going to the couch. As you watched the two of them, butterflies formed in the pit of your stomach and you felt your cheeks flush. All you could do was smile. "Are you going to stand in the kitchen all day, or are you going to join us?" Patrick asked you, pulling you out of your reverie.

"Oh, yeah." You made yourself comfortable next to him, curling up on the cushion.

"You're awfully quiet today," Patrick commented to you after a few minutes of silence. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really. Just thinking, I guess."

"About what?"

You shrugged. "Life in general. Nothing too important."

"I dunno. I'd say life is a pretty important category," he said with a smile.

"I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing, you know? I mean, I'm not in college, I don't have a job, I don't have a career planned out…the only thing I know for certain anymore is that I love you. But I hate being so dependent on you for everything. I mean, I live with you, you pay my way for everything, you drive me places whenever possible, you're always there for me when I need you—don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. But after what I did to you, how on earth could I possibly deserve you?"

"I think that you can do anything you want. If you want to write a book, then write a book. If you want to work retail, then do that. If you want to act, by all means, bust out the Shakespeare. Do what makes you happy. As for what happened between us, that was almost a year ago now. While we can't pretend it never happened, we can learn from it. If our being together was never supposed to happen, then we wouldn't be together, but we are. I've told you before, I would do anything, absolutely anything, for you. Don't be so hard on yourself." Any response more than a smile that you may have had was forgotten when Bronx hiccupped and started his pre-cry wimpering. Patrick threw a towel over his shoulder and gently rubbed Bronx's back to burp him.

***

Patrick had put Bronx down for his nap then returned to his place next to you on the couch. You stiffled a yawn and lay your head on his shoulder. You turned on the TV and flipped through the channels for a while until you came across the Office. Naturally, a commercial started playing as soon as you set down the remote. "I've been thinking," you said.

"What about?"

"What you said earlier. I think I'd like to teach."

"Really?" He was completely surprised by this.

"Yeah. Well, not like actual school teaching, but I think I'd like to teach piano. It's something that I'm good at, I like kids, and there's a place not too far from the apartment. It makes sense to at least give it a try," you explained.

"So long as it's something that you want to do, then it sounds great to me."

"I think it might be," you answered with a smile. "I'm going to miss listening to you write your songs though. I mean, what are you going to do without all my useful insight?"

Patrick laughed. "I think I'll manage. But actaully, this is pretty good timing. We were talking about getting together for some serious practicing so we can start recording."

"I see how you are. You're just starting to get tired of me but don't want to admit it," you said with a smile.

"Oh yes," he answered, playing along.

You sat up with a devious glint in your eye and a smirk. "There's just one problem though, you'll never really be able to get rid of me. I'm afraid you're stuck with me from here on out."

Patrick grinned. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

You returned his grin and kissed him. "But what about holidays?" you asked when you pulled away.

"What do you mean?" Patrick asked, completely confused.

"I just remembered that my mom called. She's already trying to find out what my plans are for both Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"Oh." There was a moment of silence while he thought. "I guess that's all up to you. Whatever you decide, we'll do it. If you want to spend the holdays with your family, we'll go. If you want to stay in Chicago, we'll stay. I mean it. We'll do whatever you want."

"What about you? Don't you want to be with your family?"

"Yes, but you're just as important to me as they are," he said.

"Oh gees, you're so helpful," you said sarcastically.

"Only about as helpful as you are when I ask your advice when I'm writing." Patrick smiled.

"Really? You're going to play that card?"

Patrick laughed. "Yes. Yes I am."

"Ok, so long as we've got that straight." You sighed and lay your head on his shoulder again. "I don't know." You both fell silent as you watched the Office and tried to figure out your plans for the holidays.


	41. Chapter 41

**41. The Secret No One Told Us**

You looked at the clock and saw that it read 3:25 AM. You sighed, rolled onto your other side, and closed your eyes for another attempt at sleep. Meanwhile, Patrick was practically dead to the world next to you, and had been for a few hours. You ventured another glance at the clock: 3:30. You buried your face in your pillow and tried counting sheep. That at least kept your mind preoccupied for a while…until the sheep started to get antsy and numbers 155,156, and 157 all jumped at once, followed by an entire stampede of sheep. Your eyes snapped open once more. Some evil magnetic force made you glance at the clock again: 3:45. You sat up and combed your fingers through your hair to push back your bangs. Wearily you watched the crib. _I'm being absurd_, you thought exasperatedly. _I _have_ to sleep sometime!_ With that, you lay back down and closed your eyes once more. A while later, you felt Patrick turn over in his sleep and wrap his arm around your waist. You smiled to yourself, relaxed, and finally drifted off to sleep.

_It's not what it seems in the land of dreams,  
Don't worry your head, just go to sleep._

When you next awoke, you noticed that the room was naturally lit, however dim, and Patrick was missing. When you opened your eyes, you were facing the crib. Patrick was standing with his back turned to you and was swaying gently with Bronx. You heard that he was singing softly and smiled. You stood quietly, crossed the room and wrapped your arms around Patrick's waist, hugging him from behind. "Good morning," you nearly whispered.

"Good morning," Patrick said with a smile. Bronx looked up at you and yawned. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm so tired still. I couldn't sleep to save my life last night. I kept thinking that Bronx would wake up crying as soon as I fell asleep," you answered.

"You could go back to bed, you know. It's only 7:30."

"But what would you do?"

"I was going to take Bronx through his usual morning routine. You know…feeding, burping, a little play time, maybe watch a movie or something."

"I never thought a year ago that our lives would lead us here, to this conversation," you said with a giggle.

Patrick laughed a little as well. "Yeah, well..." You followed Patrick out of the bedroom and into the living room. He and Bronx went to look at the DVDs while you went to the kitchen to heat a bottle. "So what do you want to watch?"

"I don't care. I'll probably end up falling asleep a few minutes in anyway."

"What happened to the woman who always took control?" Patrick asked jokingly.

"Her absurd brain wouldn't let her sleep." Patrick smiled and you came into the living room with the warmed bottle. Patrick handed you Bronx so he could pick out a movie. You sat on the couch while feeding Bronx. Hedwig's theme started playing and you laughed. "Really?" It was the same Harry Potter that you two had seen in the theaters with the rest of the guys.

"You said you didn't care," he answered with a smirk. He then shrugged, "Besides, I thought it'd be easy for you to sleep to."

You smiled. "You're so considerate."

"I try," he answered. He moved to take Bronx from your arms, but you stopped him. "It's ok. I've got him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You can take some time to relax. You've hardly put him down since we've been here," you answered.

"Ok then. If you insist."

"Nope. I demand it," you corrected with a playful smile.

"Yes, Ms. Ridgway," he said obediently. He leaned back into the couch, resting his arm on the back around your shoulders. You leaned against him and laid you head on his shoulder, Bronx cradled comfortably in one arm and the bottle held in the other. Patrick rubbed his thumb lightly over your shoulder, and you scooted slightly closer to him and let your eyes slowly close.

Your breathing was starting to become deep and measured as sleep began to claim you when Bronx started to cry, jolting you wide awake again. Patrick took him gently in his arms, the burping towel already draped over his shoulder, and leaned him against his shoulder. As soon as Patrick started rubbing Bronx's back, his tears began to subside and were replaced by hiccups. Before long, Bronx burped and spit up a little. He made a small whimpering sound and Patrick cleaned him up and threw the towel in a nearby, conveniently placed laundry basket. He cradled Bronx in his arms and you resumed your previous position leaning against Patrick's side. You smiled as Bronx made a small sigh of contentment and smiled up at you two.

"I think someone loves his Uncle Patrick," you said.

"I think it's because I'm so squishy. I'm like the Pilsbury Dough Boy."

"No you're not," you insisted. "I just think it's because you spoil him…and because you absolutely adore him."

"Nah. That can't possibly be it," he said. You both watched as Bronx yawned. You brushed your pinky across Bronx's cheek and he turned his head in that direction. You did it again, but this time, Bronx began to suck on your pinky, tickling you and making you laugh. You looked up at Patrick. "I think babies are growing on you a little," he said with a smile.

"Kids just like me." Patrick raised his eyebrows, knowing better. "Oh shut up," you giggled. You both turned your attention to the movie. Halfway through the movie, you were wide-awake but you couldn't focus. No matter how hard you tried, Harry Potter just didn't seem the least bit interesting. You started to become antsy and began fidgeting and resituating yourself. Finally you gave a slightly exasperated sigh.

Patrick gave you a confused expression. "Are you okay?"

"Just feeling a little restless is all," you explained. "I think I'm going to go shower and get ready for the day. We should go to the park or something," you suggested.

Patrick nodded. "Sounds good. We'll just finish the movie in the meantime…seeing as how you take forever," he teased, a large grin on his face. "I mean, I barely have enough hot water for _my_ showers in the morning!"

You glared playfully at him. "Be thankful I leave you any. I used to steal it all. I should steal it all today," you thought out loud with an eyebrow raised as if you were plotting an evil scheme.

"Knock yourself out. I'll just not shower today."

You scrunched your nose. "That's gross."

He chuckled. "Well, if you steal all the hot water, you then leave me with no other option," he reasoned.

You raised both eyebrows. "You could shower with cold water."

"You're mean when you don't get much sleep, you know that? I would never suggest to _you_ that _you _take a cold shower." He paused. An evil grin spread on his lips. "Though I _would_ throw you in one," he said slowly.

"Remind me again why I'm with you?"

"Because you like to say that you're dating the lead singer of Fall Out Boy?" he ventured a guess.

You shook your head. "No, I don't think that's it. Try again."

He pondered, playing along. "Because you…" You waited expectantly with a smile. "…Because you love me?"

"Damn right, I do," you said softly. He burst into his best Celine Dion impersonation, making you laugh. "Ok. I'm going to shower now."

"Aww, you didn't like my rendition?" Patrick asked as you stood.

"I did. Maybe a little too much. Now I need to go take a shower to cool myself down," you joked.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"No I'm not," you countered as you bounded to the bedroom to hunt for clothes for the day.

_Hey editor, I'm undeniable!  
Hey doctor, I'm certifiable!_

An hour later, you stepped from the tub into the steam-filled room and dressed for the day. You didn't want to do much with your hair, so you just pulled it into a short ponytail. You emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed.

"My turn!" Patrick said gleefully.

"What? But what about the baby?" you wondered out loud.

Patrick gave you a confused look. "Babies don't shower. They have a special little bathtub."

You shook your head. "That's not what I meant. What am I supposed to do with him?"

Patrick's confused expression remained. "You don't have to do much with him. He's asleep right now. I already got him ready to go. If he cries, try to figure out what he needs." You bit your lower lip. "What?"

"I'm not good with babies…not by myself."

"You'll be fine," he assured you. "Besides, I won't take long." You were still feeling apprehensive, but you nodded. "You'll be fine," he repeated reassuringly before heading for the bathroom.

You went to Bronx's room where he lay napping and sat cautiously on the bed. "Ok. It's just you and me for a little while. Please, oh _please_, be good for me," you whispered. Bronx made a small sigh in his sleep as a response. You heard Patrick start the shower and sat tensely in fear Bronx would start crying at any second. A few uneventful minutes went by and you relaxed a little. You leaned back onto the bed and let your eyes fall. As soon as you did, Bronx started whimpering, followed by a loud cry. You shot up and went to the crib and picked him up.

"Shhh. Please don't—don't cry," you pleaded with him over his shrill tears. "Shh. It's ok. I'm here. I've got you." You rocked him slowly in your arms, trying to soothe him. Bronx's cries only got louder. You tried dancing with him, swaying slowly in place. "I don't know what you want. I'm sorry. You can't be hungry yet. And I'm sure your Uncle Patrick changed your diaper not too long ago. Besides, you don't feel wet or smell." Bronx continued to cry in response. "Do you want your binky?" You grabbed the pacifier from the crib and placed it in his mouth only to have him spit it out onto the floor. His tears were not lessened any. You started panicking. "Think, Julie. What would Patrick do?" you asked yourself. "That's retarded. He's so good with kids they don't seem to cry much around him." You looked around the room for an idea. "What would a mother do?" And then an idea came to mind. "Honey is for bees, silly bear. Besides there's jelly beans everywhere," you sang. It was a lullaby you heard Pete work on a few times with Patrick over the past few months. Swaying to the rhythm, you worked your way through the song, stumbling over the lyrics and melody you hardly knew. Bronx started to quiet and his tears had subsided by the end of the song. In your peripheral vision, you saw Patrick standing in the doorway and turned towards him. His smile was soft and loving, like he had something on his mind. It melted away your stress. You smiled in return.

_Little girl, you go me staring odd_


	42. Chapter 42

**42. It's No Coincidence**

"I told you you'd be fine."

You gave Patrick a sheepish grin. "Just please, don't ever leave me alone with him again. I really didn't know what I was doing."

Patrick stepped into the room to stand in front of you. Your eyes were locked on his. "You were perfect." A warm silence fell. "Are we ready to go to the park then?"

"Whenever you are," you answered with a smile. "However…"

"We have to find your jacket," Patrick said to Bronx, using that tone that is so often used with babies. "And I think you need a hat," he said as an afterthought. He went to the closet. A few seconds later he emerged with a tiny dark green jacket and a matching hat that had little flaps to cover the ears. Bronx's lips formed an O and his eyes widened as Patrick put the warmer clothes on him. Patrick mimicked him and you both started laughing.

"You are such a dork," you laughed at Patrick.

"Hey, I'm not the only one who makes faces at babies, ok?" he said in defense.

"Let's go."

"Did you grab the stroller from the closet?" he asked.

"Not yet. Did you get the diaper bag?"

"Yes."

"With lots of extra diapers, wipes, bottles and other miscellaneous things he may need?"

Patrick thought. "Umm…we might make an extra bottle just incase." Patrick struggled with the stroller. "Damnit, Pete," he cursed lightly under his breath when he finally got it out of the closet.

"What did he do?"

"He put the car seat in my car already." You gave him a blank stare. "It connects to the stroller."

You grasped what he was saying. "It's ok. I'll carry him to the car then…so long as you hold him while I make a bottle." He agreed and you handed him Bronx. You went to make an extra bottle. You put it in the diaper bag and checked its contents again.

"You think maybe we should bring him a blanket?" Patrick gave you a questioning glance as he handed Bronx back to you. "I'm just thinking…it's the fall, and we _do_ live in a windy city."

"Got it." He retreated to the bedroom once more and emerged with a blanket. You slung the diaper bag over your shoulder and looked at Bronx reclined in your arms. He kept trying to look around. Patrick returned and tucked the blanket into the unzipped diaper bag. "Are we ready now?"

"I think so." Patrick grabbed his keys and opened the door for you. He wheeled the mobile half of the stroller out the door and the three of you made your way to the car. Patrick opened the backdoor for you and you put Bronx in the car seat/carrier/stroller combo while Patrick stashed the stroller wheels in his trunk.

_3-2-1, we go live._

The late October Chicago air was crisp against your faces as you walked nonchalantly through the park. The leaves had long since lost their green and were starting to fall to the ground, brown and dead. The leaves that had given up on life crunched beneath your feet and the wheels of the stroller. Patrick was pushing Bronx, you had your arm looped around his, and Bronx was watching the world pass by above him.

"I like this."

Patrick agreed. "It feels…normal. Life has felt anything but normal for quite some time. Don't get me wrong. I love being with the guys, being out on the road or in the studio, or whatever. But I also love just being normal."

"I think, for that reason, we should go to your family's house for the holidays. You don't get to see them much."

"You're sure that's what you want?"

"Absolutely." You walked on in silence. A jogger passed you on your left. "So when were you guys planning on working on your new stuff?"

"We might start practicing after Thanksgiving, but nothing too serious until after New Year's. That'd just be stressful…wouldn't feel right. But Pete says he's got some lyrics ready to go and Joe's got some new riffs he's been wanting to try."

"What about Andy? Have you heard from him recently?"

"Not really, but he's busy with his family right now."

"You know, I talked to Sam the other day. She was asking about him."

Patrick gave a look of surprise. "Really? How has she been?"

"Alright, she says she wished I hadn't had to have left, but she understood. She's thinking of moving out here as well, though. Like I said, she was asking about Andy," you repeated with a grin.

"Are you saying you want me to help you play matchmaker?"

You gave a sly smile. "Maybe."

"No."

"Aw, come on. Why not? Don't you want to see Andy happy?"

"You know I do, but I'd rather not have a hand in this. He hates being set up, and if it goes wrong, I want to be able to claim innocence."

"Fine." A breeze blew and you walked closer to Patrick for extra warmth.

An older lady, about sixty with hair going white and thinning, pinned to the top of her head, walked past you then stopped. "You are such a cute little family!" She peered into the stroller. "How old?"

"He's not—"

"About two months now," interrupted Patrick.

"Such a perfect little angel," sighed the woman.

You cleared your throat awkwardly. "We're just babysitting him for a few days while some friends of ours are out of town," you explained. A pit formed in your stomach. "Besides, we're only dating…he's my boyfriend."

The lady gave you a sympathetic smile. "I could have sworn you were just starting a family. It's such a rewarding thing." She then looked at Patrick seriously. "You better get a move on asking this girl to marry you! Life's too short to just wait around."

Patrick grinned, his cheeks flushing a little more red in the brisk fall air. "Yes, ma'am."

"You know, you remind me of my husband. He's always been so polite…just the sweetest man. I almost left him because he was too shy to ask me to marry him. I knew he wanted to, but every time I thought he was going to, he just got flustered or drastically changed the topic. We've been married now for thirty-five years. It's our anniversary today," she announced, beaming. "I'm on my way to meet him for a surprise. He won't tell me what we're doing—he just told me to meet him in the park parking lot—, but I've got a feeling it'll be special."

"Congratulations," you and Patrick chorused.

"Oh thank you! I won't keep you nice folks any longer. And you best keep in mind what I told you, young man."

"Yes, ma'am," repeated Patrick with an amused smile.

"Have a great day!"

"You too. Happy anniversary," you said. She nodded, sighed, then left on her way. You and Patrick started walking again down the path. As you walked in silence, you wondered what was going on in Patrick's mind. Did he think you were expecting him to propose? You glanced at him. It seemed as if the conversation with the lady hadn't perturbed this thoughts any. The urge to laugh boiled within you and a tiny giggle escaped.

Patrick glanced at you. "What?"

"Your momma surely raised you right," you answered through a grin. He just smiled back. You swallowed. "You know…you don't have to feel like you, um, like you have to ask me to marry you or anything. I'm perfectly content—"

It was his turn to laugh. "Don't worry. I was just being polite. I'm not going to rush into anything I don't think we're ready for."

You breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good. I didn't want you to feel pressured or anything. Like I said, I'm perfectly content just being your girlfriend."

"You worry too much."

You finished circling the path that meandered its way around the park. You released the carrier cautiously and buckled it in the back seat while Patrick stashed the folded stroller wheels away. You got in the passenger's seat and buckled your seat belt. Patrick turned on the car noiselessly and turned on the heater to a low setting. "I think I'm in need some something warm to drink."

"What did you have in mind?" he asked.

"Hot tea's always good."

"Wanna get some lunch with it?" You nodded, realizing how hungry you were. "Anywhere in particular?"

"Not really. Whatever you want's good with me."

"Alright." He pulled onto the street and headed for his favorite lunch spot, a little-known, simple deli. You unbuckled the carrier and headed for the entrance; Patrick held open the door for you. Naturally, there was a massive line, and, naturally, no one ahead of you knew what they wanted. You shifted the carrier so it sat more comfortably on your arm. The line moved a few steps forward.

"What are you getting?" you asked Patrick.

He shrugged. "Some sort of soup, I think. Or maybe a sandwich. I'm not sure. It's all good. What about you?"

Before you could answer, Bronx started crying. Everyone around you turned and glared, rolled their eyes, or gave worried glances. "I'll go take care of him. If I'm not back, just get me the soup of the day or something." You rushed towards the bathroom, wanting to get out of everyone's eyesight. You pushed open the door with your hip so you could get Bronx in. You set the carrier down on the linoleum floor and folded down the changing table. You spread out the changing blanket and set a fresh diaper and wipes on the table. "It's ok," you assured him as you undid the buckles. You stripped him down to his onesie and gently lay him on the blanket. "I'm just going to change your diaper. We've done this once before with success, right? Right." You were talking more to yourself now. You undid the buttons on the onesie to expose the dirty diaper. You took in a deep breath before removing it. Just as you were about to clean him up, the front of your shirt was being sprayed with warm wetness. "Oh come on!" Bronx started to cry hard again. "No, no! It's ok! I didn't mean it," you insisted. You finished changing his diaper then redressed him. After buckling him back in the carrier, you cleaned up and pulled out your phone. You scrolled to Patrick's number.

"Julie?" he answered confusedly after one ring.

"Can you come to the bathroom for a second?"

"But we're next in line finally."

"Please, Patrick?"

He hesitated. "Ok."

"Thanks."

"Yup." With that, you hung up.

Within a few seconds there was a knock on the bathroom door. "Julie?" You went and opened the door just enough so he could see you. "Why did you…" he trailed off as he looked you over. "What happened?"

"Please don't laugh at me," you begged. "He peed on me." Patrick pursed his lips, clearly trying not to look too amused.

"And you needed me to come to the bathrooms because…?"

You gave him an exasperated look. "Because he peed on me! I'm a mess, and now I smell like a toilette."

"I'm sorry. But I'm not exactly Harry Potter. I can't just wave a magic wand and make everything better."

You pouted. "That's not what I'm saying I want you to do."

"Would you like to go home, Julie?" You nodded. "Alright. We'll go home." You went and grabbed Bronx and the diaper bag. Patrick held the door for you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you kept your head down, avoiding the stares you were sure you were getting.

You pouted all the way home. "Are you going to be ok?"

"Maybe after a nap. And a long hot shower. I'm absolutely revolting right now."

The car rolled to a stop at a red light. Patrick looked at you. "I still love you...even if you do smell like a toilette." You glared at him. "Hey, those were your words, not mine." The rest of the ride home was silent.

_You kept a smile,  
Though I would always walk a wire._

After your second shower that day, you felt a little more human. You sat next to Patrick on the couch and leaned your head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry…about how I was acting earlier. I'm just so tired."

He rested his cheek against your head. "That's ok. I understand."

"I think I'm going to go to pass out now."

"Alright."

"I love you too, you know," you told him.

He straightened his head, releasing you. "Go get some sleep," he said softly. You headed towards the bedroom, but looked back at him before entering. He was on his laptop while Bronx napped in the carrier. Patrick lightly rocked it back and forth with his foot. You shut the bedroom door most of the way behind you and burrowed into the blankets, settling in for a nice long sleep.


End file.
